I’m 20F and my dream has always been to do a semester abroad. I’m planning to go to Amsterdam in the fall and my parents semi agreed to it and said they would give me the money for it which I’m extremely grateful for. They think it would be a great experience but the closer we get to it the more anxious they are getting about it and they really do not want me to go. They are trying to do everything they can to get me to not go, except they don’t want to be the parents that prevent me from doing stuff. They even said that they would pay for me to see Europe with my friends instead if I wanted to visit there in the summer on vacation. But I feel like I can do this whenever, even when I graduate and start making my own money, whereas studying abroad is an entirely different experience and this is my only chance to do that. They have been saying that they can barely sleep right now thinking about it and that I’m not taking into consideration that they won’t be able to sleep for 4 months while I’m there. I’m starting to get worried about them as well the more I think about it. It’s specifically because I don’t know anyone, so if something goes wrong there isn’t anyone I can fully trust and they think I’m going to get kidnapped or something. They would be fine with it if I was going with a friend but I don’t know anyone else who can go. They are basically begging me not to go and saying that I would probably have more fun anyways going on vacation with friends and people I trust instead of having to go to school. They’re saying it would be selfish of me to go knowing how anxious it makes them and how they won’t be able to sleep the entire time J’m there. I really don’t know what to do because I really want to go but I can tell why they would be anxious and I don’t want to be worried about how they are dealing with it the entire time I’m there. AITA for deciding to go instead of taking the friend trip?
You’re a grown woman. Do what you want.
NTA, they’ll get over it. People go abroad to study all the time and usually they love the experience. Your parents are wrong to guilt you like that.
NTA. Your parents agreed 1st, now they regret it and make you look like a bad person for living your dream. If they are still paying for it, then grab this oportunity and enjoy your semester abroad. They will get used to it.
NTA. You’re 20, not 2. You’re a grown adult, and your parents need to realize that. Amsterdam is also a pretty safe city, so I don’t think they need to worry about stuff like that. You have a valid point though… a vacation isn’t the same as a semester abroad
Have your parents done this before? (e.g. say you can go then change your mind and then NOT want you to go?)
NTA. It’s really uncool for them to guilt you like that. Register with the embassy, make sure the school has emergency contact info and go and have fun. Women travel solo all the time. You are going to have the time of your life, don’t let anybody convince you otherwise. Tell your parents to seek mental health support to deal with their anxiety. Their mental health is not your responsibility. If you give into their unreasonable demands with this what other things are they going to expect you to do for the sake of their mental health in the future?
NTA, but assure your parents they did a great job in raising you to be a confident and safe adult who feels comfortable in traveling abroad. Let them know you’ll be smart and safe, and you appreciate their concern for you, but this is an opportunity that will potentially have a huge impact on your future.
NTA this is an important step r your independence. Also to assert yourself with your parents and not give into their anxiety which is *their* issue.
You’ll not regret studying abroad but you will regret giving into your parents who are trying to stymy your development.
Please suggest they get family therapy. Hell go with them for a session.
NTA and have a fantastic time. I look back on my year halfway around the world on uni exchange. On my own. I have also backpacked Europe and IS on my own.
You’re safer in Amsterdam than you are in the Us.
Your parents need to stop trying to cottonwood you and feed their anxiety into you. Kidnapping?!!!! They’re making excuses ‘oh if you were going with a friend’ ‘oh we’ll pay for you if you don’t but upon graduation’ (blackmail and they won’t they’ll get anxious about you backpacking Europe for a month.
OP, I’m a parent of an 18yo and a 22yo. I’m a cautious parent. Your parents are dead wrong to put the kind of guilt on you and limit YOUR life because of their fears! You NEED to go and have this experience. THEY need you to go and have this experience…
1. If you cave and sacrifice this experience you really want just to appease their fears, you are setting yourself up to have to have to do that for all the future experiences you want to have in your life. That’s because…
2. Your parents will take you caving this time as confirmation that this is something you OWE them. IT. IS. NOT. But they will continue to fear more things in the world and want you to stay tied to their apron strings. Great job opportunity on the other side of the country? Nope. They couldn’t bear for you to live more than driving distance from them. And so on…
They NEED you to tell them that it is THEIR responsibility to deal with their fears. They can go to counseling. Find a group of parents whose kids have been or are now in a study abroad program. You love them, but they need to take ownership of managing their own feelings and fears. You cannot take responsibility for the emotions they don’t want to deal with.
As a parent, I worry about my kids going off into the world and facing things that could end up hurting them. But I also remember that my own mom wanted to keep her kids close by. Luckily my dad and circumstances helped us kids (me especially) be more independent. I am forever thankful that I had the opportunity (and need) to find my own way, make decisions for myself, face the consequences of my mistakes (and have some space from my parents so that they didn’t want to swoop in an prevent or solve my problems).
You have wanted this experience a long time. Do things/make choices that are wise and prudent while you are abroad, but also understand that you will probably make mistakes here and there. Keep lines of communication open with adults (maybe your parents, but also maybe adults who can give you advice when you need it – without telling you to pack up and come home).
Good travels! (and NTA)
My kid did a semester in Amsterdam. It was a great, safe place and easy to get around. The experience as a whole was great with weekends in various places in Europe.
You parents are just anxious or they would realize a friends’ trip is much more likely to lead to trouble.
Go. My mom did the same thing. You will get over it and they will get over it and you’ll all be better off for having done it. I also moved to Amsterdam to study when I was 20. It was some of the best years of my life. They are just afraid of losing you. It sucks because it’s their job to push you into these experiences, not drag you out, but parents are human. You have to be strong for all of you. NTA
NTA – They need to get over it. If they lose sleep, it’s on them. You’re an adult and should make your choices based on rational thinking, not fear.
If you want to make them feel better (which is not your responsibility, but there’s nothing wrong with trying to diffuse the tension), do your research about the area you are staying in and try to make a friend before the trip. (What are the “good” neighborhoods? What are the sides of town to avoid? What are common scams to be aware of? Where is the hospital? What is the phone number for the police and emergency services? Who is in your class? Can you start a convo/friendship with a classmate by asking if you can join their flight so you don’t have to fly alone?)
I studied abroad at 20 and it was a great experience! Things went wrong (missing luggage, getting lost, etc) but I learned a lot from having to solve them myself. I also got to get out of my comfort zone, practice the language I was learning with locals,and build lasting friendships with a few people in my class.
Don’t back down on this. Your parents may be uncomfortable, but they probably still see you as a kid to protect. Don’t let that stop you from growing up and doing the things you want to do. I’m sure they’ll settle down after a few weeks of you being away.
It’s a great learning experience
Don’t you dare let them guilt trip you into trashing your dreams. That’s awful of them, and Amsterdam is incredibly safe.
Of COURSE they’ll sleep, BTW. It’s awful of them to say otherwise. NTA
NTA – I have parents like this. They mean well but… when it comes time for your vacation they will be “worried and so anxious!” all over again. It will be the same thing your describing above. Then they will make you a reduced offer like a “vacation to somewhere in the US” and then it will cycle till you don’t get to do a thing, ever.
You need to sensitive and supportive to your parents but at the same time not give up opportunities for them.