For context, I (18,F) am a freshman college student in a all girl group who I’ve met and became really close last semester. When I recently turned 18 and since we were all still on campus before winter break, I planned a birthday dinner. One of my friends who drive, was the one able to take us to and back. Now, it’s break and one of my other friends (call her Sarah) also did a birthday dinner this week and at first I had no problem going, however when I check the location I realized that it’s an hr away from my house. As embarrassing as it is, idk how to drive and the only person that would have able to take me is my older brother however he didn’t want to drive all the way there. I told Sarah this and she had offer to pick me up from my house at 2 and the dinner was at 7. She was picking 2 other people up too. I explained to her that I wouldn’t be able to leave my house at 2 because I had things I had to do, chores, HW for my winter class etc. My parents are strict idk if they would have let me leave the house at 2 in the afternoon, be out the whole day and potentially come back at 9-10 I talked to the other people in the group and half of them didn’t also go bc of location or other plans and sarah told me this and her upset she was about it. This was before I told her I couldn’t come btw. Ig I just feel really bad about it bc I said I was going to be able to go and she even offered to pick me up. Does it sound like I was just making excuses?? How would you guys feel??
NTA – You can’t make it you can’t make it.
Very light yta
If you can’t make it say you can’t make it. Don’t say you can go then not show up. It was an hour away, 2 pm didn’t work for you, just say no I can’t make it let’s get coffee next weekend to celebrate.
I know, I wish I would have check the location before I said I could go or something, I told her that whenever we get back on campus that I’ll make it up to her though
Slight YTA
You didn’t even check with your parents you just immediately went into „yeah i can’t come“…because it’s an hour away. I mean it is disappointing if you offer to pick your friends up to celebrate your birthday and then one still opts out. But yall are 18 and won’t be friends for ever, it will be fine.
NTA. It’s a fact of life that not all logistics will work out for everyone. That’s why many people choose to move their celebrations to another date that work for as many people in their friend group as possible. Her feelings are her feelings, and she’s entitled to feel hurt that people couldn’t come; but she also has to be realistic that this was a complex Ask for so many people to make arrangements around, and it’s not always going to work out. This is Real Life. You are not the AH for initially saying you would come, conditional on getting a ride, and then having to back out because the pick up time changed the parameters of the event beyond what your parents would allow for. It was not within your control, and you informed her of it rather than standing her up, so nta.
NTA. Having boundaries is important.
NAH.
Unfortunately, it sounds like Sarah picked a restaurant that is just too far for several people. I do think you should not assume your parents would say ‘no’. to you being gone from 2pm. You could and should have asked them (if you could afford to spend that much time with friends).
You can tell Sarah that you know it will be after her birthday, but you would be happy to help her plan a belated birthday dinner or even just a gathering that is a little closer to everyone. (Or you could bring her a small treat – and present – when you see her next.)
NTA