AITA? So my bf and I have been together for almost 2 years now. My bf is from out of state and when I first met him he didnt have a job and was living with his grandma. Once we got together, he quickly got a job and a place to stay. About 6 months into our relationship, he asked me to move in with him. I was apprehensive about it because I wanted to save money more and felt like I wasn’t in a position to help him pay any bills and I was ok living where I was for a bit longer before I made a big change like that. However my bf put a lot of pressure on me to move in with him and told me he would be very upset if I didnt. He was begging me to move in with him and every time I would voice my apprehension he would get upset and start asking me if I really love him. Well I do love him and I wanted to prove that so I moved in with him. At first he was doing great with his bills since he makes good money at work. Not too long after moving in he had an issue with his car and decided to get a new truck. This truck is over 1000 a month and he can barely afford it. Ever since he brought the truck he has struggled to pay his bills and I have helped him out a couple times. He has also helped me with my bills several times but he makes much more than me and I never ask him for help, he offers to help. This morning we had a conversation where he let me know he is very frustrated with me for not helping him pay bills and he expects 200 from me a month. Its not a lot and I can help him but I am annoyed that he is so angry and frustrated with him considering he begged me to move in with him rent free. He said if I dont wanna pay the 200 I can just move out. Aita here?
YTA – So it sounds like you’ve now been there 1.5 years rent free? Yeah, paying $200 per month is imminently reasonable to me
Move out and stop giving him money. NTA because it sounds like he changed the terms without discussion, but moving in after 6 months with anyone is less than ideal.
And never move in with someone who pressures you to.
INFO – what bills are you both paying? are you covering half the rent and utilities? the truck payments are his responsibility alone but you both live in the apartment and should both be paying your share of the bills. if he makes more and you do a percentage based on each of your salaries, that is fair also, but it is not clear who is paying what from your post, so hard to say who is TA
You’re both AH’s. He’s an AH for pressuring your into moving in with him. He’s an AH for buying a truck he can’t afford. I am willing to bet living above his means is the norm. You’re the AH for moving in with him when you didn’t want to. You’re the AH for expecting to live for free. If you’re living together you should be supporting each other. You’re both AH’s for not knowing how to communicate.
YTA to yourself for moving in with him in the first place when he pressured you and ignored your feelings.
ESH
If the agreement was that you live there and don’t contribute financially, maybe you contribute in a different way I don’t know, then wanting to change the agreement doesn’t automatically make him an asshole.
He is the asshole for trying to pressure and manipulate you into moving in with him.
He is the asshole for putting himself in a financial pickle and expecting you to bail him out of it.
You are unfortunately an asshole to yourself for not listening to yourself and not moving in with him when you didn’t want to.
You both kinda suck at communication and being supportive of each other. I assume you’re both really young and immature.
Break up. Move back home. Save money and take some time to learn how to communicate, reciprocate and set clear and healthy boundaries.
ESH. You should not have moved in under the circumstances you describe (and his pressuring you the way you say he did should be an ENORMOUS red flag). He is clearly financially illiterate. Move out and go back where you were, then make you OWN life decisions instead of letting some insecure immature guy you’ve only dated for a few months pressure you into doing things you haven’t planned for or wanted.
Note that moving out solves YOUR problem, not his–in that his rent and bills will stay the same and he’ll still be responsible for them. Note also that you are responsible for yourself and not him, so solving your problem is definitely the right move. When you meet the RIGHT person and WANT to move in with them, you will hopefully have a bit of a nest egg saved up and you can decide together how much rent you can afford and what expenses to prioritize.
ESH. He sucks because he asked/pestered you to move in with him, and told you (I think) that you wouldn’t have to pay any bills. You suck because you know he is struggling, and instead of offering (even though he has helped you in the past), you waited for him to demand that you help, and you don’t want to even come up with $200/month.
I don’t know why he wants you in his life since you are a deadbeat.
knew exactly where this was going. this was his plan all along. he’s a hobosexual.
whatever you do, don’t get pregnant!
He’s paying the bills. She pays no rent. How is he a hobosexual?
Isn’t she the hobosexual expecting to life rent free just because he makes more money? Now she’s balking at $200 a month.
Girl run!!
He was in such a hurry to move in together because he sees you as his meal ticket. Keep your $200 and run out the door. NTA
200 a month? You are arguing over 200?
If I were him, I would view your position as a massive red flag.