Hello! I have never used reddit before, I have only seen it used in KallMeKris videos so please tell me if I’m doing something wrong! Recently my mom (53F) and I (14F) got into a fight about my bedsheets. What had happened was that I had been using a blanket as a bedsheet while I was washing mine, as I only had one. When my sheets were done, I did not end up putting them on my bed, but instead left them downstairs because I was doing something else at the moment. When I was done, the New Years party my mom was throwing had already started and I could not make my bed. I did tell her I had made my bed though, with the intention of doing it the next day.
I later forgot to make my bed and today she came into my room and saw that it was not made and got really upset, so I told her a small lie that I had made it, but spilled something and had to wash the sheets. She didn’t believe me because I’m a bad liar, and ran down to check the washing machine and got really mad and called me a liar and asked what else I lie about. I told her that there was nothing else, I just lied I just didn’t want to get grounded at 11 am. I got grounded anyway and she took my phone and my drawing tablet even though I explained I had worked really hard on my drawing and needed to enter them in a competition, and I had plans with a friend and I couldn’t just not show up without any explanation. (I am writing this on my computer.)
I did try showing her some other sheets from a different bedroom and trying to pass them off, but she didn’t believe me and screamed more. I am still grounded and she told me I couldn’t text my friend because she needed space away from me after what I had done. She cried for a while asking how she had raised such an entitled cunt which made me a little sad because my mom really hates when people say that word and she says it’s classless so for her to call me that must really mean I hurt her feelings which wasn’t my intention. She also said she wanted to be dead, which is pretty normal when she’s upset, but still I didn’t feel like I was *that* bad? Is that an entitled thing to say?
She let me text my friend and I told her, "Never mind I can’t go out I’m grounded and I got my phone taken so you can’t text me,". *(Side note: Do you think my friend will be upset with me? We never see each other outside of school because she lives in a rural area and she can’t drive, so this will be the only time we would have seen each other all winter break.)*
I’m grounded for a week and I didn’t think my lie was *that* bad, but maybe I am being entitled. I though I had a pretty good sense of wrong vs right and I always try to do the right thing, I just didn’t want to get in trouble right before I was supposed to hang out with my friend. I told my mom I understood that whatever I did, I would get in trouble and be called a liar and she called me an entitled asshole. Am I the asshole?
ESH, you lied and your mom overreacted
Your friend might be upset but life doesn’t always go to plan.
One thing you need to learn is lying about simple stuff like that is just stupid because it’s a bigger deal when you lie versus telling your mom you forgot.
Yes you were wrong because you lied and then doubled down on your lie and everything but your mom went way too far screaming and calling you names
100%%
ESH, but your mother much more so.
You shouldn’t lie to your parents and you should have completed your chore, but your mother seems to be taking it entirely too far. Calling you names over lies about making a bed is wild, and I think she likely needs help of some kind to deal with her feelings in a healthier way.
A good friend will be understanding and forgiving.
NTA. Honestly, seems like your mom kinda blew things way out of proportion here. Sure, lying ain’t cool but we’re talking about bed sheets, not some life altering secret. Grounding and taking away your stuff over that, especially when you’ve got art on the line? Pretty harsh IMO. Also, her reaction sounds pretty dramatic and it’s not okay to drop words like that on you. Y’know, everyone slips up and tells a fib now and then, doesn’t make you an asshole. Hope things cool down for you soon!
ESH. Just make your bed. Sleeping on a mattress is gross. Do you have a habit of lying about doing chores?
Based on her reaction, I am betting this isnt the first time you’ve lied about the sheets or stupid stuff.
That being said, she over reacted.
I usually do all my chores to the best of my ability because this is the type of reaction my mom has to lots of things and I typically try to avoid it and I try to be truthful with everyone. This is probably the first time I’ve even told a little white lie to my mom in a couple months. (Also this probably isn’t too important, but I wasn’t exactly sleeping on a bare mattress because that *is* very gross. I laid out a blanket as a sheet and slept over it.)
I’m going to say NTA. It is as a petty little thing that your mom blew out of proportion. She should be in therapy if you not making her bed makes her wish she were dead. Also she shouldn’t be putting all of that on you.
But look, you shouldn’t lie. Even about little things. I don’t trust anyone who has a habit of doing that. If something big happens, like say $1,000 is missing and you say it wasn’t you. My thought process would be but yeah last week she lied about making her bed and that didn’t even matter. If she’s lie about little things why wouldn’t she lie about big things?
Next time just say no, I didn’t make my bed. It was time for the party, I’ll make it later.
NTA. If you’ve given us all the details, my first thought is that your mother may have some mental health or substance abuse issues. Her wild overreaction is unsettling. Is there a pattern to her behavior? Perhaps talking to a school counselor will help you sorr it out. And in the future, just tell the plain truth like you did with reddit.
NTA- You do deserve a consequence for lying, but in my opinion the consequence didn’t fit what you did. Your mom is a major AH. I don’t think she has much emotional intelligence with her extreme overreaction. Good parents don’t call their kids names or tell them they want to die because they’re upset. She may not intend to be a bad mom, but she sucks nonetheless.
I’m gunna go with NTA just because your mom’s disproportionate reaction makes it clear there’s a lot more going on in the background.
Look, you told a stupid pointless lie because you were lazy and didn’t want to get in trouble. 99% of the time that alone is going to make you the AH. Don’t do it. That’s a good way to shoot yourself in the foot, *especially* when you have a dysfunctional relationship with your parent.
But… your mom called you a *cunt* and said she wanted to die?? Nope. If this story is real, there’s no amount of missing reasons that make that an appropriate or acceptable way to react to your 14 y.o. acting like a 14 y.o.
You are not old enough to aim for financial independence unfortunately… but you are old enough to start looking into how to deescalate situations, how to avoid conflict with unreasonable people. I’m hoping someone might have some resource recommendations for you… I can’t look now, but if I have time later I’ll see if I can find some. Good luck.
As a mom of 2 grown children and 1 almost there my perspective is that your mom definitely shouldn’t be calling you names no excuses that’s just immature on her part no matter how irritating a situation is.
She may have other stresses going on idk but I will say that it could be that from her perspective if you’re going to lie about something that small and stupid what else would you lie about? Are you doing all these other things she’s worried you could be doing? Sometimes parents have fears about messing up raising kids and making mistakes and one of those being raising a dishonest person. Personally my kids could do just about anything and I would be like dang that sucks but it was a mistake what can we do to do better but if you lie that’s a choice not a mistake it’s just one of those things that I won’t put up with at all. It says to the person you’re lying to intentional or not that you don’t respect them or think they are intelligent enough to know or that you just don’t care or want to deal with them. Maybe your mom feels the same way about lying. I would start by apologizing for lying and telling her what really happened after everything is calmed down and lead with I know it won’t get me out of trouble but I wanted to say …. I will try my best to not do it again. It won’t get you released from the punishment but it may help your relationship be more open so you don’t feel like you have to lie to her about dumb stuff.
Ntah but definitely wasn’t the best choice though I get where you were coming from.
This was not a smart move on your part.
When I was young, may parents repeatedly told me that lying got me punished for whatever went wrong and for lying.
Because they knew they could trust he to tell the truth, when I wanted to do things, when I look at some things and thought it was freedom, I could tell them and it could happen.
I rapidly learned that if I lied and they found out, they did not trust me and really restricted my life.
So, yes, there was ugly and what I thought were dumb punishments, there was generally trust in me to do what I said, be where I was supposed to be, and do what I said I wanted to do. Lying only made me into a prisoner in the sense that they watched he like hawk.
Work to get back on the freedom and trust pathway.