I worked with an online personal trainer for a few months and I’m unsure if I overreacted or if this just wasn’t the right fit.
He’s an Olympic weightlifter, very focused on physique and performance. Every month, he sent me a completely new training program, and each program had 5–6 different workouts.
The problem is that I don’t have much gym experience. I’m still learning how to use machines and perform exercises correctly. Every time a new program arrived, I had to start over again, learning new movements and machines. By the time I finally felt comfortable with a plan, it was already time to change it. Because of this, I now have several workout plans that I never even fully tried.
On top of that, every 15 days he asked for fasted weight and photos, waist measurements, feedback on training and diet, digestive changes, and to rate my motivation from 0–10. Instead of motivating me, this made me feel like I was constantly failing, even though I was showing up and trying.
Before Christmas, he sent a motivational message about how the holidays would be “difficult” because of food and social events, and that we should “tighten things up” and “compensate.” The tone was positive, but it added more pressure, and honestly felt like a generic message.
I eventually realised this structure doesn’t work for me. As a beginner, I need stability, repetition, and time to learn, not constant changes and evaluations. I ended the coaching politely and said I was changing approach and moving to in-person training. He didnt replied me.
However, my boyfriend says I’m just complaining and that the trainer was doing a very good job and being thorough and professional. That made me question myself and wonder if I’m just too sensitive or lazy.
So, AITA for quitting my PT even though he may have been doing everything “right,” just not in a way that worked for me?
NTA. I don’t think you’re in the wrong, the trainer was clearly putting a lot of pressure on you. I personally would’ve maybe asked them to dial it back a little, but I know with those intense “all or nothing” types of people it can be hard to push back on them. Maybe setting expectations with your next trainer up front could help avoid any potential awkwardness.
NTA. Not every method of coaching works for everyone. You tried it for a few months, and it’s not working for you. You’d just be wasting time and money continuing with him. Your boyfriend gets zero say in this, because it’s not about him. Find someone with a style that works for you and keeps you motivated.
NTA. The best training is training you can follow and commit to. If there’s no motivation to do that and you don’t feel like you’re making progress then it’s not a good fit.
NTA.
NTA. Even if he’s doing everything “right,” if he’s not customizing it to your needs, then he’s not the right trainer for you.
Giving this feedback to him might make things better, but ultimately this is about your comfort, not about his feelings or your boyfriend’s opinion. If it doesn’t feel right to you, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. And a good trainer does what works for each particular client. If he’s making you feel overwhelmed, then he’s not “doing everything right”.
NTA, you should pretty much always do in-person until you’re actually comfortable doing new exercises on your own.
NTA trainers have different styles and they don’t always align with their client’s needs. It’s no different than finding a therapist. How you feel working with him might be yielding results externally but overall is having a negative impact on you.
NTA. Nothing comes close to in person training for beginners. Your online trainer sounded like a terrible fit.
And I really question your boyfriend’s judgment. Is he not able to hear you in other aspects as well?
NTA. Your boyfriend seems far too invested in this…
That’s fair to point out, and for context: my boyfriend places a huge priority on physical exercise. He doesn’t go to the gym, but he runs around 60–70 km per week, so he’s very comfortable with structured training, discipline, and pushing through discomfort.
I think that’s why he saw the situation differently, from his perspective, more structure, pressure, and “pushing harder” automatically equals better results. For someone with that mindset, the trainer’s approach made sense.
For me, as a gym beginner, it had the opposite effect. I needed stability and confidence, not constant changes and evaluations. It really ended up making me feel like trash
NTA
I got overwhelmed just reading this lol
NTA, it wasn’t working for you so why continue? You can find a better fit, in person is probably much better. That sounds like it was incredibly overwhelming and you constantly had the rug pulled out from under you when you were finding your stride.
NTA. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit.
> The problem is that I don’t have much gym experience.
You should sign up with an in-person trainer if you don’t have much experience.
> However, my boyfriend says I’m just complaining and that the trainer was doing a very good job and being thorough and professional.
Maybe he should sign up with him.