I need to know if I’m in the wrong on this and objective options would be much appreciated.
So, I’m a massive lover of Rock and Metal music and used to be an avid concert goer in my teens and 20’s, but there are a few that I never got to see that have always been my Holy Grails.
Then, mid 20’s, I had a kid, settled down and gigs became something that just weren’t a priority, and a lot of the bands I loved either split up or stopped touring, so I gave up hoping I would see my Grails.
Cue a few months ago: System of a Down, one of my favourite bands, announced a tour. My son, Jack, who is 16, is also on his music journey and also loves System, so I decided to buy us both tickets and spend enough to get really good ones! I’m stupidly excited to share this experience with him, it’s gonna be awesome!
So I spent like, £450 on tickets in the standing area of Tottenham stadium, that also included travel as well cos I don’t drive and we live a fair distance from London. Now that’s a lot of money to spend on tickets and travel in general, but a LOT of money for me but, it’s worth it for the experience right?
So now queue the dilemma.
Jack has a girlfriend, Emma, who he has been with for 3 months. They’ve known each other for 2 years but they recently confessed their feelings and decided to become a couple, it’s all very sweet and lovely. When Jack told Emma that we were going to see SOAD, she also wanted to come along. I tried to get another ticket for her in our bit, but sadly they were all sold out.
Because Emma is 16 also, her mum, Gillian, obviously didn’t want her to be by herself in Tottenham Stadium so Gillian decided that she was going to buy 2 tickets wherever she could get them in order that Emma could go and see System too, and Gillian would go as well. She managed to procure some tickets from a reselling site, but they are seated tickets in the stands near the back of the stadium.
I don’t know Gillian at all, we’ve never met and have only texted a couple of times. And it’s important to point out, but she is an older woman and is NOT a Rock music lover. But now she is asking me to swap my concert tickets with Emma, so that Emma can watch SOAD in the standing area with Jack.
Gillian offered to drive us all down to Tottenham and back home as well, and that I could give her petrol money towards this and it would save me and Jack having to do a lot of travel in a coach.
Jack is now begging me to take this option and I’ve said no, because like, I WANT to see the band in the standing area that I’ve paid through the nose for, and personally, I don’t want to sit in the seating area of the stadium with a stranger who doesn’t share my enthusiasm for System. And, as much as I do appreciate the offer of a lift, why would I pay petrol money when I have already paid for travel with the tickets I bought initially? But now because I’ve said no, I’m being called stubborn, mean, selfish and all kinds!
Am I being an Arsehole by saying no?
NTA, you chose a band and an experience with your child and you should go and enjoy that!
NTA. This is a no brainer. You spent a lot of money to enjoy this experience with your son and it is awful that this other parent put you in the position to have to tell her no. It’s likely your son and Emma won’t be dating a year from now, but you’ll remember this experience (as will your son) forever. Just say no thank you and don’t discuss the topic further.
NTA but you need to have a serious conversation with your son because this concert is a grown up experience and you would like to treat him like an adult but he is still a child. Your job as a parent is to help him level up through this situation.
One idea would be to explain to him that these are your tickets and that you have invited him to join you. The options he has are go to the concert with you or make other plans for himself – there’s no kicking you out of your plans option. He doesn’t have to come with, but you want him to and it would be more fun for you if he did. Be explicit and gentle, share that you want to treat him like an adult. Remember how you had to teach him how to behave when he was a toddler and channel that energy because his little brain is making a similar huge leap in growth now too.
Your answer is miles better than everyone else’s. They are his tickets, and plans, the son cannot trade the ticket and sit in the worse area or anything else everyone else is suggesting as a compromise.
I also agree that it’s a parenting moment, and I think OP can pull this off.
NTA – Have a conversation with your son. Explain that the tickets are just as much for you as they are for him and the answer stays no. They are on your holy grails list!!! Gfs mom is better off reselling her tickets and just accepting the answer no.
NTA, be kind but firm with your son. He’s an emotional teenager, so I get him wanting to make this an experience with his new GF. I think it is important that you frame it how it is: Swapping the tickets – that you payed for – would ruin the experience for yourself. He can make a lot of wonderful experiences with her in the future, but who knows if you ever get a chance at a concert of this band again.
NTA and this is a conversation that you need to have with your son. You purchased these tickets first as an experience for yourself and secondly as an experience to share with your son. It’s bad enough that your son is disrupting the second goal by inviting his girlfriend along. He doesn’t get to take away the first goal – you seeing a favorite band from killer seats. And you didn’t spend extra money so that you could share the experience with a stranger. Your son is being a lovestruck turd. He can sit with you or stay home.
NTA, talk to your son. Really, you should never have even entertained looking for a ticket for her and shut it down from the beginning. If your son doesn’t understand, then take a friend. If he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t deserve the ticket anyway. 2 sixteen year old together 3 months? It’s madness this was entertained at all
NTA, tell your son simply if he wants to be with his gf he is welcome to buy nose bleed section tickets and you go with someone else who will appreciate the experience with you ! He is being treated to this concert and demanding you lessen your experience for someone who may be only temporarily in his life ? It’s just a no from me.
NTA. You just need to set all three down & have a come to Jesus meeting. Just be honest. Explain just like you did here about how you purchased the trip & planned to basically kill 2birds w/1 stone. That as circumstances have become so complicated then you’re just gonna simplify the situation by just bowing out, taking a friend instead , & the 3 of them can figure out what they’re gonna do with their 2 tickets.
Just because he’s 16 doesn’t mean the if you can’t listen, you can feel rule doesn’t still apply. It’s just upped the consequences to age appropriation.
The entitlement of the girlfriend is what kills me! This was a father-son hardcore show and she invites herself along, knowing that your son would go along with it.
On top of that, switch the seats????? The ones that YOU paid for yourself and your son’s experience???? And just like that, “poof! Yeah you should switch seats bc that’s his girlfriend of 2 months”
Oh hell naw
Absolutely NTA for not giving your ticket to your son’s GF who he’ll probably forget about in 5 years.
If the son really wants to go see the show with his gf, he could see it in the cheap seats with his gf.
Tell them you’ll swap tickets but have your son go back to the sitting area.
Either that or rescind the ticket to your son. The original purchase was because this is something YOU want to do.
I can see a scenario where he makes things awkward because you aren’t giving in. If this the case, you could be better off by selling his ticket and going by yourself.
Absolutely NTA.
Jack should take the cheap seat with Emma, OP should take a friend up to the front with him and Emma’s mom should skip the concert since she’s not a fan anyway.