So me (25) and my mother work in the same workplace and live together. Up until tomorrow we worked on opposite shifts. Tomorrow she’s coming on my shift and will be working my shift pattern in the same place.
I said at the start I don’t want to car share. I use the time it takes to commune (20 minutes) to listen to music, prepare for the day, i sit in my car alone on break to decompress and the same driving home.
Well she’s called me all the selfish and childish names under the sun. I’m supposedly the most selfish person in the world all because i want to take my own car to work which i pay for all my myself by the way. I’m 25 and will be living breathing and working with my mother. It won’t be healthy!! It worked us being opposite shifts because i had indepedance and freedom that a twenty something year old should have. I had more freedom when i was 12 and catching the bus to school by myself.
In front of people she has called me childish and she isn’t having ny nonsense. I just feel so restricted and suffocated. That car time alone was supposed to be my time and i’m apparently selfish for wanting space and boundaries.
So honeslty AITA for just wanting to drive to work in my car alone?
Nta. But if possible, it may be time to move into your own place.
INFO: if you won’t drive her does this mean she’d have to walk a long distance or pay for an Uber or something to get her to work?
Mom – It’s exactly this reaction that makes me not want to drive into work with you.
NTA. Maybe you should switch to the shift she was previously on. Or it’s time to move.
NAH. I understand her side that its a huge waste to be driving to the same place at the same time. It’s gas, miles on the car etc. On the flip side it puts you in an awkward position of being linked to your mom all the time and no longer having the freedom of your car after work etc. You say you pay for your car but at 25 do you pay rent, utilities, food etc? Because if you want the privacy and privilege of an adult you have to not live off your mom as well. Does she have her own car or would she have to walk, take public transport? If she has her own car maybe carpool a couple days a week. If she’s on public transport I’d drive her to work.
NTA. In general, I would have thought you should give her the ride, but after her reaction I can see why you didn’t want to. I’m sure this is not the only time she’s acted like this.
If she doesn’t calm the F down, come join us on r/estrangedadultkids
ESH. She overdramatuc but you’re also being a bit silly over this. Do you pay rent? If not its very fair to ask you to share gas/driving.
I like my drive to but driving separately makes absolutely no sense. Some options: get your own place, especially since you seem to want more independence, or agree to drive together a few times a week instead of every day. Im sure there are days as a 25YO you dont go directly home: those would be you solo days
ESH – if its so suffocating to be with her on a simple 20 min drive why do you live with her? 💀 You’re 25 and acting Iike a teenager. She sucks for trying to guilt trip you and insult you but you suck for not sucking up a 20 min ride to the same place like now you unnecessarily pollute the air with two cars going the same direction lol.
It’s almost impossible to move out right now, in a small apartment, making 38k a year, splitting it with 3 people, and it only covers cost of living just barely.
Can you switch to the other shift? That would return everything to the status quo.
NTA
Maybe see if you can change shifts. Or you might be better off making plans and moving out. Sounds like your mother just wants a chauffeur to and from work. You should also consider if there is something you can do after work (gym, library) to extend your time away from home, it sounds like you are very unhappy.
ESH she shouldn’t be calling you names and telling people that you are childish. You are living in her home at 25 years old and complaining about spending 20 minutes in the car with her.
I don’t know your current circumstances but if you are going to continue to live in your mother’s house then you might just need to suck it up and carpool with her. It definitely makes more financial sense. If you want more privacy and time to yourself it’s time to find a friend to flat share with or get your own place if feasible.
NTA. It’s no more expensive than before even if it’s “wasteful”. I get wanting some alone time and the ability to just go somewhere other than home or even worse tag alone your parents errands after work.
NTA