THERES AN UPDATE
Hi I’m saturnz (17 F) and my brother who is 10 (who I’ll call S) keeps breaking , taking or ruining my things and lieing about it
This may seem a little cliche but hear me out
, ever since he was younger (which below the age of 7 I don’t hold him accountable for) has been breaking my stuff and stealing things such as money (over £160 now) and hiding it “to keep it safe” then claims he doesn’t do it or he can remember . Now for a bit of context , I collect very rare , vintage one of a kind stuff and literally nearly every single day I always remind him not to touch them dispite the fact he does anyways . Now I have a picture Frame with a print and inside (which you can’t see ) is another picture and you can’t take it out without doing it in a specific method . It also has no glass so it can’t break and fall out . He sent me a message claiming he found that hidden picture on the floor ….. how on earth did he find t on the floor when it’s impossible to make it fall out and the only way you can get it is by physically using your hands . I absolutely called him out and I got super pissed because he only does this crap when I’m either on holiday or not at home (I’m in a different country for medical treatment but it’s not relevant) . I told him not to lie , to apologise and to put it back and explained to him how he “couldn’t just find it on the floor”. He keeps denying it and my parents have taken his side calling me disgraceful , horrible , mean ect Becuase he was cleaning my room and it’s all my fault (they always do this btw )???? I didn’t ask him to clean my room and even so why tf are you touching my collectibles. Not to mention he always does this type of crap all the time . Once I was studying and he got mad at me for eating the last apple bar (even tho it’s one of my foods I have to eat due to a medical diet but wvr) came into my room and purposely threw my mechanical ballerina on the floor in front of me then claimed I did it to blame him . Another incident (now this was 2 weeks ago) I kindly told him to not eat candy while he’s in the toilet and hiding it behind the cat litter because it’s gross and his response was going into my room , trashing it and taking pictures to show my mum how “disgusting” I am
What do i do , I can’t keep living like this ?? Am I the asshole for this
UPDATE : I got grounded because (context my mum broke contact with one of her older sisters due to disrespectful behaviour ) in a message I told my mum that ill do the same thing if this continues and she called me rude ect
You need to put a lock on your bedroom door or get a chest that locks.
The problem is your parents not holding your brother accountable. At this point I’d go hard LC with your brother to let him know you refuse to engage until his behavior improves.
Your brother could be doing the things he does to get a reaction out of you. (Again, ‘could be’.)
Please update.
He does this purely because he wants to been sen as an angel . I genuinely don’t want to talk to to him anymore , I bought a bunch of Xmas gifts for him too using 2 weeks of money I saved up from my job and i dont know What to do with that anymore .
There’s an update
**NTA**
Lock your bedroom door. Your parents aren’t willing to give your brother any boundaries, so it’s up to you to enforce your stuff.
If your parents have a problem with your putting a lock on your door, show them this post.
They share a room
Then the parents are being douchebags.
Your parents are TA. Who makes a 17f share a room with a 10m? They should have checked their finances before failed parent attempt #2.
NTA
My sister used to do the exact same thing. My parents would take her side and deem me as a bad sibling or “mean” because i don’t want them touching my stuff. Please get a lock for your door. I have a safe i place all valuables inside of and all of my collectibles are above my tv (out of reach). You can also try to reason with your parents and tell them how your privacy is being violated by your brother and you don’t like that. Ask them how would they feel if they were in your shoes. if they are understanding then they should understand your perspective. I’m sorry this is happening to you tho and i hope you can find a solution.
NTA. This is not a kid being clumsy, this is a pattern and your parents enabling it is the real problem. You are allowed to be mad when your boundaries get ignored and your stuff keeps getting damaged. If they will not step in, your best move is locking things up or keeping them out of reach until you can move out. This is exhausting and you are not crazy for feeling fed up.
Lock the door,add locks to the wardrobe or closets whatever you got, when your not there lock everything away, before you go away for a few days etc, lock up strip your bedding, and take a time-stamped photo of your room,even ask a parent to grab something a case jacket from your room (if you cant fit a door lock.
That.way there’s no way he can trash stuff and say it’s you.
Tell your parents that he’s doesn’t need to pretend he cleans your room.
He’s at the age of pushing boundaries and the more you shout kick off the more he will do it, you also say you go abroad for treatment, that in itself will make him jealous as he will think it’s unfair that you get to go away etc.
Before anyone kicks off about my comment on brothers jealousy about your medical condition, I have 1st hand experience of the way siblings always perceive illness or disability as other getting preferential treatment.
No matter how many time it’s explained to a lot of siblings and some parents and other adults always seem to think that the person who is ill gets everything and more attention than they do
Thanks for the advice . He isn’t jealous about my medical stuff and I know for a few reasons 1. I went abroad to our house (we are immigrants and he absolutely hates it there and will scream and cry if he is forced to go ) and 2. Both Illnesses was diagnosed this year and he’s been doing this all my life 😞 he also gets medical treatment for different things and my parents give wayyy more attention to him. Sigh even when my condition flares up and I can’t walk , I’m still forced to clean the house ect and he doesn’t do anything but organise the shoes once a week :/
That’s.a good thing in a way daughter.was disabled and needed help, siblings got jealous as hell even though we made time for each one individually.
I hope you get some relief from your illness one day, our daughter used to do chores but if her.condition flared up we would not allow her to do chores etc.
Is there anyone else you can stay with for a while when you get flare ups
Replied in the wrong bit
My family is the apposite, doesn’t matter if my conditions flares up so badly I can’t walk , I’m still forced to do everything ( I have Crohn’s and scoliosis in case ur wondering ) 😞, thanks