Last week, my family had a joint birthday celebration for me (33F) and my brother-in-law (25M). This is typical for all family birthdays. It was hosted at my house, where my in-laws have been living with my husband and me for the past 2.5 years while they look for a home.
5 minutes after everyone arrived, my MIL said, “Okay, let’s eat,” so I went into the kitchen to make my plate. At the same time, my sister stepped into the laundry room to sign a birthday card.
While I was still in the kitchen, I heard my SIL say, “Mom and Dad need to open this together.” I didn’t know what she was referring to, so I stayed in the kitchen. Then I heard my MIL say, “Oh my God, is this real?” My sister came back and asked what was going on, and I said I thought my SIL had just announced she’s pregnant.
Because we weren’t in the room when it happened my sister and I stayed in the kitchen for a moment. My MIL then came into the kitchen and showed me the box. I said something along the lines of, “Yeah, I heard.” I then went into the living room and asked my BIL a few polite questions about their plans, (SIL was in the kitchen getting lunch) and the celebration continued.
About an hour and a half later, my SIL suddenly started crying and said she wanted to leave. I overheard my MIL say, “That’s just how some people are.” After they left, my MIL came back in and I asked what had happened. She told me my SIL was upset because she felt no one seemed excited about the pregnancy.
I explained that I wasn’t in the room when it was announced, that the announcement was framed as a gift for my MIL and FIL, and that this was supposed to be a birthday celebration. I mentioned that announcing a pregnancy at someone else’s birthday was common etiquette to not do. MIL said it was also BIL birthday celebration so it was fine.
MIL said there wasn’t anything selfish about it and I should have been more excited. BIL (21M) agreed with her and asked what else they were supposed to do.
I said they could have chosen any other day to announce. Christmas Eve was three days away. My MIL responded that my SIL couldn’t wait because there was deli meat being served at the party (SIL ended up eating some anyway after heating it up).
Since then, we haven’t spoken, and my in-laws decided to spend Christmas at my SIL’s house instead.
Everyone I have told about the situation has agreed with me however I need some outside opinions due to these reactions from them. AITA?
YTA, you seem very petty
YTA. Just muster up a congratulations like a gracious adult. And definitely don’t be that adult who thinks that their birthday is a national holiday.
YTA, your brother and his wife can announce they’re having a baby together at a party that is for him. It may not have only been for him, but it was for him.
YTA. Saying “yeah I heard” comes off as really rude. I would’ve been hurt too if I was really excited to announce something and someone responded like you did. As soon as you clocked what was happening you could’ve gone up to her and happily said congratulations while giving her a hug, but it seems like you didn’t really care and ignored her. Also I can understand her announcing it there because it was a time that all her family was in one place
Your birthdays not that important that she can’t announce her pregnancy and why wait 3 days and do it at Xmas Eve. It’s giving you think your birthday is more important than Xmas eve… just saying. Just take the L and apologise and admit you were wrong.
ESH She should have waited until everyone was in the room. You write doubling up on celebrations is common so adding a baby announcement shouldn’t have been a big thing – especially since one of the birthdays was the baby daddy.
So, I’m guessing that the birthday BIL was the father, if MIL said it was his birthday, too? I think part of it was that your SIL is hormonal and in-laws were excited, because it’s their grandkid (their first, maybe?). Honestly, I would give in-laws a break. Yes, it probably would have been better received on Christmas (SIL could have just said she wasn’t in the mood for sandwiches or something) and not everyone needs to get excited about a baby, but you were already sharing your birthday party and it sounds like a lot of your in-laws were there. It’s not like it was your wedding. But, you’re right that it did sound like it was a private moment between your SIL and her parents, so since the rest of the guests weren’t there when it was announced, it makes sense that not everyone got excited about the baby right away. I don’t think this is anything to hold a grudge about on either side.
ESH.
SIL should have chosen a different day to announce. But she didn’t. You should have at least mustered a “congrats, that’s great!” Yes it’s your birthday, but you’re an adult, so acting like one would have been the bare minimum you could do. MIL is also being a bit petty shunning you at the holidays, which is pointless since they live with you.
Don’t understand the YTAs. The SIL had plenty of other times (10 months!) to announce it but did it on the day of another one celebration day? The SIL is the asshole. I would not be happy either.
Get rid of the in-laws regardless. No one has to feign excitement over someone’s pregnancy or other announcement regardless of when it occurs.
The in-laws can go live with their new grandchild.
ESH
NTA. My Brother and SIL did the same thing to me during my birthday celebration dinner with family.
Nta. You can’t be forced to be excited
YTA. Your shared birthday party isn’t a wedding, it was a perfect acceptable event to share the news. You don’t have to be excited about but you don’t need to be an AH about it either.