Me and my girlfriend are from two different countries and we met on a language learning app in December of 2024. We both speak English so we never had any communication issues. At first, we were a perfect fit. We shared the same interests and opinions on almost everything and she even adjusted to my time schedule so we could have daily video calls and play games. This was my first relationship and her second, and the fact that she already had some experience made me feel comfortable.
The reason why we got together in the first place was because my school offered me to study abroad in her country, and we thought that if everything works out, we can meet there and even live together for the duration of my studys (1 year). For seven months I felt so in love and counted the days until we’d finally meet in real life. End of July 2025 that time finally came. We lived in her apartment for 1 month, I met her friends, her family and we traveled together. After that we both moved into a new apartment in the city of the university i have to study in.
In October of 2025 I began to have my first doubts. As much as I loved being around her, I really missed the free space of living alone. Our apartment is only one room with bed and desk + kitchen and bathroom. I also didn’t make many close friends during my study here because most of the time I’d spend with her. I ignored these feelings and after that, times became happier again. But during Christmas, it hit me once again. I felt lonely but at the same time wanted to have my free space, and I asked myself if I really love her or just the comfort she gives me. I cried in front of her and finally addressed my issues. She was devastated but we agreed that it might all just be because I’m homesick. We spent Christmas and New Years Eve together and I noticed that we barely even have topics to talk about anymore. Now that feeling becomes stronger every day, and I am seriously considering ending our relationship. I know that a relationship requires effort from both parties, and I ask myself whether the reason I loose my feelings is, that I just don’t care enough anymore and only live with her for the sake of convenience. And she doesn’t deserve that because she is still very much in love with me. But also the idea of living on my own sounds better the more I think about it. I just miss my independence, going out and explore etc.
I guess my question is: Do you have any advice for my situation? Its very hard to find people with relating experiences because our relationship and timeline is not very average but any help I would really appreciate.
You never were in love, it was infatuation with her, like she was an unreachable trophy because you couldn’t even meet. Now you have her in your environment and came into realisation you don’t have romantic feelings for her. Breaking up would be the best.
It could be a lot of things, but personally, I think it’s because you’re living together. It seems like it all started because you’re not able to have your own space or privacy, and that’s led to developing resentment.
Not every couple lives together. For example, my partner and I could never live together in a small space bc we both need alone time, and hate living with other people. Well sleep over at each others places all the time, and we each have keys to both apartments, but eacbis still our own space that we get to have, and keep that part of ourselves.
I would personally suggest moving out, but not breaking up. Best case scenario, you have your own place and the two of you stay together and things get a lot better. Worst case scenario, you realize that it wasn’t the apartment, and you do need to break up, but now you’re at least not worried about trying to find a place before doing so