I \[48M\] have been wearing Speedos for about 10 years now. I’m not talking about novelty or provocative ones, just classic, sporty swim briefs, the kind you’d see competitive swimmers or athletes wear. I’m in good shape, I’m comfortable in them, and I genuinely prefer them for swimming and lounging at the pool or beach. We’re in the states, fyi.
My wife has never liked them. From the beginning, she’s said she finds them embarrassing and would rather I wear board shorts like most other guys. I’ve tried to be understanding, but I’ve also been clear that this is my swimwear of choice and that I don’t think there’s anything inappropriate about them.
The issue rises whenever we go on vacation, to a hotel pool, or even just a local beach. It’s not too bad if it’s just a trip by ourselves. She’ll still ask me to pack or wear swim shorts but I usually just bring Speedos for swimming. When it comes to situations where friends/family are involved she has begged me to wear ‘socially acceptable’ swimwear like the other guys in shorts. When I don’t she often gives me the cold shoulder – acting distant, annoyed.
From my perspective, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m dressed appropriately for the setting, I’m not seeking attention, and I’m not violating any rules or norms beyond what’s culturally expected in the U.S. If this were Europe or a competitive swim setting, no one would bat an eyelid.
So, AITA?
Meh… if you want to wear a banana hammock, so be it. Maybe it’s not the norm in the U.S. for a middle-aged guy, but if anyone else even noticed, they’d probably just assume you’re a European tourist.
You’re NTA and your wife needs to lighten up.
NTA, as long as you’re not being offensive, you should wear what you like. Same as every woman on AITA whose bf doesn’t like her wearing short skirts or whatever.
but FYI unless your social group is in Europe or a competitive swim meet, I’m willing to bet that you ARE violating norms. Hint: does ANYONE else in your social circle wear them?
NAH you can choose your own swimwear as long as you conform to local guidelines, she can be uncomfortable with swimwear that isn’t acceptable to everyone. This is no different than people objecting to women’s bikinis which have been common for generations or to women’s thongs which have been acceptable in parts of the US for decades.
NTA
But I don’t like them, I think men look much better in board shorts.
This is literally the male equivalent of cover your self in draped fabric lest people be aware you have a gendered body part. Women wear a padded bra so no one knows you have nipples. Men wear board shorts so people only know you have a 🍆 when your board shorts are wet and clinging to you with much thinner fabric that speedos. Speedo fabric is several mm thicker than board shorts.
While I personally do not find speedos attractive, it’s not my body, and last I checked men weren’t going to the beach/pool for me to check them out, so it doesn’t matter if I find them attractive.
Would your wife wear a modesty suit if you asked her to? That’s what she is asking you to do.
NTA.
NTA—if people don’t like to see you in a particular article of clothing, they’re free to look at something else.
I see lots of people wearing things that I think look awful or show me things I’d prefer to not see, but I would never try to ban them from wearing them in my presence because I can just look elsewhere.
You’re not an asshole, but honestly neither is your wife. She’s uncomfortable with the world having such a view of your “bathing suit parts” (as my kids call it LOL) and she’s made that clear. Since you’re not a professional swimmer, you don’t really have a reason to wear it except to show off.
For the record if it’s the support you like, my dad wears a speedo but then also wears regular swim shorts over it (because he doesn’t want his junk on display but also likes the feel of the speedo). So that might be an option.
YTA. I swim laps regularly, I have no problem seeing men in tight Speedos working out in the pool. But Speedos to be work out wear, not ath-leisure. Lounging poolside on vacation, beach days and backyard barbecues with family and friends, wear the board shorts or looser swim trunks like all the other men present. Folks are talking crap about you behind your back-gross old attention seeking fart. No one except your wife wants your hot dog with their burger.
Man, people in these comments are *so* lame that I’m going to defend you/Speedos.
“Nobody wants to see that”? Who cares? It’s not illegal, and it’s okay to wear them when swimming. For all the people saying that, it’s literally not about you, so maybe grow up?
I would never wear a Speedo as an adult (I did when I was a pre-teen/teen and did swimming and diving, but I never really liked it), but NTA. If you like it, then go for it. It’s not harming anyone, illegal, etc. And I’m American, not Australian or anything. Just go for it
does she wear a bikini? how is it any different
YTA. Your doing it to show off and nobody wants to see your dick no matter how impressive you think it is.
Unfortunately, NTA.
If I see a man out in a Speedo who isn’t competitively swimming, I assume he is wearing it to get attention. Men who wear Speedos have a creepy vibe.
Agreed on all counts, and OP absolutely checks that “creepy vibe” box in the comments by suggesting people head to profile to see him in his speedo … that’s classic American male creep, not classic European male living daily life as so many others are suggesting.
INFO: Have the two of you ever attempted to **compromise** on this specific issue? Or has it been her begging you not to wear a Speedo and you blowing her off?
I understand that’s it’s what you’re most comfortable in, and I understand that it’s what you want to wear. But, in doing so, you’re making *at least* one other person — specifically the one person you’re supposed to care about more than anyone else aside from your kids — viscerally uncomfortable, and, honestly, that *should* matter to you at least some what.
Basically, have either of you ever thought to suggest a compromise? Would you even be *willing* to compromise on this? Not in the “give in to wearing board shorts every 3rd event with swimsuits involved” or anything.
I’m saying, like, would you be open to, instead of wearing a full-on brief-style swim trunks, which I’m assuming your Speedos are, would you be open to a brief-style swim trunk that’s box cut, thus more like a boxer brief, [like what CDPL offers here](https://cdlp.com/products/mens-swim-brief-box-cut-optic-white)? Or would you be open to a swim short with a significantly shorter inseam than the average trunk you’d pick up at the local Walmart? So, say something with like [the 3.5″ inseam swim shorts offered by BANG!Miami](https://bangclothes.com/products/splash-show-shorts)?
Or are you **only** willing to wear full briefs-style Speedos for the rest of your life and actively don’t care that you’re making your wife uncomfortable to the point of upsetting her when you do so?