I (17F) have a sister 16(F) who had her baby girl who I’ll just call Willow around 6 months ago , my sister has never been one to stay at home or focus on anyone but herself and being a mother did not change that. When she was pregnant she was extremely depressed for most of it but my family did a lot to cheer her up and towards the end she became very excited to become a mother.
However after Willow was born my sister had told me she loved her but couldn’t stand her well being a baby ? The crying irritated her and she would leave the baby to me or my mother most of the time only wanting her back if friends or family were around . So I have been taking care of my niece as if she is my child , the crib in my sisters room remains empty most if not all of the time. Recently my sister has began trying to be an actual mother ! I am very proud and happy for my sister during this time however she cant seem to grasp her daughter isn’t as bonded(?) to her as she is me or my mother.
For example Willow will cry if me or my mother leave the room out of her line of sight . My sister tries comforting her but she will not stop until me or my mom come back. Cue an argument a few days ago- I had willow in my room with me when I was playing a game on my computer .She was asleep and just laying on my bed (Which I can see and supervise her just fine) when my sister came into my room looking for her.
She looked pretty pissed upon seeing Willow with me but just sat on my bed near Willow while talking about some random topic I was pretty zoned out of . Willow woke up during this as my sister didn’t really whisper which I made me upset as I had gotten her down not too long ago. Less than twenty minutes for sure.
I told my sister she needed to be quite when she was so close to Willow especially if she was asleep , this seem to set my sister off and she took Willow from me- I didn’t fight to keep her in my arms as I know it isn’t my right to deny her own mom. She ended up going off on me that I wasn’t Willows mom and I couldn’t tell her what to do around her own child and in return set me off back at her where I ranted that she could barely consider herself a mother and that it was no ones fault but her own that her daughter couldn’t stand to be around her.
She left my room that night and I felt horrible . I tried apologizing to her the same night but she ignored me and left for our grandmothers where she has been the past few days. She doesn’t answer my texts or calls apologizing and I only get updates from what she posts of Willow on tiktok or snapchat.
I dont think I’m entirely wrong for trying to get her to see the reality that being a mother is more than just spending time with your daughter when you have to or want to show her off to your friends / social media. I know my sister is just a teenager but so am I and had responsibilities that should’ve been hers pushed on me since my mother could only help sometimes..
edit:
I just wanted to ask please do NOT talk about how my sister came to be pregnant . That is no ones right to know besides my family or who my sister chooses to tell.
I now know what ppd is (I didn’t exactly know what is was before or the extent of it . I have heard about it but didn’t look into as I am well a teenager and dont plan on having kids at all) and I’ll try to get my mother to talk to my sisters therapist about looking further into that part with her . (Pretty sure she can do that?)
My sister is not a shit person and I do not like people saying that. Shes a normal teenager in my country who is just very extroverted and prefers going out with friends .
My sister goes back to therapy or well her first session in awhile this Friday and will have the same therapist as me (A very wonderful lady) that im sure will help her !
edit 2:
To clarify some things this a throw away so I can log out and forget the password to this account! Which I will be doing.
To the people being rude about my sister- I do not like you and I dont know how mean you have to be to say rude things about a teenage girl. I love my sister and always will.
My mother does her best to help but works from early morning to night until the weekend . Shes an older lady & has some issues with her body especially arthritis . I encourage her to relax on days she works and she does the most she can on weekends .
Willow is a very easy baby to deal with and is very easy to love! I dont doubt with the help and advice people have given me here she will be able to bond with my sister . A lot of people have told me it is good that she left the house for a few days so she has time to take care of Willow without me or my mom there , which I now agree! At first I was very upset she left instead of just talking to me – now I am seeing it a lot better.
Thank you all for the help you have provided I am grateful that a lot of you have explained to me what ppd is and given me some insight ! I hope all goes well and I dont think I will ever give an update to this <3
Your sister is very young. She might be dealing with PPD (postpartum disorder). This is very very very important, and she will need support and help. Please advise her to see a therapist at the very least.
She’s a kid having a kid
NTA
Facts are facts, and the fact is your sister was not around and her daughter bonded to you.
I had my niece for two years when my sister fucked off to do drugs and whatever other bullshit she was doing. It took a lot for my neice to warm up to her mom when she came back into the picture.
NTA you were rigth and like its not your fault thst she has no bond to her daugther it’s also not your fault that the truth hurts. I hope for the kid that she realise that youre rigth and be mother for her.
I think NAH. It’s a tough situation you guys are in – post-partum can be enough to get any household on edge. Add to that the fact you guys are still in your teens, I can understand how emotions may be a little strained.
That being said, it’s probably a good thing your sister and niece are out of the house for a bit if your collective goal is to get your niece more comfortable with her mother.
Nobody is the asshole. You both are really young and it seems like you two are dealing with a lot on top of caring for a baby. Have grace and forgive each other you both are still learning. Your niece will need everyone in her corner! I helped my sister raise my nephew (she was a teen mom too) and I don’t regret one moment of it! I love my nephew with all my heart.
Are your parents not in the picture? You’re both really young and trying to navigate baby stuff is hard. You honestly don’t have to help more than you want to. Be direct and firm if your parents ask that it’s not your baby and your sister needs to step up
NAH. You’re right your sister hasn’t taken the time to bond with Willow yet. Likely because she is a teenager going through PPD and doesn’t know how to help herself. You are not an asshole because you are also a teenager who has kind of been forced into taking on more of a mother role. I can see why that would be frustrating especially when Willow is your niece not your daughter. You have made the right steps in trying to apologise but it might take your sister time to come around to it as you have hit a nerve.
16 is wayyyyyyyyyy too young to have a kid like wtfff
This seems like something you need to have a family meeting about, not something Reddit can help you with. Your sister is a little kid who seemingly doesn’t have help from the baby’s father, and you are also a little kid, evidenced by the mean and immature thing you said.
I would suggest her being checked for post-partum depression. She has a history of depression and it is quite possible that she’d benefit from therapy and/or medication.
Perhaps a parenting class for young mothers could help, if you have something like that in your area.
I don’t think YTA – noone is. You’re trying to do your best to help in a difficult situation, but so is your sister (probably).
I hope your parents make sure she has access to condoms and other contraceptions – and how to use them. I know it’s not a integrated part of the educational system in many countries/states, but it’s important.
NAH. You’re all very young. Your sister sounds like she might have PPD. And even without depression, some people don’t bond right away… and even when they do, there’s a phenomenon where some babies cry more with their mothers (usually because they’re demanding milk/comfort).
Has she had parenting classes? You could all use them too. For example, a 6mo, if possible, should not be sleeping on a bed, but in a crib. Mattresses are not usually firm enough and can suffocate a baby – and suffocation can happen within sight, it’s silent and quiet.
r/NewParents and r/ScienceBasedParenting are good places to ask questions.
NAH
sis needs some parenting classes.
what is your mother doing oh my god your babies taking care of a baby…