My boyfriend (29 M) and I (28 F) are going to San Diego to pick up a car were buying off a family member. The drive back home will take us 10 hours and will be a boring drive. Ive downloaded some apps to help find some spots along the way home we could explore to make it into a fun trip instead of a long boring drive. We leave in a week and have had shorter road trips together where I have voiced my frustration at him being on his phone playing games or watching videos while im stuck driving with no one to talk to, as hes not very engaging when hes distracted. Hes gotten better and when theres a natural lul in a long drive I dont mind when he turns to his phone, but in this long drive home I will need some help keeping sane, hence the idea to stop at some fun spots along the way. Our trip is in a few days and while laying in bed he asked me if I would mind if he watched the playoff game this Sunday while we drove home. I let him know I would prefer if he didnt as this would mean 3 hours of him glued to his phone and him yelling or having big reactions if the game wasnt going the way he wanted, which is too much for me. This led to him feeling as though I was taking away something extremely important to him, which he voiced to me, and led into a fight. Ive never cared for football but still try and be a good sport as he watches it every Sunday during the season. I have never asked him to skip a game, and let him know he could record it and watch it when we got home but that I really wanted to have him be present with me during our drive and have us enjoy the road trip together. He mentioned that im taking away a very huge tradition for him and its very important he watch the game. I just cant see eye to eye with him. AITAH?
YTA. You are treating him like an object. Drive yourself if his company does not suit you. It’s not like the game is 10 hour long, but being your personal entertainment system is. Just listen to a podcast or something.
YTA. This is something worth compromising over and not that hard to compromise on. If he agrees to drive the 10 hours with you, stop in fun places and not be on his phone except during the game, I feel like you could support him in watching the game. If he literally watches every Sunday during the season, it’s clearly something that really means a lot to him.
Maybe you could time one of the fun stops so it will be during the game and make it a fun thing you can do on your own. He get some uninterrupted game time and you don’t have to listen to the whole game. You might not want to stop for the whole three hours, but it would help. Then maybe you can listen to the part of the game that is happening during the drive and actually try to get into it a little and enjoy it for his sake.
YTA. He seems to do whatever you like if you requested but you’re not giving him the same grace. You’re the one who can’t compromise.
PLAYOFFS!?!?
YTA
Driving is inherently less boring than being a passenger, and the time you are talking about us less than a third of the drive.
At the end of the day you should be focused in the road not looking for someone to entertain you, and speaking from experience if he really cares about the team he will be tetchy all throughout the game anyway because he doesn’t know whats happening. That isn’t going to make a fun drive regardless of if he’s listening or not.
Yta stop at a sports bar for lunch and watch the game then move on. Find a city to explore for some time frame as well.
You don’t seem to want to compromise
YTA
You can’t compromise but want your boyfriend to compromise for you.
Just stop by somewhere, have some food and relax, watch the game.
Is it that difficult to find a way for you to allow him to watch the game? I could see him being excited after watching the game and talking about it if you show interest as well.
Plus it’s a 10 hour drive, you want him to do what you want for the 10 hours and not give him space to allow him to do something he would want during the drive.
Did you ask him for his opinion on the stops you planned out? Is it something you both will enjoy and not just yourself?
Learn to compromise. It goes both ways.
I’m actually surprised of the responses here. I don’t think either of you are being an AH per se but if anything I think he’s being childish about it. First of all I’m assuming the car is for the BOTH of you, which means he will also be driving the car, which means he should equally be participating in the process of getting the car. The trip should be an exciting and fun thing that you two do together, not you drive and he sits there on his phone most of the time and essentially ignores you. I’m sure you’d rather be doing something else than driving 10 hours for the car but it’s something that you have to do. Besides that you don’t have to be glued to the game watching every snap and listening to the announcers every word to “watch” the game.
P.S. I’m a guy and I watch football every weekend.
NTA, I’m assuming he can’t drive, because otherwise you could just share. So he needs to suck it up and help out. If he can drive, he should be doing the time up to or after the game.
have a friend drive with and enjoy the spots together.
NTA but only if you’re willing to compromise. Aren’t American Football games like 3 hours long but 1 hour of playtime or something? Why can’t he watch it on mute and make idle conversation with you while he watches? I just think there’s lots of middle ground between ‘not watch it at all’ and ‘be so focussed on it you ignore OP for 3 hours’
YTA. At most this is 3 hours of this drive, and it is something that doesn’t get repeated. You do not need him to entertain you this whole time. This comes across as very needy.
Now, I do think it would be reasonable that he agree to keep the volume reasonable and to not give big reactions that distract from driving. It would be reasonable to ask him to take over driving duties when the game isn’t on. And it would be reasonable that he agree that should you need him to divert his attention (navigation, keeping you awake if you are getting tired) that he perform those activities whether or not the game is on at that moment.
Yta so only you gets to determine what’s fun. Stop at a sports bar to watch the game. 10 hours is not that long a drive btw, unless you have a medical condition that makes sitting difficult