Hello reddit users, I’m currently in a sticky situation with my sister. I (23F) am the youngest of three sisters. There is Veronica (31) and Blaire (24). Blaire and I haven’t always been the closest to Veronica due to the age gap, however as we grew up we started to bond more.
Veronica recently got engaged last year to her bf. My family really likes him because he’s a genuinely great guy and treats Veronica and her son (9) like a royalty. They plan to have their wedding this year in August. I have never been married or participated in the process of getting married, but it just seemed a bit rushed since. My sister has a good-paying job as a medical secretary and her boyfriend is a CEO of a startup, they are pretty well off as the apartment they currently rent to runs around 3800 to 4000 dollars a month downtown. Toronto is not just known to be the home of Drake, but it’s notoriously known to be super expensive. So just imagine the price to pay for wedding ceremony in the area. My sister originally wanted their wedding to be held in Italy or Mexico before our mom convinced her to stay in the city so family won’t need to spend extra money on flights. They’re both doing as much as they can to try to save here and there, putting more hours at work, reducing ordering out, etc. They even asked to borrow my mother’s car (60) to start doing food deliveries in the winter.
However, my mother recently held a mini family meeting with my Blaire and I to ask on behalf of Veronica to donate in 2k dollars to help fund her wedding. Blaire and I are both currently went back to school in Fall 2025, and currently working part-time jobs for minimum wage. I try to save as much as I can with each paycheque as I’m saving to move out and buy a car with my partner of 4 years. On top of that, me and Blaire also pay at least 1000 dollars every month (500 each on 600-700 paycheques) to my mother for rent too. The whole family even babysits her son bi-weekly every weekend for free and never asked for payment.
In honesty, I can afford the 2k to chip in, however morally I can’t get myself to agree to that egregious request. I saved as much as I could before starting school and now for my own plans and goals in life. The thought of me donating hard earned money that took my years to save, that won’t be paid back is dreadful. In an effort to make my sister and I feel better, my mom told me that Veronica asked her to pay 10k to fund the wedding while her fiance parents agreed to pay only 4k. My mother is a PSW and my dad also works as factory worker. My parents will most likely have to reach into their savings that is supposed to be for their retirement in their homeland. I don’t want to them to do that for the sake of wanting them to retire comfortably.
I’m expected to give an answer next month and I don’t know what to do. Look out for myself or be a good sister?
NTA
I don’t believe in crowdfunding what is at the end of the day, a party. If you can’t afford it, have a smaller wedding.
But even if you are going to ask for money for your wedding, you should ask people with _more_ money than you, not less. Going to the people in your family with the least disposable income hat in hand makes you a huge AH.
I’d say sorry but no. You don’t have extra money…mom can take a couple of months of the rent she charges you and use that instead. NTA
NTA
They need to have the wedding THEY can afford not the wedding other people can afford for them.
NTA. If people can’t afford their wedding then they shouldn’t be having it in the first place. Or, they have a wedding they can afford. I actually don’t understand where this kind of culture came from because in my culture, it should be funded by both the groom and bride, and if they are lucky, either one or both sets of parents would sponsor it – I’ve never heard or known or even been to a wedding where siblings would chip in for their brother/sister’s wedding.
NTA I don’t understand why their only solution is to get more money, through side jobs and family members, rather than cut back on wedding expenses. Especially since your sister has a child already, she shouldn’t be blowing tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding they can’t afford. And it’s very unfair to demand that a family members, especially those who only work part-time because they are still studying. Don’t empty your accounts for someone else’s party.
If you’re generous you offer whatever you can afford for their wedding gift. Them asking money for a wedding is tacky as shit, if they can’t afford the party then it’s their prerogative to trim off the excess fat and budget.
I don’t understand this mentality of going around cap in hand asking your immediate family to donate to your wedding fund. As a guy, id be mortified asking my own family not to mention asking my partners family for money.
NTA
I stopped reading when you said you.pay your mom 1k each for rent????? Like what?? Tell her she is.more than welcome to use the rent money for your sister.
NTA
SECOND THIS HEAVILY!
NTA
You don’t have to contribute. Your sister doesn’t have to contribute. Your mother doesn’t have to contribute.
As the oldest sibling, I’d never dream of approaching my younger siblings for money for my wedding. I’d be mortified if anyone suggested it.
Nta. Tell her no. They can delay the wedding and save properly or cut back. My wedding was 15k and damn it we paid it ourselves. Your sister is acting entitled.
NTA tell them if they cant afford to fund their own wedding, they can save thousands by not getting married. The bride’s siblings are under no obligation to pay for her wedding.
Her bad financial choices are not your responsibility.
You’re 23 years old and she expects you to chip in for her wedding? She needs to have a wedding within her means. She should try the courthouse. Your mom needs to bring her to a full stop. You and Blaire aren’t an ATM.
You lost me at working part time for minimum wage, in school, saving for the future, paying $1000CAD for rent to your mom AND being able to afford $2K. This is not computing. I am struggling to believe this is real.