Hey Reddit, I don’t normally post on here but I have been in my feels the last couple days so I need a secondary opinion to see if my feelings are valid ! every single year my dad and his family, my stepmom and my half sisters take a vacation to somewhere tropical. and I have never been invited. I may add that growing up. I was always the kid that came there on weekends and for a lot of of my teen years I wanted really nothing to do with them as I would rather have gone out and partied, and I always could feel the disconnect when I was there. once I hit my 20s I did clean my life up quite a bit and still I’ve never I had never been invited. We’ve always had an OK relationship my dad and I I always had better times when it was just me and him and recently I have had a child so they have been trying to be more involved in my life now that I’m in my late 20s going on 30. it has really started to hit me how I am pretty much excluded from that part of their life. it hurts when I am scrolling through my Instagram feed and I see my stepmom post things like family and it’s her two daughters and my dad obviously I’m not there so I can’t be in the picture. Sometimes it would be nice to even just have an invite to come even if I did not end up going I mean it’s the thought that counts right am I the asshole for feeling upset and pissed off that I am never invited and there’s never an intention to even try to invite me. I would also like to mention throughout my life. They have gone on multiple trips as a family(not just vacations at Christmas )and I have never once been invited on one. I guess it’s just really starting to hit me that I am super left out and now they only kind of want to be involved in my life due to the fact of me having a baby yet are still leaving me out from their “family”. So Reddit, what’s your opinion? Am I crazy?😂
INFO: Have you ever let your father know you’d like to be included? If you spent most of your time being disinterested in him, your stepmother, and your half-sisters, he might not realize you’re feeling left out. It’s essential to inform him so that the status quo doesn’t persist. However, you definitely seem to harbour some resentment, as you used quotations when referring to them as family. Do you even want to go, or do you just want to be asked?
I don’t really think there is an actual interpersonal conflict here to put an AITA judgment on, but I would comment:
By your own description, you wanted nothing to do with them for years. I’m sure they got the message. Have you told your dad or any of them that you now feel the opposite and would like to be included? Because honestly your post reads as though you’re just sitting there going “why don’t they invite meeee??” when the answer is obvious.
I think you set the tone of your relationship – and while you cleaned yourself up, you never made an effort to reset the tone that you yourself established.
NAH. You aren’t wrong for feeling hurt, but you said yourself that you wanted nothing to do with them for years. They got the message. Sounds like it’s maybe time to have a nice honest conversation with your dad. Perhaps you both have things to apologize for, and you can let him know how much you’d like to mend the relationship and spend more time with them. I wouldn’t start things off mad at him for not including you given the history you provided. Do you have a relationship with your half sisters? If not, try and start one. Best of luck!
Yes I do have a relationship with them I have been pretty involved in their lives for the last 9/10 years it was more in my teens that I didn’t come around because I have BPD and they didn’t really understand how to deal with that I should have added that but I feel like that is what added to my social disconnect there when I was younger
INFO:
Are your half siblings minors?
Does your dad pay for these vacations? Does your step-mom pay for the vacations? Or does everyone pay their own way?
You made it pretty clear you previously wanted nothing to do with them. Have you actually told them you’d like to be included? Honestly it sounds like you just one day decided to get mad over something that has never previously been an issue.
They are adults and my dad and stepmom cover them and i am almost 30 now I was distant in my teens and they have been very involved in my life for the last 10 years even more now that I have a child that they want to be around
NTA for how you feel. Dad might be a little bit of an A for not making you feel more welcome when you were a kid— you say you “always could feel the disconnect when you were there”. But you are an adult now, and you can try to have an honest conversation about wanting to feel more like a full member of the family. Maybe you can have that conversation just with your Dad, but if you really want to be part of the family I imagine you’ll also want to make some effort to bond more intentionally with step-mom and the sisters.
If I’m reading you wrong and you don’t want to be closer and really just want a tropical vacation, then maybe try saving up to go with friends or your partner. It would be easier to see your step-fam on vacation without you if you know you have a more enjoyable option for yourself.
i definitely do what them to be involved especially now that I have a baby and want his to have his aunts and grandfather and nana be involved in his life! I just don’t know where to start with that conversation with my dad as I don’t want to feel greedy but I also want to be included
NAH
Have you spoken to your dad and expressed how you feel that you would want to spend more time on holidays.
You’re in your late 30s with a kid, they might not be extending an invite to you because they don’t know if you are interested. I suggest maybe reaching out to your dad and making the suggestion of a family trip together.
Relationship works both ways.
I am Just turning 30 this year but I definitely will take that advice!
My dad does the same. They go on vacations a few times a year and I have never been invited. Just letting you know you’re not alone in feeling left out.