My best friend decided to tell me a week ago that she was moving out tomorrow. Not great but whatever I figured it out I’ll make it work. So then I decided to start thinking about what I could do with her room once she moved out as something to somewhat take my mind off the stress of the situation. I decided I could possibly put my 3 big bookshelves in there so I measured my shelves and then measured her wall and she said I was insensitive for doing so. That I should at least wait til she’s gone and out to start planning what I’m doing with her room. (She’s moving out on her own accord I’d get it if I was kicking her out but I’m not) I just want to know if I’m in the wrong in this situation? My husband is bias so I can’t ask him and I don’t want to skew anyone’s opinion with the whole details of my side of the story. So just in this instance am I the ahole?
Backstory I guess is needed- I have no clue honestly it’s all been a blur why she’s moving out. I’ve been dealing with health issues and whatnot so I’ve been a little bit oblivious to a lot of things. She came to me a week before next rent was due and let me know she was moving out in 7 days because she “just wanted to be alone” I think is what she said. Mind you this is leaving me in a very deep hole with bills since there was no heads up or further planning into this. Tbh I’ve done so much for her it’s ridiculous. I’ve become homeless 2 times now to save her from certain situations, I’ve taken care of her for the last 3 years gave up my car for her all for this big slap in the face of you have a week to figure out how you’re gonna go from $1200 a month in bills to 2400 and in a week no less plus the back pay for bills that she hasn’t paid for the last 3 months. Not to mention the letter said she didn’t want me to be mad at her and while as her friend I’m elated she’s doing something she thinks will make her happy at the same time I’m very frustrated she’d ever put me in this position. Like I said tho I put that away figured it out so I’m fine on that front now so I decided to start thinking about the good things that could come out of this.
Yes Monica. You should have waited until Rachel moved in with Phoebe before you and Chandler measured her wall.
Eh, I mean barely. It’s a perception thing. She probably thinks you measured it because you’re excited about having the space.
Just apologize for being insensitive.
I am kinda excited to have the space now. I wasn’t when she first told me she’s the one who started giving me suggestions on what to use the room for. I was originally just planning on closing off the whole back of the house just so I didn’t have to deal with it.
Absolutely NTA. She should be apologising for putting you in a position when you need to plan what to do with a room in a week. She could have at least given you a month notice.
She thinks she is the center of the universe or something ?
You all sound repulsive and immature here lol, You are 2 adults I suppose? Simple say you did not mean it in a way to be happy about her moving out, but that you should have waited till she is gone, simple as that…
Info: Why is she moving out? Is it because of something bad (moving back home to take care of ailing parents, etc.)? Is it causing her a lot of stress? Is it in any way related to you?
My flash judgement:
If she is upset or stressed out about the move, slight Y-T-A. Should’ve just waited a day rather than reminding her of it and seeming unsympathetic.
If the move is due to any interpersonal conflict between the two of you (even if you aren’t “kicking her out”), strong Y-T-A. Obviously.
But if she’s *happily* and willingly moving out N-T-A. Maybe the tiniest bit rude if you didn’t have her permission first, though.
Basically, is she celebrating or dreading the move?
She’s dreading the move but she chose it. Nothing forced her to do so. It’s mostly been complaints about how it stresses her out that I can make my bill money from home (never late or not have enough) while she goes to work Monday through Friday (is always late and hardly has enough)
Yeah, I’m sticking with my “slight YTA” verdict, especially given that she’s your best friend, not just some rando that you’re rooming with. There’s sort of the expectation that you should be a good *friend*, as well as roommate.
Since it’s not like you have a deadline on getting those bookshelves moved, it would’ve been nicer if you’d been helpful (if possible) and supportive rather than appearing insensitive to her plight, like you’re just thinking about how you’ll benefit once she’s gone.
she gives you a weeks notice on rent and has the nerve to call you insensitive
NTA, but reading the backstory, she’s not your best friend. She is more like your best mooch considering the fact that you’ve become homeless TWICE because of her in the past. You are her easy fall-back plan that she can always rely on, but you can’t rely on her.
Once she is gone, and the landlord allows it, change the locks. Don’t let her back into your home or your life. If she calls you for “help”, tell her that you are sorry but you can’t help this time. If you feel generous, send her information on services that could help her. But this is your sign to stop setting yourself on fire to help someone who only wants to take from you. If she throws a fit about your lack of help, let her. If she ends the usership because you won’t help, oh well, you’ll regain more in your life without having her in it, than you would keeping her around.
This is your sign to put yourself (and your husband) first. Cut the user off.
NTA.
She moves out and you will use the room afterwards.
what do you mean by: “My husband is bias”?
Is he biased towards you or the friend and why?
Toward me and her. He’s bias towards me because he knows I’m just a rug to most people and they get along for the most part it’s just one of those things that for instance he leaves dishes out so she gets frustrated and she leaves dishes out so he gets frustrated they both get upset with each other for doing the same things and my husband almost always sides with me.
NTA. I think she wanted you to kick off about leaving you and how she can’t do that to you and instead you just accepted it and are making the best of things and her ego is hurt.