I’m really confused and honestly feeling guilty, so here goes
My mom is getting a colonoscopy soon. It’s not an emergency, and my dad will be with her the whole time. Doctor said it’s a day procedure and she’ll be under observation for a couple of hours after.
Around the same time, my husband has been planning a trip to his native place. This is not last minute . he has been talking about this trip for almost a month. Recently it got finalized that we’ll go by car, and my mom-in-law will also be coming with us. It’s a long drive.
Here’s the part people don’t really get: my marriage is not easy. My husband is not very open to discussions and just talk to him usually turns into fights, tension, and days of bad vibes. I’m honestly exhausted from constantly standing my ground and paying for it emotionally. So when plans are made and talked about for weeks, backing out becomes a huge issue.
I didn’t immediately tell my husband or in-laws about my mom’s procedure because I knew it would turn into pressure and blame about cancelling or changing plans. I spoke to my best friend instead, and she basically said I’m wrong and implied I’m being a bad daughter. She has a very chill husband, so I don’t think she really understands my situation.
I also asked my brother who he lives abroad if I should be there and he said yes it’s better if I stay with mom which just added to my guilt because he himself can’t be there.
I do love my mother and if this was an emergency or if she was alone I wouldn’t even question it. But she won’t be alone and I feel completely burnt out trying to manage everyone’s expectations all the time.
So AITA for not changing my travel plans and not being physically present for my mom’s colonoscopy given my marriage dynamics and the fact that my dad will be with her
Girl wtf. why are you with someone who fights with you constantly that you cannot even have a normal conversation with?
NTA Colonoscopy is a real minor deal if your Dad is taking her why do you even need to be there? But lose the husband. He sounds awful…..
I second this. You don’t need to be there for your Mom for this procedure, but you need to leave this controlling SOB that you’re married to.
Oh dear. This isn’t normal. Your marriage should be your safe place. You shouldn’t feel scared of setting off a reaction from your husband all the time.
And I’ve had a few colonoscopies. You don’t need a support network; you need a ride home after. Your mother is being completely unreasonable.
It sounds like you’re surrounded by people who like to beat up on you and then make you feel guilty for it.
NTA Really, a colonoscopy isn’t a big deal, it’s a routine procedure. I have no idea why everyone is pressuring you to go when she already has someone there. Your dad will walk back with her, sit while she gets checked in and then wait in the lobby until she is ready.
Also, though, you have a much bigger problem with your husband and life is too short to be strapped to someone like that.
your mom has your dad for a routine procedure but it sounds like you’re actually scared of your own husband and that’s the real emergency here
As someone who has had 3 colonoscopies, I can tell you they are no big deal. Honestly, the prep the day before is the yuckiest part. As long as your dad is there to drive her and keep an eye on her, she will be fine.
YOU are not fine. You are stressed and burned out from constant people pleasing. I’m sorry, but your husband sounds like a nightmare, and your response is to bend over backwards to keep the peace. I suggest some serious self care, learning how to set boundaries, and stop sacrificing your own sanity trying to make everyone else comfortable. Unhappy people will always be unhappy no matter what you do. They are just using you as their target.
I didn’t read all, but it’s kinda weird for a daughter to accompany the mom when the dad is already there. It’s a colonoscopy, not a family reunion ffs.