I (M30) and my brother (M32) are not so close from the beginning mainly due to favoritism and i being the unwanted middle child, we have a younger sister (F29).
we have farm lands but the farm were not so huge and yeild of the farm is comparatively very low, not enough for our family. so when my mom got an opportunity to send one of her sons to foreign land to work, she decided to send me instead because she wanted her favorite child to be with her, my brother.
eventhough i got married recently and leaving for work means leaving my wife here at the village because the pay and working conditions were not good enough alongside i have to keep on sending money at home also. i left for work & worked for 5 years with only 2 home visits a year, tough time for my wife & kid. i also had to miss my child birth because of this but i never regretted that because i always use to think that the struggle i am doing now will make future of my children bright.
in those 5 years i gained a lot of exposure and decided to start something of my own, for this i had to sell half of my share of land, my family (mother, brother and sister) were not so happy about it as they thought i am doing something very stupid. they didn’t supported any of this but i still did it and it turns out to be the best thing i have ever done in my life, my business made me a good chunk of money then i finally decided to move my wife and kid out of the village and settle in city where i purchased a new house.
everything was going well for me until my mom brother and sister demanded that whatever fortune i made should be divided equally between me and my brother.
there reasoning for this is – i only get to work outside and get the exposure for my business because my brother took care of my family at the village, and if not him i were never able to even get out of the village. so whatever success i got after moving out of the village was not of my own but a shared success with my brother and he should get half of it. while my reasoning is – i never choose to go, i was forced because he wanted to stay and we didn’t have enough for all of us. whatever time i was outside working i was sending money home regularly so its not that hes taking care of my family for free, he getting paid for it also when i was outisde my brother used to work on my share of land also so whatever money generated from it used to go to him only, not to my wife i would also like to mention that if i choose someone else to work on my land then i would have got a much higher amount than the amount my brother was telling me hes generating from my share of land but i didnt because deep down i also wanted him to be present for my family eventhough that means sacrificing some money.
my extended family and my community is also supporting my brother claims and everyone except for my family and my wife family are against me and calling me AH for not giving half of my fortune to my brother.
NTA it’s not your job to parent your brother
NTA, you made that money for your family – your wife and child! Your brother can make his own money.
NTA- they see you as a bank account , not family. They would never do it for you if he had been the one to leave. You’re an adult. Focus on your family (wife and kids) and they can figure it out in their own.
You were sent away to work and send money back to them – you’ve more than done your share, and they haven’t been supporting you.
NTA
If I were you, I’d stop sending anything back to them, they haven’t been treating you like family for years. They’ve been treating you as a source of income that they don’t have to worry about.
Exactly, you’ve already done way more than your share. No reason to keep giving when they’ve never really had your back.
Conversely, if your efforts after leaving home would have gone negative, would they have supported that? In other words, what if you had gone into severe debt, would they help you with that, or just blamed it on you and left the burden in your hands? I didn’t think you’re the AH, I think they’re greedy. Just curious, what lands are you in my friend?
NTA. Your brother lived home for free. You paid for a house. Your brother owes you money since he lived home for free.
NTA – My guy, you are still the unwanted one, just with money now and they try to do what they always did and push the thumb onto you to gain an advantage from your work. Distance yourself from these horrendous people and free yourself from that. You and your wife deserve a life of your own.
NTA. Don’t give them a dime. You paid him while you worked away, so you don’t owe him anything.
With a brother and family like this, who needs enemies… From what you described, NTA.
NTA you have a bunch of leeches and not a family back home. Don’t give them anything.
Dump your family man they are leeches dont sent your brother anything. Tell him he can come work for u and earns his money.
So you get a third of everything they own? You get a third of the farm again?
What if the opportunity went wrong and you owed £100k in debt, would they pay £33k for you or would that be your debt?
NTA. Stop sending money and stop communicating with anyone who is telling you to give your “family” more than what you already have. Walk away with a clear conscience that you have gone above and beyond for them. They will never appreciate you and unless you put a stop to it now, they will never stop using you for everything they can get from you. You owe those people nothing. Good luck.