My best friend and I have known eachother for 14 years – we know eachother inside out. She has been dating a guy for the past 6 months. At first everything seemed to be going well, however in the last 3-4 months things have gone completely downhill.
It started with small issues such as him being very closed off emotionally. Whenever she would ask him questions, he would shut down entirely and distance himself from her or change the subject all together (these arent personal questions, but the general things you would talk about when getting to know someone). Over time this has escalated into much more serious concerns. She has discovered that he has given her a false name, and to this day he has not told her his real name, which gives concerns of what else is he not saying. There have been many other troubling situations such as him using his religion to manipulate her even though he will only follow his religion when he feels like it or it can benefit him (I want everyone to know I fully support different religions and cultures, however do not support it being used for manipulation). After she had an operation, he gave her his medication that had been prescribed to him for her to take, telling her it would help her with the pain, even though the medication is for something totally different.
We have had many conversations about all of this, during which I have expressed my serious concerns and she had said she was aware, but did not want to finish things as for the moment he was making her happy, so I stepped back. We also both expressed our concerns to eachother that we felt he could have been in the country illegally due to some of the above things, and additional concerns, to which she assured me that if she found out that he was in the country illegally she would finish things immediately. Since then he has admitted to her that he is in the country illegally, yet instead of leaving she has begun defending him and had started saying things that are totally out of character for her defending things that she has been totally against the whole time we have been friends – and I dont say that lightly given how well I know her.
I dont want to risk our friendship, but I am genuinely worried. I fear that this may all be part of a plan to get her to marry him or have a child with him so that he can remain in the UK legally, however then disappear once he has what he needs. Whilst I do understand that this would be her mistake to make, she is vulnerable and becoming blind to serious issues. I am deeply concerned that he is taking advantage of her and if something does not happen to stop this, I will be visiting her in hospital, or worse, her funeral. (This may seem like an exaggeration however the medication and speed of how things are getting progressively more serious is frightning)
So back to my question,
WIBTA for reporting my friends boyfriend to immigration?
Edit : We are in the UK, they do not live together however he is spending a frequent amount of time staying at her place and as I have said, we have had serious conversations however she has become blind to anything that anyone says, as if she is being totally blinded to any issues at all. Id also like to add, I know a hell of a lot of information about him from investigating, rightly or wrongly so. He has been in the UK for 4 years & I am also aware that 2 months before he met her, he was supposed to marry someone else for uk citizenship.
If you’re as close with this girl as you say you are, she should listen to you. Say everything you’ve said here to her, about how worried you are. Immediately trying to get him deported is a little much.
do you know what they’re doing to immigrants right now? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Talk to your friend, but YWBA if you call immigration. Don’t do that.
They’re in the UK so they don’t have gulags yet, but weaponizing immigration is still an AH move. Talk to the friend for sure.
Yes, you’d be a tremendous AH. Hate him all you want, but absolutely no one should be sent into ICE custody for such pettiness. Help her break up with him, give her a safe space, and support her. Do not subject him to torture
ETA: you’re in the UK! My advice is still support her, not punish him, but it makes a big difference that you’re not in the US
Don’t be that person. It’s low and dirty. YTA.
If you don’t agree with the system on a fundamental level then don’t use it for petty revenge over a 6-month relationship, are you actually serious?
I don’t live in the UK like OP, but when I saw the title, I assumed OP was in the USA and thought, is OP really about to send this guy to a concentration camp? Damn,
How is this your problem… do you know where else in history This was a common practice? Stay in your lane.
What has happened to us…
In my eyes, you are already an AH
YTA. Wow. Maybe talk to your friend before you do anything stupid. Great way to lose this friend.
YWBTA
I feel like there has to be a better way to handle this than reporting the guy to immigration. Can you get other loved ones (e.g., parents, siblings, other friends) involved so she sees that it’s not just you that is concerned? Maybe have her tell a professional about the situation for an “objective” evaluation? I agree all of these things are bad and she should get away from him, but I also know there is a lot of gray area for being an “illegal immigrant” and being a bad boyfriend, lying to your girlfriend, and being generally shady doesn’t qualify as a crime worthy of deportation.
NTA. It sounds like he is coercing her and probably abusive. Act before it’s too late.
YTA.
Weaponizing someone’s immigration status against them is always an asshole move.
You’re also being just as manipulative to your friend as you accuse him of being. You’re using info she shared with you in confidence to make major decisions on her behalf.
Why are people mentioning ICE ? This clearly says they’re in the UK.. and yes you’d be the asshole. You already said she’s begun defending him, find better ways to get her to break it off if you’re that concerned for her safety. She’s for sure going to cut you off if you call immigration on him.
People saw the title and the wall of text and thought TLDR.
That being said, remember in 2025 when the UK proposed a *”Removals Force” directly modelled after ICE in the USA?”*
Just because it’s not ICE, doesn’t mean it’s a perfect system with no human rights violations or systemic bigotry.
If this woman is in danger of something like possible human trafficking by all means get the authorities involved. But for that OP is going to need more proof/documentation to not make things riskier for her friend