I (28F) have been friends with her (26F) for about 3 years and we’ve gotten really close really quickly. But, she’s been in a few relationships and on quite a few dates with many men in that time (She is gorgeous). But, the men she goes out with are the worst and it’s always the same type. (Tall, buzzed hair) I blame this on her because she is very particular about looks. They’re terrible. For example, the guy she is dating now said she shouldn’t expect gifts from him because it’s just not something he does. I already know this isn’t working out long term and I’ve been there for her over and over in the past but it doesn’t end. She needs to be less shallow when it comes to dating. I’ve expressed this to her and said I can’t hear any more about her love life if she’s not willing to progress as an individual. AITAH?
Nta, but the problem isn’t being shallow, the problem is that she has no standards outside the looks department, we can’t control who we like, but we can control who we’re dating.
Having no standards outside of the looks department is almost exactly the definition shallow in this context.
Nta. You determine in what you are willing to subject yourself. Avoiding yet another of your friends train wreck relationship and its fallout is protecting yourself from that negative energy.
Based on the information available it’s kinda hard to say; I’d be more inclined to say she’s the AH if she were constantly lamenting bad dating choices and refusing to do any self reflection about it.
But tbh you kinda come across as the AH for being weirdly judgemental about her choice in partners’ looks??
Based on what’s here, YTA.
OP is talking about personalities (or something along that line not sure but defo sure it’s not looks), so she isn’t really judging her friend for their preference in looks.
I think the point was she chooses specific looks despite them not matching in personality. As in they are bad matches other than the look she likes.
This is more what I meant by that. There isn’t anything inherently bad about a certain look.
NTA you put out a reasonable boundary, you can’t keep hearing about a problem if she won’t even look for a solution, obviously how she’s finding guys or who she puts time into is the problem and until she accepts that things won’t change
Getting to the meat of the matter:
>I’ve expressed this to her and said I can’t hear any more about her love life
That’s fine, but this:
> if she’s not willing to progress as an individual.
is not. Suggesting that she’s lacking “as an individual” is hyper-judgmental, and you’re basically trying to dictate to her how she should “progress” in this area.
YTA for that.
LoL what? Hyper judgemental? Dictating her life?? None of that is happening. No idea what you are even reading but it’s not this post.
NAH – yet. She likes who she likes. You’ve tried to give her advice, she’s resistant to that advice. It’s okay to just walk away.
Keep pushing and you become the asshole.
NTA. It’s her choice, but it’s your time and emotional labor.
NTA. You’ve set a boundary. Having friends who only talk about one thing is incredibly frustrating and draining.
NTA – so been in this exact same situation. It is exhausting. That being said, she still does it. She is just stupid about men, and a little crazy so ya know. I love her, what can I say, the constant re-run whining has lessened so it all worked out in the end.