My brother is 15, almost 16 and I (18F) live with him and my parents. I’ve got quite a random work routine so some days I’ll be home when my brother gets home from school, and other days I won’t. On the days that I am at home, my brother gets home around 3, my mum around 4 and my dad at 5. My parents are always drilling responsibility into him, yet he never listens. He never tidies up after himself, leaves every light on in the house, doesn’t lock the door when he leaves and also forgets his keys.
When I am at home, he forgets his keys most days, which, if it was a normal person, I’d be fine to go open the door to him. But because it happens at least twice every week for around two years I am sick and tired of it and I’ve started to not let him in. This means he usually has to wait outside until 4 when my mum gets home to let him in. I get that it’s mean to do this to him, but it happens so so often along with all the other things he doesn’t bother to do that it all builds up and makes me angry. Especially since my mum always tends to let him off the hook for it and tidies up after him without a word.
Recently though, if he knows I’ll be home to let him in, he’ll purposefully forget his keys, or just lie that he doesn’t have them so he can ring the doorbell loads and bang on the door to piss me off. It stresses me out, mostly because this year I’ll be going to uni and so I won’t be there to pick up after him.
Anyways, like I said my mum always lets him off, and tends to put the blame onto me, but my dad is a lot firmer but never actually follows through on any of his punishments like taking away his playstation or grounding him. So, please let me know if you think I should be nicer to him or not 🙂
edit: i think i should add that he’s been calling me b\*tch and c\*nt and telling me to shut up whenever i ask *anything* of him, even just simple things, not telling him off or anything. it really really makes me upset because he’s been doing it for a while and when i do tell my parents that him calling me names like that upsets me, they don’t do much and he carries on. hence why maybe it seems like im *ironically* a bit of a b\*tch for not opening the door for him. the way he treats me makes me a lot less tolerant of small things like that which is stupid and immature i know but the way he acts towards me makes me feel horrible about myself.
Why don’t you go out (library etc) on the days your brother is expecting you to be in – if he’s deliberately forgetting his keys and doesn’t know you won’t be there, he might start getting the message that he needs to be more responsible?
make a point of being out at 3pm EVERY day for a week and see what happens.
T H I S
Just hang out at the library or a friend’s house.
tbh I disagree with the comments I don’t think Y T A because as someone with 6 siblings and as a teacher he knows what he’s doing and it is him being lazy and honestly probably him trying to annoy you. however in the grand scheme of things is opening the door a huge deal? if it really feels like a deal breaker to you leave the house during that time. Go to the library, a coffee shop, something else until 4 when your mom gets home.
NTA cuz he knows what he’s doing. If he is always forgetting his key, that’s his problem for not learning his lesson the last 50 times. Honestly, he’s probably just lazy. When you leave for college, he’s either gonna be SOL or miraculously remember his key, which will prove how could always learn basic life skills but chose laziness instead.
These comments are insane. NTA
He’s gonna learn real quick to remember them when you go to uni. There won’t be anyone to let him in if he forgets them.
Yeah, his parents are doing him no favors by coddling him. Let’s see what happens when he calls his room mate a b\*tch for not letting him in. Or calling the uni administrator a c\*nt for fining him for losing his keys.
NTA buuuuut as the oldest sibling it took me many years to come to terms with it’s not up to us to parent the younger ones. Honestly, I’d find a library/friend’s/coffee shop to hang out at til be gets home. It’s not ideal when you’d rather be home, but it saves a lot of stress and removes you from that position entirely. Protect your peace. If your parents aren’t willing to follow through there’s nothing you can do to make up for it. Been there.
NTA he’s almost an adult and can’t be bothered to find a way to remember his keys. What us he gonna do when you leave?
Since he seems to purposefully do it, you can pretend that you’ll be there tomorow since you don’t work, but then go out for an errand or go see a friend around the time he gets back. Just say it wasn’t planned
NTA honestly if your parents aren’t teaching him who will? He will learn the hard way not to forget his keys in the future. And to ppl saying you are try to be in his shoes for a minute. Try opening the door at a specific time everyday. Doesn’t matter that you are sleeping, doing chores, homework. I disagree with most of everyone in the comments
Tell him that neither b*thches or c*nts have opposable thumbs with which to open a door for him
NTA. If he can’t treat you with basic human decency, you do not owe him weekly favours that he has proven he would refuse to do himself if it were you in his place. Honestly your parents are putting him at a major disadvantage later in life by enabling this sort of behaviour. At the same time, you will be out of that house in a year, so I guess pick your battles, for your own peace of mind.
NTA. This comments section is wild. I work with kids and there are a million ways your parents can help him or check to make sure he has his key when he leaves in the morning. He may have ADHD, but he also has to learn to function in the world. He’s old enough to know better, disability or not.