I (18F) am currently residing in the UK for college, originally from Texas. Even though summer is still months away, my friends and I have already been discussing plans and purchasing tickets to see each other in August. I had already told my family in advance that I *had plans in August* and would be spending that time seeing my friends. I also made it clear that I had no interest in going on a family vacation.
Towards the end of Christmas break, I was informed that my grandparents had decided our Christmas gift this year would be a cruise for the entire extended family. They booked it without consulting anyone first… and of course, it’s scheduled for August. Meaning it directly conflicts with my already-made plans.
For context, this side of my family has made it very clear they don’t agree with my lifestyle choices and have said some very hurtful things to me in the past. But I feel bad, given this is family, so I’m a bit conflicted. They also know I don’t enjoy spending time with them like that and that I get severe seasickness. So the idea of being stuck on a boat with them for a week is definitely not how I want to spend my summer.
Am I the asshole if I don’t go?
NTA. You’re 18. Your feelings are valid and ultimately no one can force you to go on that cruise. Spend your time with who you want doing what you want.
NTA in my opinion, if you did make it clear to your grandparents. It seems like they didn’t respect the boundaries you placed.
“I’m sorry, I already have plans at that time.” NTA
NTA
Not even sure why you’re asking.
NTA. Booking a cruise for so many people without discussing availability is a great way to waste money.
You’re already NTA but the fact that these people know you have severe sea sickness and still chose a CRUISE of all things just makes this even worse. You’re definitely NTA, but your family members are. I struggle with severe motion sickness and vertigo as part of a rare condition I have. It’s absolute hell that I would never wish on another person. I’m especially mad for you.
NTA. They clearly didn’t care if you would enjoy yourself or if you could come. If they did care about you enjoying yourself, the wouldn’t have booked a cruise when it’s known that you get seasick. If they cared about you being able to join the trip, they would have checked everyone’s schedules before booking (they didn’t have to reveal what exactly they were up to).
Screw ’em. Enjoy visiting your friends.
NTA. if you’ve made it clear to them that you have no interest in going, or seeing them, don’t go. but politely decline to avoid any further conflict.
NTA. This is definitely an ‘as per my previous email’ situation.
Contact your grandparents and thank them for such a thoughtful gift but unfortunately you’re unavailable at that time, as you had advised back in (month), but you hope they have a great trip and you look forward to seeing photos of their time together. (This is you reframing the issue, giving your grandparents a gracious ‘out’ of they forgot about your plans rather than them trying to strong-arm you into behaving they way they want you to – and not for nothing, but this approach can also put the other party off-balance during the discussion.)
Stand your ground on this one – don’t let your plans be dismissed. Have a great time with your friends! 🙂
NTA. I would focus on the fact you have severe seasickness so can’t go on a cruise. Your other reasons are valid too, but they might argue with them.
NTA. You have other plans and can’t go. Be sure to inform the grandparents you can’t be there.
NTA. The only person who is in this situation is your family. I mean really who invites a person with severe sea sickness on a cruise? Only someone dumb or evil. Ask yourself; would you gift someone a week of suffering? That is on the same level as gifting someone a puppy they can’t take care of or didn’t want.
NTA. “Wow, what a wonderful gift. I’m sorry I will not be able to go as I have made other arrangements for August, including school/work/whatever. I hope everyone has a great time!”
“ oh that sounds like fun but as I told you, I already have non-refundable plans in August”