I feel like I have already done a lot for my family so it really hurts when they call me selfish. My family asked for help. I gave it to them for a long time. I did this without complaining because I thought that is what I should do. I wanted to support my family.. Now they criticize me and that feels very unfair. I have given them a lot of my money. I always feel guilty. I am very tired of giving my family money and feeling bad about it. I just want to take care of myself for a change. I want to be able to do things for myself. My family is important, to me. I need to think about myself sometimes. I need to take care of myself because my family is not the thing that matters to me I matter to me too.
I am 16 years old. I live at home with my parents and my younger sibling. My family is always talking about money because we do not have a lot of it. I have a part-time job that I go to after school and on weekends. The money I make from my part-time job is not a lot. I try to use it for the things I really need like school supplies and clothes and transportation to get to school and my part-time job. Money is a problem, for my family and it causes a lot of stress for my parents and me and my younger sibling.
A year ago my parents started asking me for financial help. They needed help with things, like buying groceries or paying a bill when they did not have enough money. As time went on they asked for my help more and more. I started giving my parents most of the money I earned from my job. I had to stop putting money in my savings account and I even skipped things I wanted to do at school. I did not want to ask my parents for money when I knew they might need the money I had so I just did not do those things. My parents needed help and I was giving them my money.
I tried to set a boundary with my parents. I told them that I can still help them out sometimes. I do not want to give them most of my money all the time. The conversation with my parents did not go well all. My parents told me that I am being selfish. They said that family is supposed to help family and they think this is especially true because I live at home with them. My parents criticized the things that I like to buy. They said that if I can afford to buy these things then I should be able to help my parents with money. I feel like my parents do not understand my boundary, with money. I want to help my parents. I also want to keep some of my money for myself.
Since then, things at home have been tense. I love my family and I know they’re stressed, but it feels like I’m being treated as a source of income instead of their child. Am I wrong for saying I can’t keep financially supporting my family at 16?
NTA
In the US (and many other countries), your parents are legally required to support you until you’re 18, not the other way around.
You are not of age to be taking care of them, and it’s disgusting that they would ask you to do that. They need to figure out a better plan because you are still a child.
Nta not your responsibility
NTA- your parents have is ass backwards. It is THEIR responsibility to provide for you in all ways, including financially. You are not selfish for wanting to keep some of your money for yourself. Especially when it seems like you spend that money on things for yourself that they are technically responsible for. All that family helps family is manipulative. How come they aren’t helping you? I can tell you this- if you don’t put a stop to it now, they will continue to take a guilt you when you are an adult. To the point you miss out on opportunities for higher education because you feel compelled to work to take care of two adults and their child. What happens when you decide to have a family & need to divert your money to them?
NTA. Bills and groceries are not your responsibility unless you are an adult living at home, which you are not.
However, if they are struggling due to times being tough, it is kind of you to help but it should not be something either demanded or expected. The money is yours as you earned it, and that you are already having to spend it on your own necessities should be enough of a relief for them.
You need to take care of yourself first. If you are not doing well, physically, mentally, emotionally you will not be able to take care of anyone. Stick to your boundaries. Keep 75% of your $$ for your needs.
NTA, not even close. Your parents are being completely irresponsible, and you’ll need to learn, way too young, how to say no and not feel bad about it.
First, your parents are the one that should be supporting you financially, not the other way around.
If you quit your job, what they gona do?
If you are paying for your school supplies you already helping them, by not asking for these things and i do believe this is the most a 16 year old should do to help.
Keep saving as much as you can, so you can leave home as soon as possible when you turn 18, otherwise. You will never have anything, because your parents keep quilting you in giving them your money.
You also can set an x amount to help them, as long it doesn’t affect your plans. If it comes to the worst, just stop working and study as hard as you can to get a scholarship for a good uni.
Your parents are not responsibility.
NTA. Your parents need to understand they are supposed to be taking care of you. I know in a lot of poor families children need to help out but you have to draw the limit somewhere. Make sure you are putting your money in an account they cant touch and that access only by internet, no bank mail to your house. I’m assuming youre still in high school so maybe there is a guidance counselor or teacher you can talk to about this. In a couple of years you’ll be of legal age and attend college or trade school on a scholarship, or work a full time job to help you move out.
NTA. I would talk to the school. It’s not your job to give them any money whatsoever. It’s their job to take care of you.
I stepped up at 16, the oldest of eight. My next youngest sister only cared about herself. I busted my ass to feed , house and cloth them. They are all successful, and think I’m a dirtball loser. Moved 1,200 miles away, haven’t spoken to them in 8 years. Good Luck. NTA.
NTA. You are 16. You are the child— your parents are required to clothe, house and feed you, not the other way around. They are burning you out with their financial struggles, which is just not right. You are being taken advantage of.
NTA. You are not the 3rd parent in that household. It’s not your responsibility to provide for your family of origin at age 16. Please report this to a school counselor if you don’t have food in the home.
“My parents told me that I am being selfish. They said that family is supposed to help family, and they think this is especially true because I live at home with them.”
You are a child. THEY are being selfish and trying to convince you that you are. PARENTS are supposed to raise and support their children until the age of 18 – period. Shame on them both for even asking you for financial help. Just because they are family, does not obligate the child to support them. I hope you have kept track of what you have given them because they owe every dime of it back to you. Keep putting your money in savings and do NOT tell them about it. Something tells me you’re going to need it down the road to get out on your own. Good luck NTA