Throwaway for obvious reasons
I honestly don’t even know where to start and I’m still kind of shaking so sorry if this is all over the place.
I’m 26F, live alone, work full time. I don’t make crazy money but I’m stable and I budget a lot. I finally bought a car last year after saving for YEARS. I grew up sharing everything and I wanted one thing that was mine
My sister is 32 and pregnant with her 4th kid. Yes fourth. Before anyone asks, no they are not doing great financially. They never really have been. Her husband jumps between jobs and she hasn’t worked in a long time. My parents constantly help them out with rent, groceries, bills, everything.
Last week she calls me crying saying they’re getting evicted. I felt horrible. I really did. I spent like an hour on the phone trying to calm her down and I even looked up assistance programs and places that might help temporarily.
Then she said she needs my car.
At first I thought she meant like borrowing it. Nope. She meant give it to her. Like permanently. She said she needs it more than me because she has kids and I don’t, and that public transport is fine for someone like me.
I said no. Calmly at first.
Then she started saying stuff like I don’t understand real responsibility and that if anything happens to her baby because she can’t get around that’s on me. That really messed with my head. She kept crying and saying family wouldn’t do this to her.
Then my parents called. Apparently she called them right after. They said I should help since I’m financially stable and I can always get another car later. My mom literally said I only go to work and back so what do I even need it for.
I snapped. I know I did. I said her poor planning and her baby are not my responsibility and I’m tired of being expected to sacrifice because she keeps making bad choices.
Now everyone is furious at me. Like nuclear furious. My sister is posting vague stuff on Facebook about toxic people and fake family and everyone knows it’s about me. Relatives I barely talk to are messaging me telling me I’ll regret this one day.
I feel awful but also angry and honestly really hurt. I worked hard for my life and it feels like I’m being punished for it. I don’t think I should lose my car because she keeps having kids she can’t afford but maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that.
I don’t know. Am I actually the asshole here?
NTA. The block button is a mighty powerful tool.
NTA. She and her family can go live your mom and your mom can drive her around or she can give her car to your sister. I mean, being family and all.
NTA who is she to talk about responsibility when your parents are the ones funding her entire life and her kids life 🙄 Tell anyone harassing you that they’re free to give their cars to her and then block them.
NTA- shes way too entitled
Your sister is being completely unreasonable. NTA.
You have a pretty toxic family if they all think you should give up your car. It’s good that they are all giving up their cars to her… right..? Oh, they aren’t doing that? It’s weird that it falls on you to give up yours. You probably need to start going low/no contact with these people if that’s how they act. Family members that expect you to give up everything for them when they fuck up, but offer nothing in return are just leeches you need to pull off.
NTA It is your car. You own your sister nothing
NTA. Remove everyone from social media and take a break from everyone. Don’t answer calls, don’t read the texts, don’t engage.
What you said was right, I don’t know how you said it, but at this point it doesn’t even matter.
It’s always very easy to spend other people’s money. If anyone else in the family wants to give her their car they are welcome to do so.
Keep living you life and moving forward. That is the whole point.
Just turn the noise off. Including the voice of guilt in your head.
NTA and if your parents feel that strongly she needs a car, they’re more than welcome to buy her one.
Your sister is a bum & feels entitled because she has children…nobody owes her anything but her husband
“I said her poor planning and her baby are not my responsibility and I’m tired of being expected to sacrifice because she keeps making bad choices.”
\—100% accurate and appropriate after being told to fork over your car.
Your sister needs to grow up and your family need to stop enabling her.
You keep the car!
And go LC with family.
Nta. Your sister needs birth control, not a car. She wants one so badly, she can save, just like you did. Oh, wait. She can’t. Because her deadbeat husband can’t hold down a job, and neither of them know how to keep it in their pants. Their dumb choices in birth control aren’t your damn problem. Let them blow up. They made that fire all on their own.
NTA. First it’s your car. Then it’s your house. She’ll never stop taking from you. You have one life and have worked hard for nice things / stability. You deserve it. Explain yourself once (if you feel like you must) and then block ppl if they don’t understand you. Good luck
NTA. You’re sister is delusional. The only help she needs is a pack of birth control. Cut her off, she seems toxic and vindictive. You’ll miss out on nothing except multiple demands for your hard earned resources, which I assure you, will never stop coming. We have a family member like that (I steer clear). Also disappointed that your mother sided with her as well. Set clear boundaries with your family, or live to regret that you didn’t. I’m sorry for the ordeal. You’re justified to be furious.