I’m a M(17), and me and my mom started arguing because of a point of view from her that i feel disgusted about. it started kinda with politics, but then she said she agreed with something that I can’t even say here because I wanna throw up everytime I think about it (it was very discriminating ideologies).
She said “dumb people like you…” and before she finished the sentence, i said “fuck this…”, and she started beating me saying I told her to fuck herself (??). she wanted to kick me out of the house. when i get too raged, i start closing and opening my fists unconsciously, and she saw that and said i wanted to beat her. it escalated to a point where my stepfather had to intervene and hold her.
she was yelling and beating me and my grandmother (mom of my stepfather) came to stop the fighting. but my other grandmother (mom of my mom) was talking to my uncle on the phone at the moment. he heard everything and asked my grandmother to hand me the phone and said: “are you eating shit at breakfast? what the fuck is this? in front of momma??”. he knows very well about the situation between me and my mother (this isn’t the first huge fight we have, its like the third or fourth) and always helped me and gave me advices (he’s the father figure i have), but now he’s REALLY pissed at me because it happened in front of my grandma, who is sick.
my mother said i was nothing to her anymore and to never reach her again. my uncle is the only one who can help me through college, + he’s the biggest inspiration of my entire life. i’m ashamed of doing it in front of my grandma and everyone else, and i’m terrified about him not wanting to talk to me anymore or stop helping me with my medical bills (i have severe depression and was pretty neglected by my mom). i dont give a shit about what my mom is thinking, at least not so much. but i do give a shit about him and everyone that experienced this nightmare.
he came to pick us (me and my grandma live in other city). he just came to take my grandma, but since i had nowhere to go and me and her gotta travel together, he got me out of there too. he didn’t talked to me or looked at me in the car or outside. he said to my grandma that he needed to get calmer so he could have a conversation with me. but was pretty pissed and disappointed with me and his sister for this happening right in front of her.
i feel like a piece of shit. if he gives up on me, i’ll have nothing left. my life will be as good as dead. i feel like the villain in this shit.
I’ll say NTA but you’re not doing yourself any favours by being volatile in front of family. Best way to deal with this is to not be reactive. Let them think what they think. If you don’t act out then they can’t win
yeah, i recognize i have a problem about just shut the fuck up when something deeply bothers me, and then here comes the fights…
Recognizing it is the first part of the solution. Now you actually have to do it.
First thing can you avoid the situation? Never be near your mum? I know some people can get you riled up, I just leave the room, get out of the building.
Clarification: Only thing you did was say ”Fuck this…”? And then your mother started beating you and you did not hit back?
This does not sound like you started a fight. There was no fight. Your mother assaulted you.
i only said “fuck this…” after she called me “dumb people”, and everytime she tried to hit me i just raised my arm to defend from the slap or take her arm out of the way from my face
Man I don’t think you did anything wrong, let alone anything that could be considered Asshole Behaviour
Apologize to your uncle and your gramma. Explain that you were so shocked and disgusted by what your mother said that you forgot to be aware that your gramma, whom you love dearly, was there, and you’re eaten up with guilt and worry about it. Tell him also that even if you hadn’t said a word, your gramma would have been upset because your mom suddenly started yelling and beating you.
Is there any way you and your gramma could live with your uncle? You have less than a year until you’re 18 and will hopefully go off to college.
Oooo this! This explanation is so well worded
Damn near word for word
NTA
Your mother is abusive, and I really hope you are free from her when you get to college. Sorry you had to go through this
She started beating you first but it escalated even more when you fought back instead of getting away from her. It sounds like a pretty chaotic situation. Is there a counseling center at your school where you could talk about it with someone (NOT other family members) who might offer some insight about how to deal with high stress family situations in a way that might help them not escalate into physical battles?
i finished school with 16 years. i’m now on my way to college and completing 18 years in 4 days
Good on you!!
It’s hard to weigh in without knowing what she said that set you off. Apologies to the people that were there are def something you should do. And maybe try to seek out some counselling to help give you the tools to navigate situations like this, and help you deal with the legitimately traumatic relationship with your mom. At school maybe? You are dealing with stuff that is undoubtedly painful, overwhelming, and generally not good. Trying to bury it and be ok will affect you forever. Good luck. I hope youre going to be ok.