I (20F) worked at a small, family owned Hispanic restaurant about a year ago and I had a lot of experiences with men (particularly the cooks) being inappropriate with us young girls (ages 16-22) working at the front. During my stint there, I talked to the cooks often to practice my Spanish because I was required to speak the language at the job but am not a native speaker. I was also encouraged to do so by my bosses, so I made sure to put boundaries in place about limiting romantic or sexual conversation before becoming acquainted with them. Nonetheless, there were many instances of them making slightly inappropriate remarks toward us but they never crossed a line to the point where we felt the need to speak to management (there was no HR of course). It got out of hand on one occasion where one of the cooks began talking about his sexual life to me and one of my coworkers who was 16; he also had a crush on her and eventually showed her graphic photos. The cook was fired, but the 16 year old has since been preyed on by another middle-aged man. My former boss at this restaurant also started a rumor that I was dating this man who is married and has a child once I left the job.
Eventually, I became work friends with two of the cooks who seemed to not be predatory like the rest. One of them who was like a father-figure continued to check up on me after I quit the job since I live alone and am not close with my family. However, after months of us having a very platonic relationship, he admitted he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. I felt extremely uncomfortable because this was a married man that was in his late 40s and had two children, his oldest being the exact same age as me. He also frequently said that he would never date or be romantically interested in anyone significantly younger than him because he thinks of his daughter and how he would feel if an older man preyed on her. When I expressed that I felt uncomfortable with his feelings, he told me that he couldn’t change them and that he “never would have done anything” regardless of whether he’d told me or not. I have the contact information for his daughter, but I’m not sure if I should saying in this instance either. He’s expressed that his daughter has had suspicions about him cheating, so I’m not sure if this would do anything beyond creating a messy situation, However, the guilt of knowing that he could do this to another young girl all while being married is weighing on me a lot.
AITA for wanting to tell his daughter?
NTA, but why tell his daughter? You should tell his wife, she’s the right address for this
That was my first thought, but I don’t have his wife’s info. The daughter would be the only person I could ask for it which would open up the conversation to her anyway
If you do talk to the Mrs, tell her how it made you feel. Lost trust in him.
I mailed letters to the Mrs of an asshole coworker. It helped for a while then he’d start up again. I had plenty of stamps!
NTA, but his wife needs to know this, not the daughter. Stay safe out there, OP.
Thank you 🫶
NTA – I was a chef for the better part of a decade and the absolute AUDACITY of male line cooks is disgusting. You should absolutely be calling them out, especially when theres typically young teens working FOH.
However, bringing his daughter into it isnt the play here. 1000% take it to his wife though. If hes hitting on you its almost a guarantee hes hit on other people much younger than him previously
It is disgusting, and I’m glad there are people out there that take action instead of being complicit. Thank you for the advice 🫶
NTA but do you know his full name? If so, you should be able to find his social media (and by extension, his wife’s). Telling his wife is the best course of action.
I don’t know his full legal name since he goes by a nickname and he doesn’t have social media. However, I’ve been trying to dig with the info I have and hope to be able to find something soon instead of taking it to the daughter 🤞
Dudes a creep, but you are an adult, nothing happened but admitting he had feelings for you. What are you going to tell his daughter? Your dad hit on me? Plus why would you tell his daughter and not his wife? Also when someone older acts like a “parent” and calls you and wants to come over, come on OP, were u really that naive? You really thought he was being nice bc u don’t have a lot of family? More often then not they are trying to get in your pants NTA but I wouldn’t get involved in telling his family, that shit could back fire, I would just block and move on
He never asked me to come over. He only texted me to check in on me and that was our only communication beyond us working together. We never had sexual or romantic conversations, so I was blindsided by the confession. I 100% admit that I was naïve, but we were never close enough for me to assume that he was trying to have sex with me.
Men do not need to be close to you to want to have sex with you. Men do not need to have any feelings at all for or about you to want to have sex with you.
Stay out of this. Who needs the drama?