So My (35m) wife (32f) thinks I’m the biggest asshole right now because she says I care more about a paycheck than I do her health. For a bit of background, we both have been fired in the past 6 months from jobs for taking too much sick time or (in my case) being injured (didnt happen at work for me but I did have to take time off). Now we have new jobs that pay decently but mine has been cutting my hours due to slow business and her job has warned her already about her calling off so much.
Lately she has been calling off almost every monday saying she’s sick or throwing up or something and she takes the day off. This week she admitted it was probably her just stressed about going back to work sunday into monday and so I have been more…sternly? insisting she needs to go to work so she doesn’t lose her job (she also has no reason to be stressed she literally has enough work to cover 3 hours a day at best and the rest of the time she’s just sat at her desk bored). Now I’m being told I’m the asshole because I only see her as a paycheck and a roof over my head for stressing how important it is that we don’t get fired because I’m not getting the hours to cover everything myself like when she lost her last job (she covered me when i was jobless too, it’s not one sided). MY side of it is we can’t afford to lose our jobs and we can’t afford health insurance from the jobs and as much as I’d love to just let her call out and feel better, we don’t have that option. She especially doesn’t have that option because the mortgage and bills are in her name so she has way more to lose.
Now I’m being told she feels like she can’t talk to me about her struggling mental and physical health because all I ever do is get mad about it. MY side of it is because we only ever talk about it when she wants to call off and then she gets mad I think it’s a bad idea. If she were to sit down any other time and just have a conversation and want to be heard and talk about it, I’m there. I just can’t keep supporting her calling off work and losing her job. Do I wish it were different? yes. Do I wish our country wasn’t in such a shit state that even finding a basic job is near impossible, let alone having health insurance? yes but that’s just not where we are.
AITA for trying to make sure we don’t lose our jobs even if we have to work feeling like trash? Am I a shit husband?
NTA – if you can regularly predict she’ll be “sick” every monday morning then she’s not sick, she just really doesn’t want to start the work week like you said she said.
exactly and if it was a horribly stressful job I might be a bit more understanding but most days she has about an hour’s worth of work and then she just spends the rest of the day telling me how bored she is. She HATES sitting there waiting for time to tick down and having fuck all to do, which I totally get but imo it could be worse ya know?
she’d actually rather be super busy at work than dead slow which I also agree with
NTA. She needs to suck it up and go to work. Excessive calling off for stupid reasons is hard on the company and her coworkers. She already knows this, having lost a job due to this behavior. Your wife just doesn’t want to work, and that is an AH mentality when blls are due. You’re not putting a paycheck over her health. You’re putting a paycheck over her drama and made-up sickness.
I wouldn’t say she doesn’t WANT to work ing eneral, just not this job where she has fuck all to do. She prefers to be kept busy at her jobs which I get but yeah you can’t keep calling off like that. Not to mention when she DOES call off they expect her to come in early/stay late the rest of the week to make up for it and then she’s just miserable about that
Be sure not to have kids until her health is better and your finances are stable. NTA, but maybe you’re not mad, just frustrated.
NTA needs to grow up. I too was born to the wrong family and sadly am not an heiress…so I take my ass to work. Not today though, I’m on vacation in NY 🤣
I’ve worked for employers who assumed you calling out on Monday for throwing up meant you were drinking to much over the weekend making them seem both unreliable and irresponsible if not a liability.
I don’t think you’re wrong for being concerned about not being able to meet your basic bills especially when this appears to be more of a case of the Sunday scaries than an actual health problem. If the job is stressing her that much she will probably need to start looking for other work.
NTA
Nta. The reality is that no one owes you/her anything. Rather amazing that she owns a house if she has inconsistent employment. Employers hire people to work, and if a (new) employee doesn’t seem willing/capable of doing so they will find a way to replace them with someone who will. If she finds work stressful she doesn’t want to try homelessness. I hope she feels better and is able to get help.
NTA. Unless she is actively seeking treatment for her mental health and learning coping mechanisms or getting medication for her anxiety, then she can’t keep using it as an excuse for not working.
NTA. She’s not 12 she needs to learn to step up and do what needs to be done. If she’s not contagious she needs to go. Not saying she doesn’t need more help but some people need a reality check that we do have bills to pay despite wealthy podcasters preaching to take care of ourselves first no matter what. Not reality.
NTA – life and work is stressful, you can’t keep calling off work and risk losing your job
NTA and neither is she. She needs to see a doctor. You need to see a lawyer. Even in the US the are federal protections for workers. You might be owed compensation.
NAH – but you have to get to the root of the problem.
Sit down BEFORE a Monday – like, a Saturday afternoon – and turn off the TV, put your phones down, and say something like, “let’s talk about work…it seems like you want to call out every Monday, and that worries me…what’s going on?”
Listen carefully to her response, and go from there.
No, you’re not TAH. Commitments have been made to you and other parties. If she goes down, she’s taking you with her. You absolutely have a say.
However, your wife is depressed and anxious. Just because you don’t get why, doesn’t mean she’s not actually feeling it. These issues need to be addressed for this behavior to change.