AITA for trying to talk to my son’s godmother about her being distant?

I (F, 30s) chose a close friend of more than 30 years and her husband to be my son’s godparents. At that time we were very close. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and organized my bachelorette party, so I really believed she would be an important and loving presence in my child’s life.

Right after my son’s baptism, she had a miscarriage. I tried to be very respectful and gave her space, thinking her distance was because of grief. However, during that same period, she stayed very close and present in the life of another baby she was also godmother to and to that family. With us, she slowly started to disappear.

That first Christmas, my son was about 1 and was calling for her and her husband. I sent her messages and videos trying to arrange a visit. She answered something like, “Oh he’s cute, but I have other gatherings and can’t meet.” On Christmas Day, I messaged her again, and she replied only the next day, very briefly, and didn’t even mention my son. I told myself it was still grief and let it go. But this didn’t stop. For months, she kept declining invitations and clearly prioritizing other people, while being very active socially (which was confusing because she said she was isolated due to the miscarriage). What hurt the most was that this all happened right after she accepted being my son’s godmother. It felt like my son lost his godparents almost immediately.

Months later, she said she wanted to see us and asked if she could come over after lunch. On that day, she only arrived late in the evening. By then, I was already very hurt and tired of waiting, and my mother and I made a couple of light “jokes,” like saying “he almost forgot who you were.” I know that wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t meant to be cruel.

After that, we kept growing apart and I tried not to think about her so much. Because of that, I ended up forgetting her birthday. When I realized it one week later, I felt bad, so I bought her very nice (and expensive) earrings and asked to meet. During that meeting, I found out she was pregnant, and she hadn’t told me. She even said she avoided meeting in the weeks before so I wouldn’t get suspicious.

At that moment, I felt that if I didn’t talk to her honestly, I wouldn’t be able to continue having a relationship with her or be part of her child’s life. So I tried to calmly explain how hurt I had been feeling.

She reacted very defensively and told me that if I felt that way, it was “my problem” and something I should deal with in therapy. She also said it was hard to meet because I wasn’t part of her social groups, which she used to explain why she constantly met the other goddaughter. This had never been an issue in our friendship before. She also said she would never accept “people making jabs at her” and wouldn’t be friends with someone like that (as if she was the best person on earth). The conversation ended with me apologizing, as if everything was completely my fault. Was it?