My husband (24) and I (22) are expecting our first baby soon. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant and our due date is February 4th. As we have started to prepare for our baby to get here, we have started setting some boundaries related to when we have our baby, especially as it is prime sick season. We plan to mainly stay inside and away from people. We plan to also limit how many people are visiting us as we don’t want our baby to catch anything and also because we don’t want to host a bunch of people, especially in a 1 bedroom apartment. Today my husband recieved a text from his mother, whom he has had a strained relationship with because of her decisions in the past and her continued mental issues. The text message she sent us started off with some questions about feeding the baby. Then she requested that my husband calls her when I go into labor and after the baby is delivered. Following this request she also asked if she could stay with us after we had the baby for 1-2+ weeks. My husband and I were shocked that she would request that and ask that as she hasn’t really been involved with our pregnancy so far. It’s also important to mention, she currently lives at his brother’s house 2 hours away from us. She doesn’t work, she just stays home all day and lives off him. She has also been known to jump around to other family members and live with them until they kick her out. I had my husband send a polite boundary setting message saying we will let her know when the baby is here and that we plan to just focus on it being us with our son when he is born. Is this rude of us?
Nta. Obviously.
NTA. Not rude at all. But be prepared for pushback, she sounds as though she won’t accept “no” easily. Make sure she doesn’t just show up uninvited as well.
NTA. You are totally justified in worrying about sickness and a newborn baby. I also wouldn’t want to risk her showing up and just never leaving. If she pushes back, remind her you don’t have the space and that no means no.
NTA you don’t have room and she’s got a history of mooching. Once she’s in you’ll have to kick her out and it’s not like you all have a great relationship to start with. You’ll be recovering from birth (bleeding, cramping), dealing with a screaming infant, trying to navigate sleep deprivation, and if you’re breastfeeding you’ll probably just be topless a lot. You don’t need her in your space for that.
NTAH
No more polite setting of boundaries. It’s time to lay down the law. He has to tell her in no uncertain terms that she cannot stay with you.
She can come visit, but you and your husband will dictate the parameters, including when and for how long and how she will interact with the baby.
I mean, how exactly did she think she was going to stay in your 1 br apartment, especially when there’s a newborn?
NTA – but I think you need to be more direct.
Drop the polite and just say NO
NTA. She could be an ordained Saint and it wouldn’t make any difference. If you, as the parents, want the alone time just the three of you as a family…it’s what you want. Do what’s best for you…ppl will feel some kind of way snd that’s their issue not yours.
NTA. Don’t do it! Red flags galore.
I promise if she shows up it will ruin this sacred time for you and your family. and she will NEVER leave. -signed a mom 32 weeks pregnant with my 2nd
She’s worn out her welcome at the brother’s house and is looking for a new place to provide her with free room and board. Just say “no” to this request. Once she makes it in your home, she will dig in and not leave voluntarily.
No, that wasn’t rude at all but it might not have been quite clear enough that the answer was no to staying with you for a while.
I probably would have said something along the lines of : “Thank you for your interest in the baby but our apartment is quite small and we do not feel that it is suitable for guests. Therefore we cannot invite you to stay with us. Since it will be prime flu season when the baby is born we plan to keep to ourselves with the baby until he/she is a little older and has built up more of an immune system. We will let you know when the baby is born and you can meet him/her.”
NTA at all. Do not start your new life a s a new mom with unwanted visitors. They will make your post p time very difficult and stressed, which affects your body (milk supply) and mental health. I really do not think a lot of MILs understand this time can make or break their relationship with their adult children. Not all MILs but yours already has shown shes not someone to depend on to clean, cook and offer kindly only but back off.
NTA do not let her move in despite BIL having a difficult time getting rid of her. A 1 bd apartment is too small for a family of 3 (mom, dad, baby), don’t compound it by moving in MIL
Good God, do not let her even visit, never mind stay with you! Protect your family and keep the boundaries up. She’s a leech