So Reddit, this situation just happened a few days ago. I (20F) found out I was pregnant 6 months ago, this baby was a total surprise but we are excited nonetheless to meet our baby girl due in April! I told my boyfriend and he was stoked to find out he and I are expecting, even call our little girl a “princess” and the cute little talks he makes to my belly saying “dad can’t wait to meet you”, he even bought her a coming home outfit and everything! My only problem, is that he’s a total gym bro and spend a ton of time at the gym. A few days ago I was feeling the morning sickness worse than normal, that night he wanted to leave for the gym, I begged him to stay with me and skip the gym for one day (I don’t ask him to skip the gym a ton if any at all by the way) he told me how “his health and hygiene were important”. He told me he’d make it up to me by getting me what I was craving that night and giving me foot and back massages when he gets back. I just feel like he’s a good guy, but that just set me off the way he disregarded my feelings when I don’t ever really ask him to skip the gym. We had an argument about it today and now I’m at my parents house for the time being, my parents were kinda disappointed when they found out I was pregnant but are now excited and waiting for their granddaughter they can spoil haha. He’s been calling me nonstop saying how he want to be there for me and our daughter and I am so upset right now and contemplating on what to do.
AITA for overreacting or being this upset?
YTA
Why can’t he spend an hour at the gym? He offered to grab you food and give you a massage when he gets back.
How specifically would him staying make you less nauseous?
Hows he going to react when baby comes and gym will be an occasional treat?
I think that’s what he’s worried about, I’m just worried I’m gonna be the one with the newborn taking care of her.
Its not that hard if you have grandparents and a good structure.
After the first shock of 2 months youll settle into a routine. An agreed one!
You take baby for walk, he gets 45 min gym then you get 45 min whatever.
When grandparents take baby then make a rule about is it time together without baby or time to do own thing.
But id make it clear right now that this “im just going to gym for a quick hour, can you do bedtime” aint gonna happen.
ESH
Yes you’re overreacting by fleeing to your parents house. You can’t run away every time you argue. Parenting a small child will cause lots of friction in your relationship and you need to figure out a better way to deal with conflict.
He needs to learn some compassion and radically alter his mindset if he isn’t willing to adapt his gym routine. Something tells me he expects to keep it up with a newborn and leave you with no breaks. The conversation about what happens to his gym routine when you have the baby needs to happen now.
NTA, because being sick definitely sucks. However, what would he be doing to help if he didn’t go? Rub your back, hold your hair….etc? It sounds like he’s very supportive otherwise and maybe should have time managed a bit better and gone to the gym later.
But you leaving was an overreaction. You are both young and this is a new responsibility for both of you. Sometimes men need their time as well.
This is coming from a 34F who is almost 9 weeks pregnant and have a very supportive partner that brings whatever I ask. But he also goes to the gym, even if I have some sickness bouts, because he needs a break sometimes too. I also hate throwing up and hate even more if people can hear me lol
NTA. I will say running back to the parents seems like an over reaction. That being said, your boyfriend is going to have to get used to not being able to attend the gym everyday. Irregardless of how much he wants or feels like he has to work out, when you have a newborn, those gym trips are gonna be cut down significantly. I would recommend trying to get a few at home stuff so he can still work out whilst being there, and I would have a conversation about when is and is not an appropriate time to leave.
The biggest question is how is going to be a active and involved father if he needs to go to the gym every day… like it’s not impossible but he would need to step up his game and if this is already an indication, I would expect that it’s going to be difficult to conciliate a regular gym routine with the care of a new born, specially if the care is not gone be 100% (or even 80-90) left to the mom
What exactly was he supposed to do? Stating home all day because she had morning sickness? If he was needed for anything, i would understand being today he leaves, but asking him to stay point to key her company doesn’t make sense. Leaving and going to get parents’ is an overreaction.
You’re not an asshole neither is he. you’ll just have to find a way to meet in the middle like if you have a backyard get gym equipment because he’s going to have to be home a lot when that baby comes or just make sure when he goes to the gym he’s on call so if you need him you can just call him and have him race down.
He says he’s open to that! Trust me he already loves her and wants to be there for us, it was just difficult for him to think of losing one of his favorite things to do.
No you’re not an asshole but yes might be overreacting a bit.
I’m pregnant right now too & luckily the sickness died off early in my pregnancy but when I was deathly sick I encouraged my husband to not break his gym routine by staying home with me. This is the time where he can go for hours on end because when the baby comes he won’t be able to go as much or for as long as he does now until we find our new routine with the baby being new priority. & We’re gonna be sick anyway ya know? Them staying home won’t make us feel any less sick. Just as long as he makes sure you have everything you need before leaving or brings you home what you need then that’s fine but if he’s leaving you high and dry to fend for yourself then that’s different. I hope your sickness ends soon girl! First trimester is ruthless. That sickness is unreal. But no you’re not an asshole. Don’t feel like that.
I think both of your expectations need to be managed here. I think you need to manage the expectation that he will be around at all times, but it looks like you’ve learned that. And he will need to manage his expectations for the gym when the baby comes
ESH- morning sickness isn’t really a two person thing, and I think, unless you were seriously ill, it’s trainable to ask him to pick you up things, do extra chores, etc, but not be by your side everyone you don’t feel great.
On the other hand, I think it’s probably time you two have a very real talk about what your future looks like because he needs to be present and involved, and it sounds like he’s expecting you to be the default parent. I think it’s a good game to talk about the logistics of how your lives will change when the baby comes, and how you both will work to make sure each of you have time for self care