I’m from an Indian family and we all live together, so adjusting and compromising is kind of expected. I’m genuinely confused if I’m being unreasonable here or if my boundaries are just not being respected.
Whenever I put music on the TV, my brother’s wife starts humming loudly along with it. I find it annoying because I can’t properly hear the song. I do understand that people enjoy music differently and humming might be her way of relaxing. Keeping that in mind, I once asked her very politely if she could please not hum while the song is playing.
I wasn’t rude or aggressive at all, but she immediately got defensive. Her reaction really hurt me and left me feeling frustrated and guilty.
The part that makes this harder is that whenever I put on a movie, she keeps talking and interrupting throughout. I like to actually watch the movie, but I tolerate it and don’t say anything because I don’t want to create issues at home.
Recently, she’s also started interrupting me when I’m doing somethingreading, cooking, or working. Even if I’m clearly busy, she continues talking. If I don’t respond or listen to her stories because I’m in the middle of something, she guilt-trips me and says I shouldn’t ignore her.
What hurts is that I don’t get the same understanding in return. I’m an introvert and she’s an extrovert, and our personalities just don’t match. Still, I constantly feel like I have to adjust because she came from another house after marriage and it’s expected that we should make things easy for her.
I’m honestly tired of feeling like I’m always the one who has to compromise, stay silent, and accommodate, while my comfort and boundaries are ignored. In an Indian household, is it wrong to expect basic consideration, or should I just keep adjusting to keep the peace?
NTA, these are reasonable boundaries. As you shared, you have different personality types, but it seems one isn’t being respected (yours).
Pick a calm time to speak with her and set expectations and keep reminding her. Unfortunately most of the time it will be a battle of you protecting your own peace rather than trying to change her, this is part of living in a joint-household.
NTA. Assuming you aren’t asking her to be quiet every single time she talks or hums. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy things without excess noise/commentary/conversation.
NTA. the guilt tripping is such a red flag tbh. u’re just asking for basic respect while u’re busy or watching tv. if she can’t handle a tiny request without getting defensive then she’s the one making it awkward not u.
When she interrupts your movie, can you back it up and tell her, I missed that because you were talking over it. When you keep doing this, she might get the point. Or not, because extroverts are just wired to engage. You may have to go away into your bedroom to watch on a tablet.
My husband will be bad about interrupting my shows from up
INFO: has anyone else in the family gently asked her to stop, or just you? Will it be worse for you and your family relationships to spend more time in your room/area and wear headphones around the house, or to more assertively enforce your boundaries and not bend over backwards to accommodate her communication preferences?
NAH just dogfering styles of communication. Can you watch/listen with earphones? Over the ear ones would signal clearly that you are otherwise engaged. I wouldn’t wear them all the time or she’ll just start expecting you to remove them to talk though. Also, explain that you want to be able to give her you’re full attention when she talks and you can’t do that when you are doing something else.
“dogfering” styles of communication might be a typo but it’s so cute. Like the extrovert person is a barker and the introvert a tail wagger.
LOL obv meant differing but absolutely leaving it now!
NTA – every time she interrupts, make a habit of pausing what you’re doing (whether it’s music, a film etc), rewind the part you missed and start over again. Assuming she’s not completely oblivious, she’ll start to get the message. I feel for you OP, this would drive me ballistic.
You need to ask this in an Indian subreddit because white people set “boundaries” a lot more intensely than POCs.