This was about a week ago and I am still thinking about it so that’s why I thought I would write here.
I (20F) am a university student, and joined a video games club at my university. This club has about 10 members and for the last year I spent my time with them. Because we play video games, sometimes people are mean to each other in the heat of the moment but they make up about five minutes later. I don’t really participate because I don’t like insulting people like that, so I usually disengage when emotions are high because, after all, these are video games and are meant for my relaxation.
We’ll call the captain of this club (25M) Wade. Wade loves to insult people’s intelligence during arguments. If someone says they like playing a certain archetype, Wade will make it a point to say "this archetype is terrible because \[pt1, pt2, pt3\]" and if the person says "Well yeah but they’re good at \[pt4, pt5\]", Wade will say "You have the comprehension of a kindergardener. We are not talking about that, we are talking \[pt1, pt2, pt3\]" even though the person didn’t even start with saying that.
However, if Wade says that they like playing a certain archetype, and we repeat the same points back, he will simply say "Well I like this character so your point means nothing, I get to play the characters I like so I win."
About a few months back I said that I liked playing a certain character and Wade once again makes his point saying that this character is bad because they’re terrible at a few things. Okay, true, they are, but I like this character so whatever, no point in arguing. Except a few days ago, one of Wade’s favorite characters turns out to also be of this archetype, and he starts glazing. Fully jokingly I say, "I remember when you were shittalking characters of this type, stay on that side!" Everyone was laughing, and then he went fully serious "Obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. This character can be a good character while being of this archetype while the archetype can still be bad."
Which, like, yeah? Obviously? Why are you being so mean all of a sudden? I had it with this guy and called him a narcissist to his face. He was shocked, asked me "Are you serious?" and I said, "Yes," and he said "Oh, so you are finally showing your true colors. You should learn how to talk to people, go on, tell me how I am a narcissist," so I told him literally word for word what he said and he told me I have no comprehension nor context clues and told me to get out.
Once I was quite literally kicked out of the club (whatever it’s a video game club) a couple of my friends in that club texted me saying that I was right, Wade is a narcissist, but that was it. No one followed me out, no one wanted to see if I was okay.
I’m not sure what I should do after this. AITA?
ESH. He’s an asshole, but that doesn’t mean he’s a narcissist. Don’t “diagnose” people unless you’re absolutely sure. Find another club where people get along with each other.
Looking back, I definitely didn’t use the word well at all. I used it because he called other people “narcissist” too and people in that club throw the term around, but I won’t ever use it going forward, and yes, I’ll find another club.
That guy is a child, good of you for standing up for yourself. People will slowly trickle out if he continues behaving that way. You will find other groups/ friends. Stick to your guns. Women constantly have to white knuckle BS like this. Let him apologize to you if he is going to be a prick. But do not apologize to him.
Without even reading the story, you are 99% likely YTA because you called them a narcissist.
The word narcissist is so overused and misapplied in our society now that the word has become essentially useless now.
You’re NTA; but expecting people to follow you or to check on you? You literally said about 3 times, “it’s just a video game.” Why would you need to be checked on?
Tbh I am not sure while reading the comments.
Well mild YTA, because name-calling doesn’t get you anywhere. However, I don’t see how you could get anywhere with Wade outside of staging a coup and ousting him as captain. His social skills are nil to negative. But as things stand, I think you should just move on and find another club. Or you could start a new club with the people who texted you.
When he starts his bullshit jut say “Ok Wade” and end it there don’t keep engaging. If he want’s to keep it going either tell him you don’t want to discuss this or go do something or engage with someone else.
Once everyone does it he’ll get the message.
There’s no point trying to get “gotcha’s” in with someone like this, you’re dealing with a toddler.
Best case scenario he’ll end up realizing hes an asshole, better case scenario is he’ll leave the club.
He’s not a narcisssit, he just have the confidence to say “I don’t care what y’all think” and stick to it while you say it but in back of your mind you wanted validation he was wrong.
NTA, this is nothing to kick someone out of a club, its laughable you felt someone should’ve followed you out.
He sounds like an immature asshole, not a narcissist. It’s shitty to apply mental health terms to people flippantly and even moreso when the behavior isn’t even consistent with the label at all. And using mental health diagnoses to describe general asshole behavior just furthers the overall misunderstanding of and stigma surrounding mental health. ESH.
He’s not a narcissist, he’s just a dick.
NTA at all. But all of the other people tolerate his behavior so you can’t expect them to stand up to him. Maybe you can just start planning gaming events yourself every once in awhile and invite a few people from the club you liked? Just be sure to say this isn’t a __club event so they shouldnt invite other people without running it by you first.
I’ve seen your comment where you say you’ve realised that “narcissist” wasn’t the right term, so I’ll move on from that.
Wade is a wanka, and you’ll meet few of them at Uni. They’re the people who you never want to play a game or go to a happy hour with. Wade is a colossal bore.
NTA, even for calling him a narcissist. Wade sounds like he gets off on living the stereotype of a snotty little prat who doesn’t know how to have fun without being an unfunny jerk. He’s where fun goes to die.
Find another club, that one has Wade’s skid marks all over it anyway.