Hi again reddit. I posted about 2 years ago, and wanted to update you all. Link can be found here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/FwgoWO6dCE
Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. The kindness and view points from strangers on the internet helped me more than I ever expected.
After I stopped helping out with the house, I reached out to my university’s student support services for advice. They helped me get a part-time job at the student help desk, which gave me a bit of financial breathing room. Around the same time, I broke up with my boyfriend.
Meanwhile, my older brothers (now 25 & 24) continued to do nothing to help. I went back to driving my younger siblings (now 17F & 14M) to school, not because I gave in, but because I genuinely care about their futures.
The breaking point came when my mom tried to get my aunt (her younger sister) involved by painting me as a disrespectful daughter. I didn’t know how my aunt would react since they’ve always been close but, I ended up telling my aunt the truth. To my surprise, she was horrified. She opened up about how she and my mom were treated pretty much the same way by my grandparents and when they moved to Australia together they talked about not raising their kids that way. My aunt offered to take me and my two younger siblings in as she has no kids. Now I live with my aunt. It’s an hour drive to uni, but the peace is worth it.
One of the best things I’ve done for myself is start therapy. It’s expensive, so I can only afford a session once a month, but it’s already doing wonders.
As for my little siblings, they’re doing better. They keep their rooms tidy, they help with cooking, and they’re both incredibly respectful to our aunt. My brother isn’t relying on my sister anymore, and my sister is finally starting to stand up for herself. I’ve been reminding her not to let anyone, especially our mom push her around the way I was. My siblings moved schools to one that’s within walking distance and they haven’t missed any days.
Recently, my brother (then 17, now 19) reached out to me and apologised for everything. He said he knew it was wrong how I was being treated but at the time it didn’t affect him so he didn’t think about it too much. We had a proper conversation over the phone and things seem to be okay between us. He told me he was planning on moving out to live with a friend since our mother had started lashing out at him and forcing him to do the house chores I used to do.
As for me, I graduated uni. My aunt and younger siblings came to my ceremony. I didn’t brother messaging my mom to let her know. I’ve already been accepted into a graduate RN program at the hospital where I did my last placement. I’m super excited to start and finally get my life on track. For once, I feel like my life is actually moving in a direction I chose.
Glad things worked out so well for you and your siblings.
Great update, glad you and your siblings are doing better!
Congratulations! You took a bad situation, refused to let it diminish your life and your potential, and now you have a present and future that are worthy of you. You are awesome!
I’m so glad you took charge of your life, things are looking up!
i’m so happy for you and your younger siblings. thank you for sharing this update with us. i wish you peace and happiness.
Onward and upward!
That’s wonderful! I’m so glad you spoke to your aunt and she stepped in to help. Congrats on entering the RN program!
I know you’ve graduated now, but universities where I live (USA) often offer therapy. I was able to do both group and individual therapy at my university. Check with the RN program to see if anything similar is offered. Things may be different on the opposite side of the world, but they may have reduced fees or some other savings program. It doesn’t hurt to check!
Awesome update!
I made it out myself from a similar situation. I didn’t have family but i was able to rent a room for a cheap price.
To others who are in situations like this. That age between 17-24 is super hard to be independent without ANY family support.
There are more resources then you realize. You need to ask. Speak out. Share. In the US there is always a non emergency police line that can advise. Human resources. Churches and college.
I know now the level of abuse I lived in, i should have asked for help sooner. But that’s part of the cycle. You are treated and gaslighting until it just feels like home.
Break the cycle.
Congratulations on all your successes!
You’re a role model and a hero!
🎉💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉
I’m so happy for you!
It’s kind of interesting. Because when people grow up in a traumatic situation, they tend to either emulate as they get older or go in the exact opposite direction. It’s sad that your mom wasn’t able to break that cycle, but I’m very glad that your aunt provided you and your siblings with a safe place to grow up.
I did notice that your brother only apologized after he was treated as you were, despite admitting he knew how bad it was before. A verbal apology is not enough in my opinion. He needs to show you that he’s sorry, do something genuinely nice for you.
> I did notice that your brother only apologized ***after*** he was treated as you were, despite admitting he knew how bad it was before. A verbal apology is not enough in my opinion. He needs to show you that he’s sorry, do something genuinely nice for you.
I clocked that as well. Hopefully, he more than makes up for it, and doesn’t treat any partners like that in the future.
Teens are often blinded by their own self interests, it’s not surprising he had to grow (an be imposed upon), before he finally “got it.”
Maybe it means he won’t perpetuate the gender stereotypes and will grow up to be a better partner.
Teenagers are often mostly worried about themselves. He isn’t asking her for money or to move in and have her take care of him, instead he let her know he is moving somewhere else and that he was able to understand how she was treated. He could have been further radicalized and believe OP was the one in the wrong for leaving. All the evidence points to him being sincere.
You, your aunt, and your younger siblings are awesome! Even your brother (19M) seems like he is growing. Fantastic! I am so happy for you all!!!