Hi everyone, I need some outside perspective because I’m feeling really conflicted.
My boyfriend and I live together in Belfast in a 2-bedroom apartment. We both work (sometimes from home) and are trying to focus on our careers, health, and keeping a stable routine.
A close friend from school currently lives in London and will be leaving the UK permanently in a few months. She asked if she could come stay with us for 3 weeks. She said she wouldn’t pay rent but would cook and buy groceries.
The issue is that last time she visited, it was only for 3 days, and another friend was also staying with us. Even then, my boyfriend and I ended up paying more for drinks, groceries, electricity, and our routine was disturbed. My boyfriend even had to take an important client meeting from the bedroom because the living room was occupied.
This time, it would just be her, but 3 weeks feels like a lot. Even if she buys groceries, I know there will still be extra costs and adjustments. Our home is also our workspace, and we really value our routine and privacy.
I did tell her we’re on a tight budget and don’t want to spend more. She said, “I won’t let you spend more, I’ll just silently stay at your house,” and also said it would be fun, like living together as friends. She’s a good friend, and I don’t think she has bad intentions but I still feel uncomfortable.
Part of me feels guilty because she’s leaving the UK soon, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Another part of me feels like my boyfriend and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice our routine or take on extra expenses just because we earn decently.
Now I’m wondering if I’m overthinking or being selfish.
AITA for not wanting her to stay for 3 weeks without paying rent, even though she’s a close friend?
NTA. 3 weeks is a big ask. It seems like you tried to tell her no without saying no, but she either didn’t get the hint or chose to ignore it.
Best for OP to say No.
It’s too much of a disturbance.
NTA, but I do think that you’re not standing up for yourself properly. You don’t need to make excuses like budget and expenses and routines. Just be honest – tell your friend that you and your boyfriend discussed it and your current lifestyle and working arrangements wont accommodate guests.
YTA. Either tell your friend you aren’t up for guests or let her stay rent free. She’s your friend and offered to cover groceries and cook—that should be enough. Sounds like you just really don’t want her to stay with you. Tell her sooner rather than later.
NTA but not for the reasons you’ve outlined. I think asking to stay with someone for 3 weeks isn’t a great move if you’re not extremely close to each other! Also why is she moving from London to Belfast before moving out of the UK? Why not stay with family?
NTA but just say no. You work from home, you don’t have the space, and it would make your lives uncomfortable. Don’t tip toe around the subject, be direct, firm and polite.
3 weeks is definitely a lot without any compensation. Your utility usage will increase by 50% by adding a third person in the mix. It would be reasonable to say “no” even without this justification. It’s your home. NTA
How did you pay more for wifi by having someone stay with you? It made sense until that.
Probably going to say NAH. Three weeks is a long time to have someone stay with you, but it’s also not an unreasonable favor to ask. She’s not doing nothing – she’s offering to provide meals for you in exchange for a place to stay.
You’re entitled to say no, but she’s entitled to be a little irked. Don’t expect any favors from her in the future.
NTA. 3 weeks is a long time. It’s ok to want your space and privacy. She can get an Airbnb
She framed the question and you seem to have accepted that framework. Don’t. Tell her what the rent, groceries and utilities will cost her to stay for three weeks if she shares the kitchen/cooking. Do offer her the option of NOT sharing the kitchen/cooking (and fending for herself). Leave it up to her to accept or refuse THAT offer based on YOUR framework for YOUR space.
I would say no, but not even brining up finances – I would say no because you two work from home, and the last time you had guests it was too difficult, and neither of you is comfortable having your work interrupted for 3 weeks.
Staying for a few days is one thing, but 3 weeks is too disruptive. Your friend can get a hotel or AirBNB type place.
NTA for maybe not feeling comfortable about your living space and wanting to just be you and boyfriend.
YTA for making it about money. If this friend is true about paying for groceries and doing the cooking that would out weigh any money costs in my opinion even if the bills went up slightly for the months. Especially is you call this person a “close friend”
This is the way. Paying rent will not solve the underlying problem of disrupting the routine and making OP unconfortable. It looks like it’s just an excuse to avoid having the “I wouldn’t feel confortable with you here”
No. I wouldn’t host anyone for 3 weeks. It’s a massive imposition. Just say no.