AITA for wanting my nieces and nephews at my wedding? I (22F) am getting married to my fiancé (25M) on Wednesday. We wanted to plan a large wedding but we had something happen that’s caused the wedding to be rushed. We could only plan a week out due to people’s work schedules.
We will be getting married in a small park in the town that both we and my family lives in.
I called and asked my SIL if I could pull the children out of school one hour early so they can attend. The children are 9F, 7M, and 5F. My fiancé and I already promised them they could be part of our wedding. Especially the eldest as she was there when we got engaged and knew about it before me. The children’s mother told me that she “isn’t comfortable allowing us to take them out of school an hour early”. I think I should mention that I watch these children multiple days out of the week, clean their home, and have done numerous other things to benefit the children and their parents. I even moved onto the same street to be close by.
After that response from their mother I hung up and her messaged the kids father separately. I told her that I try not to judge parenting decisions but this one was hurtful. I then messaged and informed him. He blew up on me for judging his wife’s parenting decisions. Told me I wasn’t entitled to the kids attendance and that the world doesn’t revolve around me. Even though I act like it does. I just wanted to include them in a once in a lifetime event that I had promised to them I would. So am I the asshole for wanting my nieces and nephew at my wedding?
Edit: I didn’t ask their dad for permission, I informed him of what was said to me. This is my family, not my fiancés and he’s not part of any of this drama. I cannot move the ceremony since it’s appointment based. This is the latest time I could get. This is the only day we could get without waiting over a month. Which isn’t an option.
Edit: I talked to my fiancé and he’s fine with me saying why we need to move it. He’s disabled and going to lost health insurance. Therefore lost access to life saving medication. If we get married he can have health insurance again. We can’t get state insurance nor afford to pay for separate health insurance.
You weren’t the AH for asking. You were an AH for backchanneling to your sister’s husband when she said no. YTA
ESH
She can let the kids miss an hour of school for this.
But you can’t plan a wedding **with one week’s notice** and expect people to just drop everything for it. And *then* you go and ask again after being told no!
YTA for not taking no for an answer.
YTA for not taking no for an answer and running to their dad with hopes you’d get the response you wanted from him, the way you went about this was dreadful and it sounds like there’s some truth in what their dad says about you.
You weren’t the asshole for asking, but you certainly are now.
You “don’t judge parenting decisions” but then you go ob judging parenting decisions.
Seems like you are the AH
You’re getting married on a Wednesday afternoon with one week’s notice…
I mean, on the surface asking the kids to leave school an hour early isn’t a huge deal but it’s a little wild you expect people to accommodate such an odd schedule with so little notice.
You’re not an asshole for wanting them to attend or asking their mother. But you went into asshole territory when you decided to go text the kid’s father because you didn’t like the mother’s answer.
YTA for not respecting your SIL’s parenting decisions. If you wanted those kids to attend, you would have made sure they were available.
YTA if you want them there, move the ceremony 1 hour later so they don’t have to miss school.
YTA. You “asked” and she “answered”. She’s the parent and you are acting entitled. Good for her husband for blowing up on you too, because what you did was disrespectful. What exactly did you think was gonna happen? That he was gonna side with you and turn on his wife? LOL
If their presence was so important to you, why not schedule it for a time they would have been available? Like an hour later?
Depending on where you live, losing an hour of school can have a big impact. Even for the younger grades, testing is coming up.
You have the right to want them there, and you were alright asking, and it’s even justifiable that you are disappointed, but your behavior and actions after the no were problematic.
You didn’t get your way so you tried to tattle to her husband?
YTA
Sometimes when you plan something so last minute, not everyone can make it.
This reads as though you think the parents owe you this. They don’t. It is your decision to watch the kids. It is your decision to accept what they can pay. It was your decision to move closer to them. All of those are your responsibility, not theirs. They have, according to you, repeatedly expressed their gratitude. I hope you’re not prone to tallying up a relationship ledger sheet, generally. Then, you attempted a frequent child’s maneuver when one parent says no to turn to the other parent hoping for a different answer. Yes, you’re young. I hope that these moments are maturing for you.
YTA.
1. Your wedding is too last minute. If having certain people there is important, postpone it so that they can receive proper invitations with ample notice.
2. You shouldn’t have promised the kids they would be at your wedding when clearly your wedding hadn’t been planned yet and their parents hadn’t been consulted.
3. You clearly feel like you’ve sacrificed a lot to be “their village” and it isn’t being reciprocated. It’s fine to take this information and make different decisions in the future, but it’s not fine to act like you’ve been taken advantage of for years just because you were told “no” one time.
This is what happens when you get married on a WEDNESDAY with one week notice. Not everyone can drop everything at a moment’s notice.
Edit: YTA.