This one is really minor but I feel weird about it. A coworker has been getting on my nerves this week for coming to me often with minor problems and interrupting my work (I won’t disclose what we do but our work is very active and interruptions are frowned upon). Today she pulled me aside, conveyed some work stuff to me and then said “I’ve been interrupting you a lot this week with problems, you must think I’m really annoying” in a jokey way. I just flatly said “yeah”. She did not look happy about that reply. We parted ways without any sort of outward issue but I could tell I ruffled her feathers a bit.
I understand that she was fishing for the stock answer of “oh no no no, it’s not a problem at all and I’m always happy to help!” and on a different day I might have had the energy to make that performance but today I just didn’t. I feel like this coworker was fishing for some reassurance and was surprised to not get it. That said, I also feel like by agreeing with her, I may as well have just insulted her like that myself. Am I the Asshole?
nta its not that deep. work is work
NTA, you wanted her to stop bothering you, you may have achieved that finally. Sometime honesty is the best way.
Eeesh… I geddit, but that was cold. I understand the need to reduce interruptions, but that is one colleague who will probably never come to you again for assistance. I don’t have moral high ground here… I have also become annoyed at being bombarded when trying to get shit done, but we need people who depend on us to understand we do want to impart knowledge and help them, in hopes that they will learn, get better and do the job. I have not voted. Just a throwaway statement.
She asked, you answered. Maybe she’ll be less annoying in future.
You did nothing wrong. She set herself up for it.
NTA
INFO:
Is she relatively new and if so who is assigned to train her? Is it you? If she isnt new and should know this info by now then NTA.
I am in my first year in this profession. She has been doing this for I wanna say 12 years. I’m not professionally tied to her in any sort of mentorship role in either direction.
NTA…
Manipulation much… poor girl, had to admit her failings and no platitudes …
She doesn’t want the answer, either don’t ask or stop the obnoxious behavior
You can express that you’re annoyed by her behaviour without being cold. “Yeah, actually no offense there have been a lot of questions today/this week would you mind giving me a break so I can focus on my work for a bit? Thanks!”
Yep she was probably fishing for a “it’s ok don’t worry” which you don’t have to give, but you can also just communicate clearly and respectfully which helps maintain workplace relationships.
I proclaim that this situation calls for the JAH (justified asshole) option! 📢📢📢🥁🥁🥁🏆
There was a middle ground. Maybe “actually I *was* thinking we should cut back because it’s been interrupting work”
Yes, YTA, but only because *how* you said it (and it being a coworker), not that you communicated that she was being disruptive. I think your co-worker should not have done the “you must think i’m annoying” thing without really meaningfully confronting that on her part. You could have responded with something like “hey, yeah, I meant to chat with you about that as we head into the next week,” and then take it from there. You also mentioned that you had lower energy so you weren’t feeling your best/this was an abnormality for you, so I’d ask you if you’d be okay with that being your normal baseline interactions for all coworkers?
Let me put it to you this way. There are a number of times when I have trained a new person just to find I’m assigned to a project they are in charge of in the future or even more impactful: they are either the hiring manager or part of a hiring panel that I am interviewing with for a desired position. Bottom line is you never want to burn a bridge just because you’re having a bad day.
In my role, I am often by default, the “go to” person for information and how to do things. It can get exhausting and sometimes stressful when you have your own deliverables to get done in a day when you have constant interruptions. However, it’s not just being a good citizen, but it’s actually in your good interest to not be snippy when responding to somebody. Being professional often means putting forward your professional face, which isn’t the same face that you would put to a friend or your family in terms of being 100% honest about your personal feelings.
How I would have handled it: I would have acknowledged that I understand that it’s hard when you are learning a new position. That I’m happy to help but just for their information, I have XYZ going on and need to finish by the end of the day/week/ etc. Perhaps let’s coordinate a daily check-in where I can answer your list of routine questions that you compiled from the previous day, and just address one-off questions for things that are really urgent.
This is actually what I do for myself when I am learning so that I don’t constantly bug people all day. But it’s also a reasonable way to set boundaries professionally as well as let them know that you are not blowing them off but just have your own obligations as well.
I think you are on point here however you are making an assumption about our difference in experience that is the opposite of what’s happening. I am in my first year in this profession. Coworker has been doing this for over 10 years. I’m the new guy trying to learn, not her. I think that is part of my frustration and maybe I should have expressed that in the original post.