So basically, I(14F) have been pretty upset lately. My grandmother (from my dads side) is coming over from overseas on the 20th of January for 4 whole months, and she will be taking my room. My mom told me this around late December, and I have always been expressing my dislike for it, because my room is my safe space and my mom knows that.
During my grandmothers stay, I will be sleeping in my parents room and my mom has already set up a bed for me (she even made me help with setting the bed up in her bedroom). Not only that but for the past few months I have asked for a new mattress as our cat peed on mine, staining it, and all my mom has done was pull out the stench remover and the mediocre stain remover and basically told me to just deal with it, not only that but my mattress is very old, and isn’t comfy to sleep in at all, I always wake up with a stressed back and my neck always kills me. Today, my mom ordered a brand new mattress for my room. Not for me, but for my grandma. I found it ridiculous that she’s willing to buy a new mattress for my room that I won’t even be able to use for 4 months because my grandma would be using it.
I have never met my grandma from my dads side. Neither have my sisters (I have two, one younger, whos 5 and one older whos 18). None of us are close to this woman, and I hate to admit it but I don’t really care for her (SIMPLY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HER), if this was say, my grandma from my mom’s side, who I grew up with, I wouldnt mind as much, because its someone that I’m familiar with (I’d still be annoyed because I love my room, but less then if a complete stranger occupied if)
The reason why I wouldnt like to sleep in my parents room is because of my dad, he snores like a vacuum and I am a light sleeper, apart from that, I’m not too close with my dad either, I don’t like him a lot for my own reasons (he has cheated on my mom since before I was born and constantly gambles our funds away that are meant for the bills and stuff, just generally asshole stuff).
I’ve tried negotiating with my mom, but she’s always just talked about how my grandmother needs her privacy, and I understand, but also, don’t I also need my own privacy? It just feels like she doesn’t care about my point of view and complaints.
I’m also a pretty sensitive person. I cry a lot and now that my grandmother is taking my room, I can’t even cry in a private room for 4 months (all the bedrooms have locks, but for whatever reason our bathrooms don’t)
I understand if I AM the asshole in this scenario, because where else will my grandmother sleep? I just want to know if I really am and if my frustrations are justified.
Edit: Hi, everyone, I just wanted to clear up some stuff about my older sister. I figure that the reason my mom just let’s her do what she wants comes down to the fact that she helps out with the bills, which I understand well. My sister does not help out all the time, and she doesnt really do it on her own will. She’s already told me about this but both of our parents have access to her bank account and take money from it when needed if they don’t have enough for our housing, and they don’t ever even ask her, just take the money, and wait until she does find out and asks them about it to tell her "yeah, I took some for the bills".
If your wondering how any of that correlates, what I’m basically trying to say is, because my sister has provided help via the bills, my parents are just gonna let her set her foot down on the room situation, and no one else but her will be sleeping in her own room because she said so.
I have also decided to just suck it up and sleep on the couch, because I really don’t like my dad. I’m sorry its petty.
>Neither have my sisters (I have two, one younger, whos 5 and one older whos 18).
INFO: do your sisters have their own rooms? Because it makes more sense for a 5yo to share with their parents than a 14yo.
Can you share with either of your sisters if your father snores?
INFO
Why sleep with your parents and not one of your sisters?
NTA but it is very complicated and I wouldn’t necessarily say your mom is TA either. Unfortunately, I don’t think your mom is going to understand your side of the situation – she respects her elders and has perhaps forgotten what it feels like to be 14. Your feelings matter but sometimes adults forget that in the hustle and bustle of life.
Go ahead and get some earplugs for sleeping. Is there a couch you can sleep on somewhere? Can you stay with a friend some days? Does the library or school have a study room where you can have some quiet time to yourself?
Don’t feel like you are alone during this time, but you may need to think creatively to get the space you want
You are very much NTA. Taking your room for four months without being given anywhere to go except your parents’ room is deeply inconsiderate and disrespectful. I wonder why you can’t at least room with one of your sisters or they can’t room together — it’s much easier to share a space with a sibling than parents, especially given your dad’s snoring and your tricky relationship.
I’m also mad on your behalf about the mattress. I understand the timing because your house probably needs an extra mattress for a few months and then your old one can get thrown away. But the fact that your family had the money to buy a new mattress but let you suffer on a broken, stinky one makes me mad. I’d never do that to my kids. You sound pretty patient. All the best to you.
Wait you have two sisters, how are their sleeping situations? Can you maybe share a room with 18yo and 5yo sleeps with your parents? For a younger child it’s often no problem, they don’t need as much privacy and alone time as a teenager and you would be still sharing a room but not with your father. Could it be this easy?
Going by your added comments, your 18 year old sister has her own room but has demanded to keep it that way, and your parents are obeying her command. Your 5 year old sister already sleeps in your parents’ room.
This is crazy. 4 people are to sleep in one room so your sister can keep her room to herself?
Your parents need to tell the 18 year old that she is sharing her room with you for the next 4 months. End of story.
You’re NTA.