My (F22) friends(22F, 22F) and I have been friends for 4-6 years and have had a great time at concerts.
They only work part time while I work full time. We’ve been preparing for this concert since October. I’ve told them that I would be moving to a hotel because our apartments would be renovated and lo behold we were at the hotel until January.
I’m the only one who knows how to drive and I’ve noticed a pattern of them not helping with gas or if they want to go to a store helping with the parking cost. Last time I paid all most $900 and it took them all most a month to pay me back for the hotel. Since I’m the only one who’s drives I’m always tired when we get to the hotel (OR to Seattle and more driving if they want to go somewhere)
In January we moved back to my apartments and I’ve let them know that I had to pay for groceries and such since moving back which only made me have the perfect amount for 2 night stay at the hotel.
Last night we texted and they did not have enough for the split of the hotel nor enough for food. (less than $150) I don’t know why it irritated me so much. So I’ve been telling them excuses like I got an overdraft or something came up just to see what they would do.
AITA?
You trained them to use you , if you want to stop that behavior you gotten stop letting them do it.
NTA , if anything they should pay all the gas and parking since its your car and you driving you are already putting in your time and wear and tear on your vehicle.
Find some better friends , or since your all relatively young , take one chance and sit them down and make the read this once it has replies because people are going to tell you you are not in the wrong.
If they cannot see they are wrong or try to blame you then they are consciously choosing to use you and that is your answer.
ESH. Your friends should be paying their share of expenses. You need to stop subsidizing them. If they can’t afford to go to a concert, they will have to miss it and save up so they can go to the next one.
But your having to stay at a hotel is nothing to do with them. It sounds like you are trying to be passive aggressive instead of just telling them upfront that you need them to pay their share in advance.
If a person cannot afford to do something, they should not. If someone chooses to pay for friends because they can afford it and CHOOSE to pay for an event, that is acceptable.
If you do not want to pay (and you should not be required) you need to tell them up front “Hey want to do x. If you want to go too, you need to pay x amount”
If they want to go shopping etc, they should pitch in or pay for gas and parking.
NTA to want them to pay, but you need to tell them.
NTA
These people are taking advantage of you. You seem to have wised up to that now.
Telling them you can’t afford to subsidise them is a good idea. It will flush out their motives.
One of two things is going to happen now.
Either they will suggest cheaper (or even free) things to do together. In which case, these are friendships worth saving.
Or they will stop wanting to hang out with you, now that you are not paying for them. In which case, they are AHs that you are better off without.
Time to find out.
Get the money BEFORE or the event doesn’t happen. Like a pimp.
ETA because they’re treating you badly, but you’ve been letting them for a long time, and now you want to lie to them instead of holding your ground or even have a real discussion about how you can’t afford and shouldn’t have to carry them. You all suck.
Stop allowing people who blatantly disrespect and take advantage of you. They are not your friends, they are using you.
NTA. Not saying they aren’t friends – you can be more than one thing at the same time – but they’re essentially moochers at this point. Try a little experiment. Don’t agree to drive them anywhere and insist on a fair split of the bills. If they’re friends, then they’ll adapt and start carrying their weight. If not, well, you need actual friends.
NTA. Tell them whatever you want to indicate you don’t have the money to cover them. You might want to cme right out and directly ask them, “I do not have any money to cover your portions of the gas, hotel, food and parking. Do you want to cancel your plans now? I will have to go without you, which is a shame, but I understand if you are too broke. I just can’t cover your portions at all. Also, I will need the money for the hotel, gas and food up front because I’m financially strapped this month.” Be prepared for some begging, but hold firm. Also plan on going by yourself. And plan on them being very, very pissed at you. But you will absolutely NBTA. If their friendship depends on you covering their expenses, then they aren’t really friends. Don’t be afraid to tell them this.
NTA but you will be if you continue to let these people take advantage of you, stop paying for everything. True friends don’t expect you to pay for everything.
I really don’t understand the post.
Why are OPs friends staying at a hotel with her if it’s just her apartment that’s being renovated? Or are her friends her roommates too?
It’s not very clear what’s actually going on but NTA.
I agree. The post does not make any sense. Whose apartments were being renovated? What event was planned? I’m not sure there is a conflict here, just confusion…
YTA – to yourself.
These leeches are USING YOU – and you allow it.
It’s a very simple solution. You tell them – “The cost of (event you have planned) is XX.XX for each of you. I need you to send me this in advance.” Full stop, no excuses no waffling. No money, no one goes. Include ALL the expenses – tickets, hotel, gas and food. Add in wear and tear on your car if you need to.
You will likely get the accusations of being “money hungry” and “a friend would cover me” excuses almost immediately, confirming they are not your friends and only see you as a piggy bank to exploit.
Find better friends or go out and buy a spine – no one can repeatedly take advantage of you without your permission.
Do these people live with you? I don’t get the confluence of hotels because of apartment renovations and concerts and you driving them to the store…..what was the $900 for?
The bottom line is stop fronting these women money. Every single thing they pay you up front. If they can’t then they are not staying in the hotel or going to the concert or staying at your apartment or eating food you bought.
You don’t have to lie to them. They are using you it’s pretty clear.