I 19f am home from uni for Christmas still and have a brother 16m
There’s a girl he’s friends with and likes and she’s over sometimes, usually in a group but sometimes just her and they hang out. Today me and my brother are talking as he’s about to walk into his room and I see her hoodie on his bed (she’s not over) I ask why it’s there and he said she left it here yesterday by accident but he’s giving it back to her on Monday at school.
I ask why it’s on his bed though, he said he doesn’t know. I say no he does know (raise my voice a little, not shouting but firm) and I’m going to give him another chance to explain before I phone her because I have her snap. He starts panicking and stuttering and says he didn’t do anything and that I’m being weird and starts swearing at me. I say again you’re going to tell me or I’m going to call her and he said and say what and I said let her know somethings going on. He then said he smelled it but that was it and he seemed all embarrassed.
He then got defensive and said why am I doing this and asking what was wrong with me. But I’ve heard too many creepy stories with guys doing stuff and thought even though I wouldn’t assume it of him I should I check. He went to go back to his room and I told him to wait and started to explain to him why even “just”
That is very wrong and he had another go at me and seemed to be getting kinda upset.
Our mum heard us and came over and asked what was going on. I explained the situation and instead of taking over teaching him she started having a REALLY big go at me. Saying I was overstepping, this isn’t my place and also I’m just being a bully and it’s harmless and “they like each other so what” but I’m confused by that because from my understanding he likes her but hasn’t approached her about it or anything yet. It’s not like they’re in a relationship.
I try to explain why this was necessary, I’m literally doing a degree in social work and had a whole module on child behaviours and you’re advised in a setting if you see anything suspicious you NEED to investigate no matter how small.
And if a child is doing something that seems wrong but small you need to apply whether it’s actually one off normal mistakes or something that could continue and grow into more serious behaviours (like crossing boundaries of what’s decent). If it is then you make sure they understand in the moment as soon as possible how wrong it is because once that grows more serious it’s harder to get them to stop. (Poor explanation but this isn’t an essay you get the idea)
Our mum told me to stop, said I’m not his parent and this isn’t that serious and it seems I just wanted to discipline someone and that’s concerning. Which tbh I’m getting the feeling she felt an insecurity I was doing a good job at something that’s her job.
YTA. You’re not your brother’s mother and your interest in his possibly blossoming sex life is none of your business. It’s also, quite frankly, super creepy. Leave your brother alone.
YTA because what the fuck. Your mom is right. Youre not his parent, idk why you feel the need to police what he does in HIS relationship. I’m also confused… you got mad because he had her hoodie sitting on his bed? Are you okay like genuinely
YTA, massively. All he did was smell her hoodie it does not mean he’s going to turn into a creep. He has a crush, whoopdie doo . Acting like he’s a creep is not only really unfair but is probably gonna make him unable to trust you with anything. This could have been a cuter and sweeter conversation of teaching him boundaries and acknowledging his crush but instead you scolded him and assumed he’s creepy?
Doing a degree in social work doesn’t mean you know how to parent a teenager, especially when you are one. You aren’t doing a better job at being a parent than your mom. What you are doing is being a bully. YTA
YTA, wanting to have something that smells like the person you like or are dating/wanting to date is not super creepy it is cute. Just because you are doing a social care module on children and behaviour does not give you the right to psychoanalyse your brother or anyone else for that matter. Maybe psychoanalyse yourself and stop being a weirdo.
You seem arrogant and creepy. Leave your brother alone and yeah YTA.
YTA, that’s harmless and normal, it’s wild you started interrogating him just because it was in his bed. A normal person would think nothing of it, or they would assume it was in the chair before and he wanted to sit in the chair so he moved it or something similarly harmless. You treated your brother like a predator for no reason.
Why did OP jump straight to some gross fetish thing at the sight of a friends hoodie in her brothers room? OP is def the AH. OP needs to learn not to bring what you are learning in school home with you and apply it to your family and friends. OP is not in a clinical or professional setting (OP doesn’t even have a degree yet..) and OP is not in a scenario where mandatory reporting is required. OP is not a social worker. OP should mind their own business and leave her brother alone.
YTA
Your behavior is unhinged, this was NONE of your business. If he has any sense, he will go no contact with you AH the moment he can.
YTA. There is nothing creepy about it being on his bed. Teenage boys are known for being messy and disorganized. Maybe he put it on his bed so he wouldn’t forget to give it to her. Insinuating that he did something else with it is absolutely ridiculous. And threatening to tell her? Do you actually want to ruin his life? Get off your high horse and stop creating your own narratives and accusing other people of things because you have your own insecurities.
YTA – you somehow connected a hoodie laying on your brothers bed to him being some monster? What is actually wrong with you. Please do not finish this degree in social work because you’re likely to blow everything out of proportion and accuse innocent people of malicious things if this is how you treat your brother.
YTA. I’m a social worker and we are taught NOT to grill our clients. it’s part of our ethical code to respect an individuals agency, even if we disagree on a moral level. Unless he was wearing that hoodie around yelling about how he’s going to harm himself or someone else, that conversation should have never happened.
You painted your brother to be a predator and disrespected our greatest oath to do no harm.
YTA Seriously, OP, you are NOT a social worker/psychologist/counselor here. You are a teen-aged older sister. Why are you getting involved in your brother’s life on something this trivial? Respect your brother’s privacy and your mother’s direction on this. Get a life.
“I’m literally doing a degree in social work and had a whole module on child behaviours ” Gee, a whole module? You must be an expert, then! Back off, you are not his parent, you are not a mandated reporter, you don’t even live with your brother and therefore know nothing about his personal life, and it’s none of your business anyway.
The only one acting creepy here was you. You owe your brother and your mother a huge, genuine apology. YTA.