I (28NB) live with my oldest sister (33F) B and have done so for the past 5 years. We generally get along but there are some serious issues and I am getting ready to move out, so this Christmas was the last Christmas we would be sharing living together. I also promise, I did try to get over this (it’s officially been over 3 weeks so I think that’s a valiant effort) and it still bothers me
My sister has a son, and we have another sister (29F) W who lives nearby, but our parents are in another state. On Christmas Eve, W comes to our house, spends the night, and we open gifts in the morning. B gets the stuff for her son’s stocking, my stocking, and half of W’s stocking. I get all of the stuff for B’s stocking and half of W’s stocking. W does not do any stockings as she makes the least amount of money out of all of us, but all of us get each other at least one gift so it’s not a big deal
B is incredibly picky when it comes to sweets, the primary thing that you put in stockings when you’re an adult. She loves Reeses and dark chocolate but doesn’t like dark chocolate mixed with other flavors unless it’s nuts, and will not touch anything that has white chocolate or mint. You can see my problem with it being Christmas. It’s not impossible to get her stuff, it’s just a bit expensive. This year, I got her Reeses, dark chocolate squares, a bag of peanut butter dark chocolate Dove, Ferrero Rochers (including some dark chocolate ones), and a Reese mug cake because she loves making mug cakes, so she now has a dedicated mug to do it. It was a little costly, but considering the cheaper stuff all included stuff I knew she hated, I thought it was worth going over budget. I got W similar but less
I am nowhere near as picky as my sisters. I will eat most sweets as long as they are not dark chocolate and they don’t have nuts or coconut. The only exception is that I will tolerate peanut butter, but I don’t particularly like it. As you can see, my tastes are cheap and relatively easy to meet. I don’t ever expect people to spend a lot of money on me, I think it’s reasonable to get a lot of cheap crap when you’re on limited income and don’t expect my energy to be matched
Here’s the problem. On Christmas, we unloaded our stockings and while everyone else is delighted at theirs, mine is full of stuff I don’t like. Dark chocolate, Reeses, and Pez. Fucking Pez, who even eats that? The worst thing was the Snickers bar, which again, I don’t even like. In fact I really hate them. The only thing I actually liked in my stocking this year was a single square of milk chocolate caramel and three Kitkats. Everything else was her favorites, not mine. It was almost all stuff I only tolerated or hated, and I had way less than she did. I have tried to be okay with this, I understand budgets and all that and she needed to spend for 3 people when I spent for 2, but the stuff I actually like would’ve cost the same, maybe less. So, AITA if I say something?
Edit for grammar and context
I don’t care that it had stuff I didn’t like. That’s not the problem. Sometimes people will buy me stuff that I do like but in a brand I’m not a fan of and that’s okay, at least it shows effort into my preferences. It’s specifically that it was her exact favorites, and this is after 4 previous years of getting none of these items in my previous stockings except the two stray things I do actually like. We also opened stockings after presents this year and she got me a dumpling steamer for, and these are her exact words "for the sole purpose of you making me as many dumplings as you can before you move out because I really really like dumplings".
Also for everyone saying "buy your own candy", that was already the plan but character limit for initial post didn’t give me room for that. To the other people saying I’m "holding resentment" I think you’re misunderstanding. I’m not angry with her. I am hurt, but I’m more confused because I don’t understand why she did that this year when she has never done it before. It bothers me because it doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to go off on my sister or make her feel bad, I want to sit down and have a conversation and ask "why did you get me stuff you are aware I dislike and only get me presents this year based around what you want for yourself". Normally I get some milk and white chocolate, some peppermint bark, things that are relatively easy and cheap this time of year. Well, give me a bag of Lindt and I’m happy as a clam. I wouldn’t have cared if my stocking was just that one milk chocolate caramel square and the Kitkats because I understand money is tight and I would never expect her to spend money she doesn’t have to make me happy. It’s specifically the addition of items I dislike that she knows I dislike but that she loves. The worry is that it might be too late for that convo, which is what I’m actually asking about.
Additional edit
I think I need to be clear that this bothers me, yes, but I know it’s overall not necessarily a big issue that I have been seething over the past few weeks. I have a life and been doing other things and have continued to live life as normal. This is less "a thing I have been actively upset and crying about" and more "a background thought that pops up, annoys me, and then goes away for a while when I do something else and then shows up again several hours later when I’m not doing anything". I’d say on average it comes up in my head two or three times a day at best for only a few seconds. Normally when that happens, it stops on its own after a few days and I move on, but this time that hasn’t happened. I’m not spending all day for three weeks thinking about it, it’s a thought that pops up for a few seconds a few times a day and then goes away. That is why I specifically say it "bothers" me rather than using stronger language. It’s annoying that this does keep coming up in my head. Reddit is not the place to bring out the serious family drama and trauma. This is not the biggest problem in our family (god I wish, that would be nice) but it is the one where it’s entirely based on myself and my feelings alone and some external opinions could help. If I should just let it go, I’m happy to do that, I’m just having trouble doing it and am happy to take advice if people have it to offer to make it stop coming up
Are you lying about your age? I have a really hard time believing someone pushing 30 wrote this. YTA.
YTA – You’re seriously almost 30?
If you guys are this picky, maybe just buy your own chocolates? You’re all grown folks…! You don’t need to wait around for a stocking to eat candy.
YMBTAH. Are you really 28? Honestly, this isn’t worth my time (or yours). Some people have real problems, but you are not one of them.
ESH. You’re all too old for this pettiness. You do stockings for the kids and the adults just be adults.
YTA. This the least awful thing that has happened to any adult sibling with their own money to spend ever. Move out. Don’t do stockings next year and buy your own cheap candy for yourself if you’re really so upset about it.
huehue bro come on, if you’re actually almost 30, this shouldn’t be a big deal.
The idea of adults doing stockings for other adults and taking it this seriously is just so silly I can’t even make a ruling. Grow up and buy your own sweets.
Okay, so…you’re describing your sister as incredibly picky and yourself as not picky at all, but when you summarized the things you do and don’t like, I’m sorry to say that your lists for yourself and your sister are pretty damn near exactly equal in terms of cost and complication. How is avoiding mint easier and cheaper than avoiding nuts and coconut when purchasing chocolate candy? Mint is normally a seasonal flavor that’s in special-edition versions of low-end candy like Reesee’s and Snickers, whereas nuts and coconut are ubiquitous year-round in candy at all price points. Since you mention “serious issues” with your sister, is this possibly a “bitch eating crackers” situation?
And look, I’m sorry, but most adults suck at buying gifts for other adults. My own mother cannot remember the foods I do and do not like, and if I held that against her, I’d be making myself upset and wasting energy on something I do not have the power to change. Your sister’s child is probably a higher priority to her than you re: getting gifts he’ll like, and like…sorry, but rightfully so. NAH, but you would be an asshole if you made a point to tell her you hated your gifts or iced her out over it.
You are 28 and it’s candy. Let it go.
Yta. Stockings for adults in particular are usually an afterthought at Christmas. And candy isn’t the only thing that goes in stockings. My husband’s stocking got a scrub daddy, an ornament, lotion, and a covid flu test. My son got some candies, stickers, a pen, a yo yo and chapsticks.
I’d be annoyed, but not THREE WEEKS later. It’s just stocking stuffers. ESH for your sister not taking into consideration your tastes, but also you for letting something so minor bother you. Build a bridge, get over it.
Here’s an easy solution. You’re all too old for this kind of angst over Christmas stockings. Buy yourself the candy you like and wrap a few presents for a kids’ charity. Then hug each other and be grateful for what you do have.
Life is too short for such trifling nonsense.
YTA. 30 and you’re upset about a Christmas stocking THREE WEEKS later?? That’s not a valiant effort, it’s childish.