I (F21) have a partner (M22) whom I am currently living with; it was his birthday yesterday. We graduated from university in June, and of course he got an influx of people who he hasn’t really spoken to since graduation wishing him a happy birthday. One of those people is being a good friend of mine whom I have spoken to and hung out with since graduation.
We were talking about the people who have hit him up and reminiscing about our time in university, and then he stated that some had made him uncomfortable because they were obviously trying to be suggestive. I have a lot of trust in him, so I thought this was hilarious and was begging him to tell me who. He said he didn’t want to tell me because it would upset me, and that’s when I started to raise my eyebrow. I left it in the moment because I didn’t want to start conflict on his birthday, but I brought it up today and said that he shouldn’t be hiding things from me. He eventually agreed to show me, and it was my good friend from university.
I’m going to try and keep this part short and not drag it out, but the message was literally copy and pasted: “happy birthday tobyyy 🥳🥳” (fake name but same format), to which he did not respond. I was extremely confused and asked him what exactly about this was ‘suggestive’. He said that elongating his name and the use of emojis was suggestive and clearly ‘flirtatious’. I looked at the message again and looked at him and said, ‘No, it’s not.’ He said that she was clearly ‘doing too much’ to grab his attention and asked how she even remembered it was his birthday. I told him that Snapchat reminds you of people’s birthdays (that’s what she texted him on) and the message was normal. It then turned into a disagreement, and he then went on a whole rant explaining that I clearly don’t know how women communicate with guys they are trying to pursue and that I’m clearly choosing to be blinded because that’s my friend. To which I just responded, ‘I don’t appreciate you trying to paint my friend in that light, and I honestly think you are being a weirdo, the message isn’t suggestive.’ The conversation kind of ended, and he’s been avoiding me all day.
Am I just asking AITA for calling him a weirdo and kind of invalidating his feelings even though they are objectively based on nothing?
EDIT: im not going to lie the comments stating that he is attracted to her are significantly increasing my anxiety levels, she is objectively a very pretty girl and i never really thought about him in that light; also wanted to add they haven’t really had any interacting with each other without me being there, and if they have spoken to each other its usually something to do with me (eg. coordinating my birthday present or asking where i am)
If thats flirty/suggestive im in trouble because I’ve sent almost that same message to my brother…
NTA and he is being beyond weird, that is super creepy to assume flirting of something like that. It speaks a lot to how he views women
My daughter texts me like that. The last word of any sentence is elongated too. I guess we need family therapy
Good grief, some people can’t get it out of their heads that people of the opposite sex are constantly flirting with them.
Maybe you could have worded it a little more diplomatically, but I couldn’t have done any better because that attitude irritates the hell out of me.
You’re NTA
I’m intuiting that his comments are grounded in wishful thinking.
NTA at all. Don’t waste your breath arguing with stupid people. You have to be SO careful with guys like this. He’ll make the same assumptions about your behavior. Seriously consider this relationship before you go any farther.
“You know, Partner, a common issue that women have in general is that men think they’re being flirty or suggestive when they’re literally just being friendly or polite. It’s a recurring theme and something that has been talked about extensively. You told me that I don’t know how girls talk to guys they want to sleep with — but I AM a girl, and you are not. I have actually experienced this from the inside and you have only observed it from the outside. I think you need to consider the possibility that YOU are mistaken about how girls talk to guys they want to sleep with. Unless it’s an eggplant, emoji use does not mean ‘do me.’ Elongating a word in text can happen for all the same reasons it does out loud, including shouting out a cheerful birthday message. If something has happened with Friend to change the context of this message, then tell me about that, but otherwise, you are one hundred percent reading too much into it.”
NTA.
Right i literally had a dude accuse me of flirting with him IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND, bc the dude was very drunk and i gave him some water.. YK THE NICE THING TO DO FOR SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE VERY DRUNK.
Being nice to men means you want to fuck them, obv. There is literally no other possibility
NTA. Projection, projection, projection
She smiled. SHE WANTS ME!
Wait till he finds out about Facebook, which not only reminds you of people‘s birthdays, but gives you pre-written texts you can send that often already include emojis! “Everyone on this app is into me.”
NTA at all, weirdo is right. There’s nothing suggestive about the text, and his whole “how women communicate with guys they are trying to pursue” makes him sound like one of those dudes who thinks “hello” is a come-on if it’s said by an attractive woman.
NTA. Funny that he’s saying you (being an actual woman) don’t know how women communicate with guys they’re trying to pursue but he does? I’d be very uncomfortable to realize my partner read this much ‘sensuality’ into common, kind communication, because to me it’s a signal of how he reads the world.
If I sent somebody a happy birthday message like that and found out they thought it was an expression of interest I would cut that person out of my life. I can’t be friendly without you thinking I’m trying to smash? What level of warmth is not suggestive? “Happy birthday.” Does that work? “Hbd I guess” ???