TLDR; ex slanders my name but demands gifts back despite me going no contact
I am 24F and my ex is 24M (we’ll call him Tom), we had been together for a year before I broke things off after realizing I didn’t love him and felt we both deserved better.
It was mutual and I thought we ended on good terms.
A month after the relationship ended I downloaded tinder to let off some steam due to having a very boring and non existent sex life for a full year, and I met someone that I fell in love with at first sight. Tom found out and demanded that I return everything that he has ever bought me.. which is a lot. Basically half of my room is filled with gifts. I agreed nonetheless until he found a group chat that had been inactive for 6 years full of old friends.
Tom sent “I can’t believe she cheated on me”.
I did not cheat on him, even after having my best friend back me up with receipts (I told her the day I met tinder guy) he was still convinced I cheated. I’ve since blocked Tom on everything and made it very clear that he will no longer be getting any gifts back as I don’t want to interact with him ever again. Tom has made multiple accounts across all social media to harass me and has even harassed me on cashapp. He threatens to come to my job, come to my house and even to my mom’s house to demand his gifts back.
After trying to slander me I don’t think I should have to return anything. AITA for not returning his gifts?
NTA. it’s a gift. enough said. his attitude towards you is creepy and it’s harassment. you should probably look into a restraining order, because it doesn’t sound like he’ll stop
Generally speaking, returning gifts is optional unless we’re talking the other person’s family heirlooms (which I consider more holding in trust and being allowed to use them, with the understanding that they’re intended to be passed on within the family they came from). If you’re given an expensive gift towards the end of a relationship, it’s good form to return it, especially if you were already mentally/emotionally halfway out the door when it was given.
But everything you were ever given? Heck no. You don’t owe anyone that. Giving back everything is purely out of the goodness of your heart, and not remotely required. The fact that he’s been an AH after demanding the gifts back only makes it clearer. When someone is willing to do something they are neither legally nor morally obligated to do, you don’t go around trying to make them look bad.
Maybe it’s time to ask a lawyer for a cease and desist letter for the harassment (it’s basically a warning that if he doesn’t knock it off, you may file a police report and/or sue him for harassment). Or consider skipping that and going straight to the police report, if it’s been really over the top. It sounds like he’s not going to stop on his own, so you may have to get the law involved.
NTA.
Generally speaking a gift isnt optional at all to ask back. Whoever told you that is a liar
Gifts are just what they are; gifts. You don’t have to give them back. Keep them and forget about Tom. If he comes to your work, your mom’s place or anywhere else let the police know he’s stalking you.
NTA
A gift is yours after it’s been given and you have the right to keep it or return it or gift it further.
Since he’s threatening to come to your home and steal them from you, perhaps you may consider if you want to keep them.
If yo don’t want them, you could video your donating them to a charitable organization (don’t include your face or identifiers of what specific location charity received them in case of unsafe people) and post a viral video of the donation.
State that even though they belong to you, you wanted to give them to him. However you had to break off all contact when he threatened you and made false accusations. Make it clear that there’s no value in harassing you since you don’t have them anymore.
NTA gifts are gifts and to ask for them back is just immaturity on his part.
You can’t ask for gifts because that’s not gifting , thats a borrow loan investment then
NTA once a gift has been given, it‘s your’s and he has no right to ask it back.
“X I have asked you repeatedly to stop harassing me, the next time you message me I am going to report you.”
Save every single message, every threat, and file a police report. This is actually quite serious. You might need a paper trail and proof of escalation. If he starts showing up at your place of work, get a restraining order.
NTA, in fact, you aren’t taking this *seriously enough*.
And no, a gift once given, belongs the the receiver. His behavior is unhinged.
NTA – Gifts are gifts. He didn’t want them back until you had a new boyfriend. He’s handling this breakup in the worst way.
NTA! keep receipts of all of his behaviours and threats and (if you feel okay with it and the behaviour gets worse) use his social media crusade against him, post about what he is doing and the proof, make a paper trail. And if he EVER does show up anywhere, report it to the police
NTA. Though this is all pretty immature stuff in general, the threats to harass you are grounds for legal injunction. I would consider the cost of a lawyer for a restraining order or order of protection if it is less than the cost of the gifts. If the gifts are inexpensive, you might just give them back to make him stop. Though that may not happen.