My (23F) dad is super strict. Like so very strict. I don’t go out often and especially when he’s home (which is everyday except twice a week I never go out).I deal with chronic anxiety whenever I go out I feel anxious in social situations because I’m just not used to it. When I go to class I feel so weird because I just don’t know how to feel normal. Recently I thought I really want to get out of these mental shackles and a lot of it has to do with the fact that my dad controls a lot of my life and what I do. I signed up for guitar lessons and I told him and now he’s furious. The guitar lessons **are** free because my recreation centre does subsidies so no one has to pay anything I just have to take myself there which is completely manageable. I also have a little bit of driving anxiety so I thought this is perfect I’m doing a productive hobby, while getting comfortable in social situations by myself. I feel like my identity hasn’t really flourished because I just see my friends going out all the time and parties and what not but I’m at home. And don’t think I lounge around or anything I’m serial hobbies enthusiast I’m really good at art, painting, drawing, I love video games, journaling all while doing my 3rd university degree (I got to my 3rd pretty fast because I always took courses in the summer). I’m a really good daughter I do chores, I cook like im not even saying anything to toot my own horn. But I’ve just gotten to a point where I feel like no matter what I do I’m not appreciated. My dad is never satisfied with me. My mom is super passive too because she tries to play the peacekeeper at the expensive of herself and therefore everyone else. She’s saying that me doing this is causing a problem and I need to withdraw immediately. So I’m just like screw it im gonna do this for myself because nothing I do makes them happy even things that should. Am I being unreasonable or is this something necessary for me to be my own person?
**TLDR:**
My dad is super strict. I signed up for guitar lessons and he tweaked out saying I need to focus on my career. I have 2 degrees getting my 3rd next year all for my career yet he just isn’t happy with me. I’m anxious person and so I thought I’d sign up to get out of my shell plus enjoy this hobby that I’ve always wanted to do in middle school. Classes are free because of subsidies but he just thinks I’m wasting my time. And it’s a huge deal now because I’m being painted as someone who enjoys causing fights in my family. I’m a super good daughter and a good student. I don’t really know.
Are you able to move out?
You’re an adult, so you can do what you want. You should work toward moving out and away from your dad, as it sounds as if he is detrimental to your mental health.
NTA but if you already have a degree or at finishing the current one perhaps you should be looking for a job and start living on your own
NTA. Is there a way you can get out from your parents’ home? This is genuinely so concerning that they don’t allow you to have your own life and are this controlling when you’re 23.
NTA
You aren’t causing anything. You are an adult taking guitar lessons. Your dad is the one making it everyone’s problem. It’s not even a problem, it’s a good hobby and a way to destress. Dad needs to chill out. Why is he so controlling? Are you able to leave?
NTA, at all. But can you not move out? Your father is extremely controlling and he is actually making your life harder. I bet your anxiety would go right down if you were not under his thumb anymore.
NTA Move out ASAP! You are an adult and should be able to make your own decisions even if it means going out till the morning with your friends and going to whatever class you want. Your dad sounds like he has a controlling issue
You need to get a job and move out asap! Why are you letting your dad contol your entire life at 23? You have degrees, use them. Also, continue the guitar lessons. Best case senario, he kicks you out and you go full no contact with both parents. Your mom will stand by her controling mad til he dies.
INFO: Why aren’t you working and earning your own money? You can’t keep living your life with your abusive parents controlling your every move, and yes, they are, in fact, abusing you.
NTA for doing something for yourself, and finding a way to get out of the house and socialize. YTA to yourself if you don’t find a way to get out permanently, and get counseling so you can develop healthy relationships with others. Please don’t enter into a romantic relationship until you’ve had counseling and healing, because otherwise you’ll be easy prey for another abuser.
You’re literally an adult who’s taking guitar lessons and has three degrees. I saw in some comments that you said that you can’t move out. At the very least, try to live a normal and independent life. Maybe stay with a friend.
NTA
Thank you that’s really reassuring!
If you have two degrees, you should focus on getting a job and moving out. Your father is either very controlling or he wants you to grow up and move out already.
Why is a 23F still controlled by her dad/parents? Why can’t you get a job and earn income? Do you come from an ethnic family with different thoughts about female members? You need to speak up for yourself more and not rely on your mom. You are not a minor, but an adult. Start to act like one.
Yes I do come from a brown household which is why this situation is a little specific and harder than a simple “move out.” Obviously in an ideal world that would be the best thing for me but it’s not like that and I think I’ve gotten to a point rn where I don’t feel comfortable being outside hence why I said I’m taking guitar lessons as almost like an exposure thing. So moving out would actually feel worse mentally. But I don’t know I’m just speaking from what I know and my emotions play a bias.