I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 6 years. For our upcoming anniversary, he promised we would go to Hawaii. He brought it up multiple times over the past year, told me to request time off work, and said he was “handling everything.”
A few weeks before our anniversary, I asked for details and he admitted he never booked anything. He said money was “tight,” but during that same time he upgraded his PC setup with a new graphics card, monitor, and other accessories worth a few thousand dollars.
I was extremely hurt and felt lied to. I wouldn’t have been as upset if he had been honest earlier, but instead he let me believe the trip was happening while spending money on himself.
After a big argument, I sold his PC setup while he was at work and used the money to book a smaller trip for myself and a friend. I told him I felt the money should go toward the anniversary he promised.
Now he’s furious, says I crossed a huge line, and claims I had no right to sell something that was “his,” even though we’re married and share finances. Some friends agree with him and say I acted out of spite, while others say he broke his promise and prioritized gaming over our marriage.
Esh. Is there a joint account? If there is, he shouldn’t be buying computers parts without asking you. You shouldn’t have sold his pc. This is just heading towards divorce.
ESH: the old adage comes to mind two wrongs don’t make a right
You’re both AH. This is not a marriage.
You both suck 🩷 this tit for tat behavior is so immature at your age
Esh. Holy fuck neither of you should be in a relationship
Both TA He lied. You stole. You both were being children and could just call it even. Because getting divorced is more expensive than either of these things.
If things were reversed it’d be just as bad.
He should’ve waited to upgrade stuff/spend on hobbies if he planned financially or promised a trip. But you also shouldn’t have stolen stuff that he cares about so you can go on a shittier trip.
ESH. I don’t think either one of you could have behaved like this as just a random one time thing, and so I have to wonder what other ways your marriage is a disappointment to you both.
ESH. This is toxic as all get out.
ESH. You need to be in marriage counselling.
You’re both assholes.
YTA “I sold his PC setup while he was at work and used the money to book a smaller trip for myself and a friend. I told him I felt the money should go toward the anniversary he promised.” so you sold his PC because you felt the money should go towards the anniversary but then used it take your friend on a trip.
YTA. Did you remove important information from the PC before you sold it? You might have given financial account information, passwords and other personal info to whoever bought it.
ESH. He lied repeatedly. You stole. Both of you seem like terrible people and partners.
ESH. Neither one of you sounds mature enough to be in any kind of relationship, let alone a marriage.