My (27F) boyfriend (25M) flew from Calgary to Montreal before christmas to stay with me for about 2 weeks. We were living together in my studio apartment, and overall it was really nice.
During his visit, my dad was hospitalized before new years. Doctors found a tumor in his kidney, close to the bladder. Initially, we didn’t know if it was cancer, but it was still very scary and stressful. I was crying a lot during this time, and my boyfriend saw me breaking down multiple times.
On Jan 8th, the tumor was removed, and that same day we found out it was cancerous and is stage 2. That night, I was sobbing on my boyfriend’s shoulder asking him to not leave.
He was originally supposed to fly back to Calgary on Tuesday Jan 6th, but he postponed his departure to Friday Jan 9th to toronto from montreal and he will take the bus back to montreal on sunday morning because he has his flight to calgary on sunday evening.
However, the reason he postponed was so he could take a **6-hour train from Montreal to Toronto** to visit a close friend he hadn’t seen in a while. He left Friday afternoon, the day after we found out my dad had cancer.
I was really hurt that he still chose to leave, especially to go out, socialize, and have fun, when I was at what felt like my emotional lowest point. I felt abandoned and like I wasn’t his priority when I needed him most.
When I told him this, he said it wasn’t fair for me to be upset because:
* he had already extended his stay with me,
* he booked the plans before knowing “the extent” of the situation,
* and he said he was “just a phone call away.”
After leaving, he kept sending me updates about his trip, gym pics, and going out, which made me feel even worse. I stopped responding, and he called me repeatedly (around 20 times).
I also want to add that I’m at a stage in my life where I’m looking at this relationship through a **long-term lens**. I’m trying to understand whether this is someone I could rely on as a life partner during serious situations, and this made me question our compatibility in moments of crisis.
From my perspective, if roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have felt okay going out and enjoying myself while my partner was dealing with something like a parent’s cancer diagnosis. To me, being present would matter more than seeing a friend.
tldr; AITA for being upset and feeling abandoned, or am I expecting too much from my boyfriend?
NTA
My fiancée (maybe ex) mom had cancer, and she told me when I was going to bed (long distance, I’m 6 hours ahead) it was around 1am, an I dropped everything to stay up and comfort her and offered to fly to America be with her.
Nothing bar his own children or mother should come before you
Exactly, if she’s looking for a long term relationship, is this the kind of man she wants to be with? Someone who isn’t going to stick with her through hard times?
NTA, he’s not prioritizing you and that’s hurtful. I would be very clear communicating your feelings to him. Wishing your dad a speedy recovery.
NTA at all and you gotta leave this guy. he doesnt take seem to any of it seriously, and if he does have care and concern for you and your situation, it seems that he isnt at all good at communicating it. i am not cruel about relationships, i really do believe that a long-term relationship is a lot of learning from mistakes and that’s okay, but the response from him is not commensurate to the crushing weight of what you are going through right now, and the gulf is to such a degree that i dont think it should be your job to make this work
They’ve been together for four months. Does the guy even know that she’s looking at this “through the lens of a long term relationship”?
How long have you been dating, how long has he been friends with his friend, and have things really been going as well as you said they are?
we’ve been exclusive since july 2025 and boyfriend-girlfriend since september 2025.
People are on their best behavior during the dating stage. It will get worse long term.
Did he extend his time with you because your father is sick.
For him to go out with his old friend seems really inappropriate. That alone is one thing. But to send you updates and pictures made me bonkers! Then to say that you got an extra few days from him so he is entitled to a blowout… that made me even more bonkers!
This doesn’t sound like a guy to count on with this shit flies. Sometimes, the shit has to fly before you find this out.
It sounds like you have a rough few months ahead. Please don’t be gaslit into spending precious time with this guy. You dealt the cards and he showed you his hand.
You two are not cut out for an LDR. He made a 6000km round trip.to see you, he extended his time with you then finished his vacation plans and got back to his life.
Give us some idea of how long he was supposed to pause his life for you. Was he to be your shoulder to cry on until Easter?
I hope your dad gets better, and avoid LDRs from now on, because you have an unrealistic idea of what the partner who travels to you, can and cannot do.
Jesus, LDR doesnt mean he can’t support her in this case he should have cancelled his plans, and once he went back home making sure to call and give her support whilst she’s going through such a difficult time, It’s completely understandable OP is reconsidering the relationship.
They discovered their father had cancer, he extended his trip to see his friend not for her, least he could do it just spend that last day with her.
Sorry to hear about your father OP x
YTA
So your boyfriend (don’t know how long time you been together) travels across Canada which is probably both expensive and also a limited time window where he can do this. On this vacation his girlfriend gets tragic news and is ofcourse devested. I’m guessing he was doing what he could while he was wirh you but it sure as hell wasn’t an easy experience for him aswell.
Then he gets an oppurtunity to visit a friend on time that wasn’t planned. And you want to keep him from meeting a good friend that lives on the other side of Canada?
I was in a tragic accident in my teens when my friend died while I was preforming CPR on him.
My mom (where I lived without my dad) had a big trip planned for a week at the time around the funeral. She wanted to cancel the trip. I forced her not to. I was ofcourse devestated around that time, but I didn’t see a reason for her sitting around an crying with me.
Go spend time wirh your dad/relitives. That is more important.