I am currently 22M and live at home. I have my own car, but sometimes I let my mom drive me places to spend some time with her. If we are both going to grandma’s house for dinner, there is usually no reason for us each to take our own car. My dad sometimes comes. He works much different hours compared to me and my mom. And he will usually come in his own car if he has to stay late at work and meet us later. But my dad could not make it tonight. So it was just me and my mom traveling for dinner tonight.
My mom is a generally safe driver, but she has a few habits that drive me crazy. Those habits genuinely make worry me about our safety while we are in the car. I have recently started to notice that when she is driving at night, she rarely uses her car’s turn signals. I have pointed out multiple times that it is the law to use them.
When driving at night on unlit roads, she also often forgets to turn on her high beams. She almost hit a deer on the way home from grandma’s house tonight! She got defensive, said I was "nagging" her and being overly critical. She even went as far as telling me that she “knows how to drive.” So, AITA for repeatedly telling my mom she has to change her driving habits, or am I justified in being concerned about our safety?
NTA – everyone can be a safer driver than they are.
YTA
Backseat driving is a complete asshole move. Period. Doing it repeatedly just makes it worse.
If you do not like how someone drives, just don’t ride with them. You have a car, just offer to drive.
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High beams are NOT for fog!
Dark roads are exactly what high beams are for. You switch them off when there are cars coming toward you or you’re behind someone.
Fog is exactly when you *don’t* use high beams.
Not sure why you’re assuming OP’s mom is only neglecting to use turn signals when they’re not necessary.
I would say you’re NTA, but I wouldn’t keep pushing. She heard you. She knows.
You can’t control her, but you can control whether or not you continue to ride with her.
It seems not to make sense to bring two cars, but it can be considered self care, since it’s not safe. And you can drive behind her so that if she hits something, you can call 911 (or whatever if you’re not in the US).
Ugh, that first paragraph. Just say.
“Mum drove us to visit gran.”
NTA. You’re not nagging, you’re surviving. Forgetting signals and high beams at night is straight-up dangerous, especially after almost hitting a deer. Safety > feelings here, tell her firmly before it ends worse.
YTA. Your mom has been driving since before you were born. If she’s a “generally safe driver” then why are you nagging her? Sit down and mind your business. I thought this was going to be like “She won’t put down her phone while she’s driving” or “She had 3 accidents last year because she tailgates” but you are being overly critical. Do you have unaddressed anxiety?
Once you’ve had another decade or two under your belt, you will learn that deer have zero sense of self-preservation and jump out anywhere. You will probably hit a deer yourself, and I’m sure you will not want to hear criticism about how you should have avoided it.
If you’re so against her driving, I suggest you take control of the wheel and give her the opportunity to crow at you. Might make a nice change for her
The WORST thing you can do is pester someone about their driving while they are driving. YTA for that. You can be an adult and have a conversation after, but if she’s going to do her own thing, you can’t change her. You can change the entire dynamic by being the one who drives. No longer accept any ride from her. Say you’ll be the driver or go separately. If you honestly don’t feel safe then stop being the passenger.
Nta
Road safety. Consider other road users.
NTA
Driving is dangerous. One bad decision or one mistake and it’s a life lost. You’re right to be upset and cautious here.
If she doesn’t use her signal, the people behind her don’t know what she’s doing.
That causes accidents and accidents cause injuries, destruction, and deaths.
Safety is the priority and following the rules of the road is non-negotiable.
Your mother is being selfish in my opinion.