So I(16F) passed a really hard exam with the scores 90/100 points and i wanted to celebrate. I suggested ordering a cake because i was sick and didnt want to do much. I thought she wouldnt mind getting this cake for me. But this week i already visited 2 restaurants and the bills for these were pretty high. But the only things i spend on are food and only if i accomplished something. I felt like i deserved a small cake, since i worked a lot to clear this exam. Reluctantly, My mum(54F) agreed to let me order it.
My mum was iffy about the cost. She also makes sure to let me know every single day that money doesnt come easy for us and she works really hard to pay for my school fees, rent, bills, etc. All my friends, on the other hand, are super rich and casually drop enormous sums of money just like that in front of me. I feel like my sense of how much stuff costs and my financial literacy is completely warped.
Now, This cake cost 485 rupees and i thought it was justified and placed an order. I dont want to blame my friends, but i remembered a cake that one friend bought for her birthday and it was DOUBLE the amount and i think that’s what made me think this was a good price. She later told me our whole phone bill cost the same. While waiting for it to arrive, i checked out the bakery and found out it had a rating of 2.1 stars and some really, really concerning complaints (food poisoning, rotten food, lying about quantity, etc). I immediately told my mum and she freaked out about everything, the cost, the bakery, my carelessness and said i needed to cancel it immediately.
But by the time i explained the bakery situation to my mom, my order was already processed and they started preparing the food. On the app i ordered from, once the food starts to be prepared, you cant cancel the order expecting any refunds. You pay a cancellation fee (100% of the order amount to be paid again). I knew that i would be loosing more of her money if i did this . She was really mad and not in a state where i could explain this to her. She kept calling me stupid and spoiled and that i had to cancel the order over and over, which i did. When she saw what that meant, she went ballistic, and kept blaming me for being the reason why we are so poor and wished i would join my father (who is dead). She has said this many times before and i dont think she wants me as a daughter anymore, which hurts to think about.
I was stupid to not search about the place before and also to not confirm a budget with my mum before paying. I know i am old enough to know our financial situation but its hard because even after expressing my problems with understanding money, my mum lies about funds, her salary, bill amounts, etc, constantly, which adds to my confusion even more. I dont blame her for it but it is frustrating because it leads to situations like this. When i ask for help, she lies, and when i mess up she says really hurtful stuff to me. Idk what to do anymore. AITA??
You’re a huge asshole. YTA.
You have a single mother who works hard to put food on the table and take care of you. Comparison is always the thief of joy, stop comparing yourself to your friends and focus on helping your mother.
She is obviously tight with her finances because there are other priorities she needs to tend to rather than a cake just because you did well on an exam and you “deserved it”
The level of entitlement is insane.
OP also says they only spend money in food and then only when they’ve done something well, but then says they got food out twice already this week. I suspect “deserving it” is a fairly wide category.
ESH – I understand wanting to celebrate, but the lack of research in the multiple places you checked prices is basic shopping skills these days. If this is a small cake just for you, why are you so worried about cakes your friends have ordered? Were you going to show it off?
I don’t agree with how your mom treats you, but I am curious if she really lies to you? You sound spoiled and when told she can’t afford it, you buy it anyway and think she was lying because the money was there?
YTA.
Your Mom shouldn’t have said what she did, but she also doesn’t owe you an explanation of household expenses – you’re 16, you’re not entitled to a complete briefing on bills you’re not responsible for paying. And if you know you’re in a lower tax bracket than your friends you should be keeping that in mind when spending money that isn’t yours.
YTA. Your mom is obviously very stressed about money and you seem to have no empathy for her. Then, you couldn’t even be bothered to do basic research on the place you order the cake from.
Eh yes YTA your mom took you out twice in a week to restaurants and spend a good chunk of money on you to “celebrate” you don’t get a custom cake every time you do well in something.
YTA. Sorry but if money is super tight for your family I don’t think buying yourself an expensive cake just fof passing an exam is reasonable. You say yourself you already spent money at two restaurants that week. Get a part time job, babysit or tutor if you want “celebration” money. Your mom works hard to pay the bills as a single widow. I get that you want to have the things your friends have but you need to realize your mom is not in the same financial position.
Yta. It’s not your money. Stop spending it on stupid things. Especially when you don’t understand the concept of money and what things cost.
YTA. I am a single mom, and I struggle to make ends meet, too. My kids would never even ask to spend my money. Your reward for your hard work was passing the exam… the money for that cake came from your mom’s hard work. You weren’t entitled to that.
YTA – Do you know how much your mom makes in an hour? If not, find out. Then, figure out how many hours your mom had to work to pay for that cake. Now, do some work around the house and yard for that same number of hours. Then, in the future, when you want something, think about how many hours your mom is working just for that and try to help her out. Maybe that will help you be a little more mindful in the future.
YTA. You know your mom is financially stressed and you did it anyway. Instead of taking no for an answer, you kept pestering. Instead of being reasonable, you ordered something horribly expensive before doing the research. Instead of clearly explaining the cancellation policy, you cost her double.
You don’t get to cause someone debt for your accomplishments. You don’t get to pretend you’re blameless for understanding how money works because you have wealthy friends (you know your mom isn’t wealthy and YOU certainly aren’t). You are trying to compete on a stupid level (money) and you are harming your family to do it. If you want nicer things, get a job. Stop eating out and buying things with your mom’s money.
In the meantime, do 1000 rupees worth of work around the house. Cook, clean, etc… to make your mom’s life easier because you owe her.
What do you mean by “problems understanding money”?🤔 You’re 16 and based on that score doing well in school? What is there to be confused about simple math which is what paying bills is. You only have a couple years till you’re an adult and will not be able to get away with not understanding money
I agree with everyone saying YTA.
Also, not to be harsh, but getting a 90% on one exam is not that huge of an accomplishment that you need a ln entire cake to celebrate. Maybe if it was your medical exams school entrance exam or something, but since you’re 16 I’m assuming this was just some exam for some class. I think it’s a little absurd and entitled to celebrate yourself that much. Maybe it’s a cultural difference? The only time I’ve ever received a cake (gifted, not ordered for myself) was a birthday or my high school graduation party.
YTA. Getting a good grade is literally your only job and responsibility in life. Why do you think you should be rewarded for doing what is expected ? Your mother however should never speak to you like that. Something is wrong there. Mom sounds like she is going through a breakdown of some type. You and mom need to sit down and she needs to give you an allowance each week so you know what you can spend . Most people live on a budget . It’s time for you to learn that skill