Context:
Sister is a 31 year old able bodied woman. We currently reside in a 3 bedroom home with my parents and son (5). At one point, my parents, sister and I were splitting the rent 4 ways but when my sister lost her job in Feb 2025, she stopped paying and I started also paying her portion. It’s also important to know that I pay ALL of the other bills (water, electric, garbage, internet, insurance for my parents vehicles***).
Considering we have a 3 bedroom, my parents have the ensuite, my sister has her own room and I sleep in my son’s room with him. Sleeping in my son’s room was ideal at the time we moved in because he was nonverbal and 2. Now he’s older, can speak and we both need our own space.
***I pay the insurance for my parents vehicles because I drive them frequently. Why do I drive them frequently? Because my sister left my car idling outside of a gas station and it was stolen two years ago.
Since then I’ve been struggling trying to pay the bills in a home I wouldn’t normally live in on my own. I could very comfortably live elsewhere, however, I no longer have a vehicle and can’t save up for one since I’m drowning in these damn bills, yall.
I will mention that for a long time my sister was staying with her boyfriend. So her not paying rent during that time technically wasn’t the biggest deal. But she’s been staying here more frequently, has all but decided she’s done with her boyfriend and yet everytime I bring up her paying rent, she loses her mind. I’ll also mention, she doesn’t clean anything while she’s here.
This is where I have to wonder if I’m the asshole. I’ve told her that she would need to send me 75 a week to stay in the house. That means: maybe sleeping on the couch or an air mattress, but having a safe place to sleep, shower, relax and prepare food nonetheless. She thinks paying 350 a month for this isn’t fair because she won’t have her own room (I’m taking over her room since I pay the bills).I think it’s completely fair considering her alternatives are to live in her car or on the streets? She can get a extended stay hotel but that would be more expensive.
She is presently a delivery driver applying for ‘other jobs’ and apparently not hearing anything back, ever. She can come up with hundreds doing this job to pay for car repairs…but 75 a week for somewhere to live is pushing a boundary? Am I the asshole? Or is she immature and entitled?
NTA. She’s taking advantage of you, don’t let her.
NTA – your sister has needed this kick in the ass for a while. Tough situation that you are in but stay strong and do not give in to her tantrum.
She is the asshole, youre approaching burnout city and its not gonna be cute. Where do your parents stand in all of this?
NTA. Your sister is sounds very entitled.
She does nothing, pays nothing, takes full advantage.
It sounds like there’s a lot more to this story, including you ended up being the breadwinner for your entire family, why your parents don’t contribute more, and what they think of your sister not contributing at all.
Pack up your son and your things, and move.
INFO: who owns the house?
INFO: why didn’t insurance replace the stolen car?
NTA as a 31yr old she should feel embarrassed by not contributing to the house. I know i would be.
There’s a lot going on here…
1) The mortgage/rent should have never been split 4 ways, it should have been split by room. Your parents are paying half the mortgage to occupy the same space as you are, which isn’t reasonable.
2) If you give your son your sister’s room, she is no longer a tenant and has no obligation to pay anything. You will need to pay half the mortgage/rent.
3) It’s likely you’re paying the same or less splitting half the cost of this home, as the difference in cost between a 2 and 3 bed are not that substantial.
4) Utilities should be split the same way as the mortgage/rent
5) Your sister has not paid her portion of the bill for a long time. I recommend giving her 60 days to pay the entire $350 per month while maintaining her own room (you still share with your son) and wait until she inevitably fails to ask her to leave.
ESH.
your paying for everything….why?, why cant your parents pay for there own insurance, in them 2 years you could have brought a cheap run around car and then you would only be paying for your own, they should also pay half towards the other bills, You’re just expecting your sister to pay more, But the ones that need to pay more are the ones that live with you all the time, If your sister decided to stay more then say you either pay rent or you pay the bills, You’re never going to get out of that situation and into your own place if you continue to pay everything and give everyone else an easy ride.
If you can afford to pay everyone’s bills, you can afford to move yourself and your son into your own place where he has his own space. Stop supporting everyone else and start prioritizing your son’s needs and his mother (which is you). Your parents should be pulling more of their weight and be less dependent on you. They are kind of taking advantage of you – they are grown ass adults who should be helping their daughters become independent from them. You can still set aside a little money each month to help them out but starting looking for your own place today. Don’t talk to them about it because they will all likely try to pressure and guilt trip you into staying. Wait until you have secured the new home and then just let them know when you are moving out. Stay strong – you have been carrying too heavy a burden as a single mom. Lay some of that down and put your own oxygen mask on first otherwise you are going to burn out and how is that good for your son?
Pretty simple, take one of the cars and move out. You have been paying for it and all the utilities so you have kind of bought a car. Move out.
Sounds like it’s time for a family meeting with receipts and budget and a some boundaries around what you’re willing to pay for and what you’re not. You have an obligation to your future that probably shouldn’t include supporting your adult sister.
Covering the rent for a grown woman who literally got your car stolen is the definition of doing too much. You are basically subsidizing her lifestyle while you and your son are cramped in one room like sardines.
INFO: why isn’t she paying you back for the stolen car? Or, why didn’t insurance cover the stolen car?