2 or 3 years ago (must’ve been 2023 sometime) my then best friend, we’ll call her Courtney (35f) gave me (35f) her carpet cleaner. I did not ask for it, she said her grandma was keeping it at her house because she didn’t need it anymore and that she (Courtney) didn’t have any carpet in her house so she didn’t need it either. She did mention her grandma may one day ask for it back. I accepted. Fast forward to Christmas 2024, I mentioned using the carpet cleaner at my in laws because their carpet smelled like dog pee. Courtney threw a fit because I ruined the cleaner using it on dog pee. She has cats & so does her grandma & cats are sensitive to smells. I said well if that’s ruining it I did that long ago because I used it on my carpet after we got our puppy a year before. She knew when she gave it to me I had a dog, knew I had since gotten a puppy, so I’m not sure what she was expecting. Was I not supposed to use it? At any rate she said it was officially mine now because I ruined it. We moved on. Fast forward to June 2025, we had a falling out. I tried many times to fix it, she blocked me every way I reached out so I gave up. I have accepted our 20+ year friendship is over. Now here we are January of 2026. Courtney’s grandma passed away last summer. She left Courtney some money. I was reached out to last night by a mutual friend that Courtney bought a house and needs her carpet cleaner back. I’m dumb founded. She gave it to me 3 years ago, she told me over a year ago I ruined it and she didn’t want it back, she burned down our friendship 7 months ago and cut me out of her life. Now she’s reaching out, through someone else not even directly, to get it back and calling it hers? Is she insane? I told the mutual friend no, she gave it away it’s not hers anymore. For context, Courtney is to this day spoiled rotten and extremely entitled, this is a normal character trait of hers.
Here’s where I’m conflicted. It did belong to her grandma who is no longer here. On one hand I’m like, it’s a carpet cleaner. I’m sure she has plenty of things from her grandma with sentimental value. What sentimental value does a carpet cleaner hold? On the other hand, I feel kind of bad because however I see it, she might still have feelings about it being her grandma’s. So, would I be the AH for not returning this carpet cleaner that was willingly given to me years ago?
NTA- She said it was your. It sounds like she’s being petty by asking for it back now. And the fact that she didn’t even ask you herself, nah. She needs to grow up.
NTA.
She gave it to you years ago.
Doesn’t matter if her grandma has passed or not .
These cleaners are designed to clean up messes. Such as dog pee. She is just wanting to back now cause she has seen the prices of the new ones.
Kept it.. and be gone with the false friendship
This is the reason. A good carpet cleaner is expensive. She doesn’t want to shell out the money for a new one.
Oc NTA. It’s a carpet cleaner, not an heirloom.
NTA.
This is what vindictive women do; that is, they MUST HAVE THE LAST WORD and her getting that carpet cleaner back from you is her version of it.
Tell her to eff off, then delete and block, and enjoy your life.
NTA
If she reaches out to you herself, you can remind her that she said it was ruined after you used it to clean dog pee.
A mutual friend/acquaintance says she wants it back, say “oh” and move on. It’s bizarre for her to put someone in the middle, and you don’t have to participate in that.
NTA
Ignore the request and any messages related to it. If asked outright in person, say, “No,” and move on. If they persist, just be quiet and stare them down. Sometimes you have to actually be a bit of an AH to make AHs leave you alone. Don’t feel bad about that at all.
NTA. I can’t believe she convinced someone to ask you for it back. You’re lucky to be rid of her.
NTA. She gave it away the second time to you, with no strings or terms with wanting it back. She said she didn’t want it back and it was officially yours. At that point it was your property free and clear.
This sounds like a case of Courtney is angry and hurt and being retaliatory and petty. She wants it back as a power move more than she wants it back in general.
It is possible that her new home has carpeting and she wants to use a carpet shampooer, but if she’s absolutely adamant that you ruined hers with pet pee, she wouldn’t want to take a chance on ruining her carpet with pet pee transfer- unless her new home has been damaged from animal pee already.
Regardless, it’s not her property anymore. It’s yours free and clear. You’re just on the receiving end of her wrath and entitlement this time. Tell the mutual friend that you are not going to give it back as she gifted it to you years ago and it’s not her property on loan. Also tell the friend, if Courtney wishes to discuss the matter further she will have to reach out directly to you as you’re not going to drag others into it and you are not going to communicate with her indirectly where you cannot ensure your comments to her is being repeated factually and accurately. Then stop communicating about it with everyone who reaches out for her.
Also, It wasn’t a sentimental value item when she gave it to you. So it’s not a sentimentality issue now that her grandmother passed.
You already tried to fix the relationship and she chose to burn that bridge to the ground. Let her use some of that inheritance money to buy a new one instead of breaking her own no-contact rule for a dusty vacuum.
NTA. Y T A only if you invite Courtney (and anyone adjacent to her) back into your life. She sounds exhausting and life is far too short.
Thank you. I ended up blocking the mutual friend that asked, there were problems with her as well separate to this issue and this was kind of the thing that made me see this person is not my friend. I also blocked Courtney’s bf so there is no one to get ahold of me. I’ve washed my hands of this.
Leave the lot in your rear view mirror!