I (24F) usually stay in my room when guests come over and occasionally say hi and serve tea to my mom’s friends but today I wasn’t feeling it. In fact, every Sunday I deep clean my room (which I share with my mom) but today wasn’t it really. So my room was messy and I decided to make some slides for work. My mom’s friends came over to drop off some gifts from abroad. They were three sisters, one of them being my age (I remember going to their house once and this sister didn’t come out too). Nonetheless, my mom kept knocking on my door to come out and I told her I don’t want to meet them. Later, she knocked on our shared room door saying she had to give some gifts back to the guests. I knew it was a “trap,” so I hid in the bathroom. My mom exclaimed that I locked myself in, the guests that followed her into my room were shocked, and she asked me to come out. I just said I wasn’t feeling well. I was super embarrassed.
In the bathroom mirror, I noticed some acne and facial hair. I haven’t been feeling it this week. This Wednesday I was in the ER because of a hormone crashout because I didn’t know I had PCOS for a long time. Nonetheless, I feel like at my grown age I overreacted. AITA?
Your behavior was assholey, an adult refusing to greet people who had come to the house. Your mum too, for not taking no for an answer, which escalated everything. You guys need to talk about this like rational adults. That you were going through something and weren’t up to visiting with guests that day, and your mum needs to understand that bullying and coercion are not how to successfully communicate with adults. ESH.
Esh
ESH but your mom more than you. Just coming out and saying a quick “Hi sorry, no time to chat, I’m busy with work” would have been appropriate. But honestly, hormones can be big AHs too, I hope you can get a treatment plan soon so you feel better! And your mother should learn to respect your privacy. But I’m betting that’s a long shot considering how you described her 🙁
normal polite behavior is to come out, say hello and perhaps a bit of chit chat before saying “sorry, but I’m in the middle of something”.
but there’s a whole lot more going on here, I see. why are you sharing a room with your mother? you’re 24 years old. and if you’re locking yourself in the bathroom, feeling that you’re being “trapped” and obsessing over pimples and facial hair, there’s WAY more.
it sounds to me like this is not something to ask on reddit, but rather something you should be discussing with a therapist.
NTA BUT you’re a grown woman hiding from you mum in your bathroom? This is wildly immature.
This. You don’t have to greet your mum’s guest(s), but hiding in the bathroom is crazy childish.
ESH
The polite and mature thing, since the guests knew you were there, would have been to send your regrets for being unable to meet them. Going silent and refusing to answer even your mom to explain yourself made it come off as selfish and inconsiderate, especially if the guests were bringing gifts for you or came with the expectation of seeing you. The “not feeling it” excuse doesn’t cut it. You should certainly reach out to send your regrets, by perhaps a handwritten thank you note for any gifts you received, and arrange to reschedule the meetup.
Big caveat here: If they were not your guests or had no expectation of seeing you, that could be a more nuanced matter, but if you are living under your mom’s roof in your mid-20s, she sets the expectation for your hostess duties. It sounds like she expected you to at least make an appearance.
ESH
YTA. If you’re still living at your parent’s house you should definitely come out and at least say hi. That’s very rude to hide. What do you want your mom to do say yeah op’s here she’s just hiding in the bedroom because she doesn’t want to see you.
YTA the polite thing to do is to pop put and say hellos. You don’t need to entertain then but it comes off rude. You’ve been told by you mom who’s house you’re living in it’s rude. 2 minutes wouldn’t kill you
YTA. You didn’t have to stay with them for the whole visit.You could have greeted them and told that you have some things to do. Instead you hid in the bathroom like an immature teenager.
I REALLY want to hear the back story on this!
Aren’t you the person who lost your mother in a crowd, ran around borrowing other people’s phones to find her, and when you did you made a spectacular scene in public, screaming at her and telling her you hated her, you hope she got cancer, you hope she died, and you were leaving her house? Crying and making a huge spectacle of yourself, which you tried to brush past with a half ass apology? My guess is your mother is tired of your shit and wants you out.